learning right and wrong

kellyfromcali · June 2009

I am friends with a new mom, and I am not a mom yet. When I am around her and her 9 month old baby, she sometimes gets close to his face and said NO when he does something she doesnt want him to do. Having no knowledge of raising children, it seems a bit young to be doing that, especially because he smiles afterwards as if he thinks they are playing. Do you think 9 months is too young to do that to a baby? She also gently swatted his hand, which I didnt really care for. He had no reaction to it, so I know it didnt hurt him. Any thoughts?

Mrs_Liberto · June 2009

Ditto Kdodge. I wish more parents would be like her and tell their kids no.

caffinated_tulip · June 2009

It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.

kellyfromcali · June 2009

Oh I wasnt going to say anything to her! I think shes a very good mom! I just wondered if that at that age they really understand what she is doing.?

Abc15379 · June 2009

I guess it depends on the behavior. We do this with our one-year olds, and I also know that a lot of babies younger than that ( 9 months as well) do things that you would want to nip in the bud as early as possible, like biting. The swat on the hand is a bit much in my opinion, but it's really none of anyone's business.

If you're asking if this child will be scarred for life cause mommy got in his face and said No, the answer is...probably not.

kellyfromcali · June 2009

caffinated_tulip:
It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.

Okay, just wondering. Hopefully I will learn all of these things before I have kids!?

akaluttenberger · June 2009

Unfortunately these days, some parents don't seem to respond well to comments from others... either regarding their behavior OR that of their children. We had to stop inviting one of my 12yr old's friends over because she would not follow our house rules, and her parents wouldn't back us up... "that's not how we do it in our house." Ugh.

As for your situation specifically, I guess it depends on the context... if she was clearly teasing/cooing/playing, then it sounds harmless-except for any kind of hitting... but I am guessing you wouldn't have posted if that were the case. Tread carefully?

edit- I have a horribly slow computer, and want to be sure no one who got their post in prior to mine thinks my comments were directed their way- I am speaking of much older children in my first paragraph...I heartily agree with the idea that it is usually best to keep our noses out of other's business...

Mrs_Liberto · June 2009

kellyfromcali:
caffinated_tulip:
It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.
Okay, just wondering. Hopefully I will learn all of these things before I have kids!

You're naive if you think you're going to have all your parenting tips and tricks figured out before you even manage to pop out the kid.

kellyfromcali · June 2009

Abc15379:
I guess it depends on the behavior. We do this with our one-year olds, and I also know that a lot of babies younger than that ( 9 months as well) do things that you would want to nip in the bud as early as possible, like biting. The swat on the hand is a bit much in my opinion, but it's really none of anyone's business.
?If you're asking if this child will be scarred for life cause mommy got in his face and said No, the answer is...probably not.?

?Thanks!

I definitely dont think he would be scarred by it, he didnt seemed phased by it, which I guess was my question to begin with.

Manalyzer · June 2009

That is how they learn, I think. I'm pretty sure she knows how her child is developing and the correct way to discipline based on her child's development.

caffinated_tulip · June 2009

kellyfromcali:
caffinated_tulip:
It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.
Okay, just wondering. Hopefully I will learn all of these things before I have kids!

Oh, I understand!! I've been lurking all over the place, and I still have over a year before we even Begin to TTC!!

kellyfromcali · June 2009

Mrs_Liberto:
kellyfromcali:
caffinated_tulip:
It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.
Okay, just wondering. Hopefully I will learn all of these things before I have kids!?
You're naive if you think you're going to have all your parenting tips and tricks figured out before you even manage to pop out the kid.

That wasnt a serious comment- parenting is a constant learning process Im sure!?

Abc15379 · June 2009

kellyfromcali:
Oh I wasnt going to say anything to her! I think shes a very good mom! I just wondered if that at that age they really understand what she is doing.

Well, no. At that age they don't really understand that you are making that face and using that tone/word because you don't like what they did. That takes time, and the only way for them to ever learn that, is if you are consistent. It sounds like she is on the right track, whether its early or not.

kellyfromcali · June 2009

kdodge423:
kellyfromcali:
Mrs_Liberto:
kellyfromcali:

caffinated_tulip:
It doesn't seem odd to me at all, I say let it go.
Okay, just wondering. Hopefully I will learn all of these things before I have kids!?
You're naive if you think you're going to have all your parenting tips and tricks figured out before you even manage to pop out the kid.
That wasnt a serious comment- parenting is a constant learning process Im sure!?
Then why say such a thing? It just makes you look stupid.
?

Sorry if my comment bothered you. I didnt mean for it to come across as a serious comment! ?

princess101 · June 2009

Call me a bad mom too then because I already tell Ryan "No" when he starts screaming or throwing a fit for no reason. (i.e he doesn't want to burp or doesn't want to go in his carseat). I say "No" in the same tone every time he does it. Eventually he will put it together that when I say it he isn't going to get his way. He already knows if he cries someone might come get him, but he stops crying after a few seconds because he knows if we don't pick him up right away we're not going to.

Repetition and consistency are how children learn and although I don't tap Ryan's hand yet or anything like that I feel starting early will benefit all of us in the long run.

There are ALWAYS others that will not agree with your parenting style whether they say you're too nice or too mean depends on the person giving the opinion. I say just get over it.

melodylb · June 2009

meh.. my sister says I will be a "mean" mom because I am a rule enforcer. My sister will let her kids hit, kick, bite and laugh because she thinks it's cute. When they hit, kick, or bite me i tell them NO because it hurts me and is not a nice thing. I don't know, I refuse to have the kid at dinner who is throwing food and kicking people under the table.. mean mom I shall be.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · June 2009

By 9 months the baby should already have started to understand his mom's reactions to the things he does. Therefore, her telling him "no" now is perfectly acceptable, since pretty soon he'll probably be running all over the place and causing havoc and she's going to need to tell him "no" a lot more. Also, it's really none of your business and who cares if you "don't care" for her doing this, since he's not your child! There's no reason to get worked up over this, and pps are right...you're going to lose a friend if you have such a chip on your shoulder over it.

kellyfromcali · June 2009

*KC*luvs*RJ*:
By 9 months the baby should already have started to understand his mom's reactions to the things he does.? Therefore, her telling him "no" now is perfectly acceptable, since pretty soon he'll probably be running all over the place and causing havoc and she's going to need to tell him "no" a lot more.? Also, it's really none of your business and who cares if you "don't care" for her doing this, since he's not your child!? There's no reason to get worked up over this, and pps are right...you're going to lose a friend if you have such a chip on your shoulder over it.

I didnt mention anything in my OP about saying anything to her about it. My poorly phrased question was, at what age do you think kids understand what the swat on the hand is for, and what no means. I understand that my OP was not written out right. Im all for saying no and proper discipline, how else will kids learn the rules! But I was just wondering at what age people thought kids really started to understand that. Sorry for the poor choice of words.

RJMbim · June 2009

princess101:

Call me a bad mom too then because I already tell Ryan "No" when he starts screaming or throwing a fit for no reason. (i.e he doesn't want to burp or doesn't want to go in his carseat). I say "No" in the same tone every time he does it.

THAT

firsttogo · June 2009

Your baby starts to learn what others are saying and doing even before he's born. As a newborn, he doesn't know the precise meaning of the words you use, but he picks up on your emotions ? such as happiness, sadness, love, concern, anxiety, and anger. By the time he's 4 months old, he'll recognize his own name, and by 8 to 12 months he'll understand simple requests such as "No" or "Don't touch." Around 24 months, he'll be able to talk to you in two- or three-word phrases. By 3, he'll have a vocabulary of several hundred words and a pretty good sense of some of the rituals and activities of everyday life, such as food shopping, telling time, and housecleaning.

From here:

https://www.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestones-understanding-words-behavior-and-co_6575.bc

kellyfromcali · June 2009

firsttogo:
Your baby starts to learn what others are saying and doing even beforehe's born. As a newborn, he doesn't know the precise meaning of thewords you use, but he picks up on your emotions ? such as happiness,sadness, love, concern, anxiety, and anger. By the time he's 4 monthsold, he'll recognize his own name, and by 8 to 12 months he'llunderstand simple requests such as "No" or "Don't touch." Around 24months, he'll be able to talk to you in two- or three-word phrases. By3, he'll have a vocabulary of several hundred words and a pretty goodsense of some of the rituals and activities of everyday life, such asfood shopping, telling time, and housecleaning.
From here:
https://www.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestones-understanding-words-behavior-and-co_6575.bc?

Thank you! That link is very helpful!?

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