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R/P: Making a care package - please help
just found out the other day that my friend had to have an
emergency c-section. Her daughter was born a month early because my
friend had decreased fetal movement, and her daughter's heart rate was
decelerating. So they took her in for a c-section.
When her daughter was born, they found out she had Trisomy 13. She was born with a cleft palate, a heart defect, and her brain isn't fully developed. Of course my friend was upset, and I cried all day when I heard the news.
Anyways, I am going to visit my friend and her daughter at the hospital. They had to transfer her to a hospital that's 2 hours away so she could be in the care of specialists. I wanted to take something with me when I went to the hospital. She's far from home, and I'm sure she isn't really eating well. I was thinking of making a basket with some muffins and stuff, but I also want to do something special for my friend.
I also want to get the baby something, but don't know what. Do I just take a couple of outfits with me? Its really sad, and I just hope that the baby does well. I would love to hear your thoughts. TIA.
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Re: R/P: Making a care package - please help
I am going to try to give some ideas since I am a mom of a baby in intensive care for 3+ months now. I (luckily) am not far from home - that is extra hard. Bring your friend books - lots of books. Light hearted books - nothing too sappy and definitely not sad. If she hasn't read the Twilight series those are good or True Blood series - there are about 10 books in the series (paperbacks are around $5 at Target, get a few they are easy fast reads), The Kite Runner was another good book as was Keeping Faith (sorry I am drawing a blank on authors) or any chic lit books. They may not be her taste but they are better than flipping through a magazine ten times and can be light hearted. She will spend days sitting next to her baby and she will drive herself crazy if all she does is stare at the baby or the monitors.
If she drinks coffee a gc to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, Panera, etc. - it is way better than hospital coffee. GC's to local restaurants - hospital food can get to you after awhile and find a place that delivers - she may not want to leave but can eat something better than hospital food. You can always the hospital and ask for recommendations of places. You can get her some comfy slippers or flip flops and maybe some cozy pjs that she can wear in public. I am not sure if she will be sleeping in the room with her baby or at a Ronald McDonald house or something. I have spent nights at the hospital and usually wear comfy sweats, but have seen moms in robes (I would not walk around in one but to each there own!
). A small pillow ? the hospital usually supplies linens for the parents but wants to sleep on a plastic covered pillow even with a pillow case? Tell her to start a carepage (carepages.com) it will help her to let people know what is going on without having to make a ton of phone calls and maybe help her by writing down what is going on. Hopefully the hospital has a computer for use or else she can bring a lap top.
Give her space but send her e-mails to remind her that you are thinking of her. I can?t talk to my friends much ? I am always very emotional but I have one friend who writes me a quick one or two line email daily. It really is nice to read.
Okay for the baby. Depending on what the baby has had done to her she may not be able to wear anything. If she is on a ventilator it is hard to get things over her head. The best thing my mom did was find some dresses that had three snaps at the top in the e back. Then my mom cut the dress all the way down the back so they could just slide it over my DD arms. It covered her and looked nice but was easy to get on and off. You can find these dresses at Kohl?s or Target. Don?t spend a lot of money since you are cutting them but it is the best thing. Also you can get onesies but get a size bigger so they can slide it up from the bottom (of course if the baby is not on a ventilator or tubed they can pull over her head). Buy some hair bows - even if the baby is unable to wear anything they can still put some cute bows in her hair. It is the little things that make you smile. Some other ideas are lullaby CDs, a couple different ones otherwise they get boring hearing them over and over.
I don?t know much about T13 but I have a DD who has T21, a heart defect and many other complications due to an illness that has left her in the PICU for 3 months. She has now suffered brain damage from her hospital stay (infections, medicines, etc.). I can relate a little to what your friend will be going through. I wish her all the success with her new DD. I will add her to my prayers. If you have any other questions I can try to help.
I spent over a month in the hospital with DS and the thing I appreciated most was gift cards to the little restaurant in the lobby and the Starbucks across the street. It was very expensive to eat there, some units would let me order from the caf no charge, others wouldn't because I wasn't bf. A few people would bring us dinner too.
I also appreciated clothes. My mom took a trip to ON and bought me a bunch of lounge pants and shirts in a size larger than normal so I wouldn't have to wear my pregnancy clothes. She also picked up my make up and toiletries (we went by ambulance, so I hadn't packed ANYTHING) so I could shower. A simple shower made me feel human again.
Thank you to all who replied. I can assure you that she was the one that told us we could visit them at the hospital. She has a care page, and on it she said that they would prefer hospital visits and that they don't want anyone coming over when they are home. I can totally understand their reasoning for that.
The last time she emailed me, she told me they were staying at the Ronald McDonald house. Thanks again for all of your feedback.
You are a great friend for sure. I would definitely agree with PP about making sure she wants visitors before you come. I am actually just going to be leaving the hospital tomorrow after 3 months of being in the hospital with my newborn son who had a heart defect and genetic syndrome. I would say definitely munchies that don't spoil easily are great to have around in the hospital or wherever your friend is staying. You tend not to eat 3 meals a day...in fact usually not even one meal. Also, like PP said, gift cards to surrounding restaurants are great. Magazines or other literature is also nice to take some time away from staring at the monitors.
As for clothes...I would just get some cute hats and socks. When they are first born many are not able to be dressed in real clothes. When we couldn't dress our son it was nice to at least put him in his own hat and socks. Also, some blankets are nice too...the hospital blankets aren't very nice and definitely not cute.
You might want to get something special for your friend as well. Someone got a bunch of nice nail creams, polishes, and files for me and it was so nice. She needs to try to take care of herself too...it is a very stressful time for her.
Hope this helps...good luck!