If your MIL watches your child(ren) during the day

mrsmegs06 · June 2009

Hi everyone! I thought I would get opinions on family provided daycare. I'm only 2 months along, but my DH and I wanted to get started on weighing pros and cons.

Background: My MIL doesn't work and never has. She has a lot of spare time because she really doesn't do a whole lot. However, I still want her to have her time. She lives 15 minutes away.

With that in mind...how did you go about asking? do you use them the entire week? Is the child care done at your home or their home? and any other things you'd like to add would be greatly greatly appreciatiated.

Thanks so much!!!

LovinTim912 · June 2009

We are sort of in the same position. ?My mom works from home (my dad has his own business, and both her & him run it from their house.) ?The second I announced my pregnancy, she offered to babysit. ?I think I would've felt weird asking her to babysit, so I was soooooo glad she offered on her own.

EastCoastBride · June 2009

My parents watch DS part time. They offered- we did not ask. I think it's a HUGE HUGE thing to ask someone to watch your child and I don't know that I woudl have ever asked my parents to do it if they hadn't offered.

I don't know- I would wait to see if she expresses ANY interest. The fact that she doesn't work doesn't mean she's going to have any desire to want to watch your child.

If you want to ask, though, even if she doesn't offer- what are your expectations? Are you expecting she'll do it for free? My parents do it for free, but they truly LOVE watching DS and would never accept money to do it. But I feel that if I had to ask them and if it wsn't something they readily offered- I would absolutley want to pay them.

riare12 · June 2009

My MIL doesn't watch my LO but my aunt does. She expressed interest when I was pregnanct, I would have never asked on my own otherwise. Taking care of a baby FT is lots of work. As PP said just because she doesn't work doesn't mean she wants that responsibilty. If you are going to ask I would just have your DH do it and say something like, we won't be upset if you say no but we wanted to throw it out there in case you wanted to earn some extra cash (assuming you would pay her).

kevinsbride05 · June 2009

My MIL watched my kids for free, she asked to do it.. and honestly it wasnt the best thing for me... she was always complaining about not getting a day off and being stressed... but didnt want me to find anyone else.... She just went back to work and my DH stays home with them now after being laid off.

spinach · June 2009

It depends on your relationship with your MIL. Mine offered to move to our city (they live 4 hours away) and we said no. I didn't want to be stuck with the arrangement if it didn't work out. My MIL is also very opinioned and defensive and I didn't feel like we could agree on a way to watch DS. I personally wouldn't ask but if you want to see how she feels about it say "we're looking at options for our DC" and see what she says. Also keep in mind if you want or how much you want to pay. Another option is part time. Maybe you can find a day care or something for 3X a week and have her watch 2X a week so she's not so tied town. I personally would have her come to your house so you don't have to keep 2 of everything. Also then she won't be distracted at her own house.

cville-rn · June 2009

My mother watches DS while I sleep (I work part time night shift). I agree with ECB- it is a HUGE committment, and I would see if she expresses interest instead of straight up asking her.

My mom moved across the country from CA to watch our baby. I feel so lucky to have such a great (and free) setup, but some days I wish I could just drop him at day care and have a little time to myself.

She watches him 2-3 days a week while I sleep at her house. That way she can bring him to me to nurse.

All in all it has been great. There have been a few "boundary" type things, where she has tried to mother him a little more than I am comfortable with.

I would wait until your MIL expresses interest and the go from there. Hope it all wokrs out!

rcbuko · June 2009

My situation is a little different from yours because my MIL brought up the idea with my husband years ago before we were even pregnant. ?She had a long commute to work that didn't pay her very much and she knew we would need childcare. ?My MIL is awesome and we get along really well so it was an automatic yes from me once DH brought it up to me.

Usually, my MIL watches the baby at our house but we sometimes bring her over there. ?She has a pack n play and some toys there. ?My MIL self initiated taking a childcare/infant CPR class before the baby was born and at this class she heard all the latest views on childrearing including that babies should sleep on their backs, don't microwave breastmilk, etc. ?She doesn't argue with us on any views we have on bringing up the baby, which I love because I know some people of the older generations are very set in their ways. ?

My MIL watches the baby full time any time we need her (we have crazy unpredictable jobs that have varied hours). ?We do pay her since she quit her job and pay her exactly what she made there. ?We also pay her when we go on vacation and have even taken her on vacation with us and paid for an extra room, etc. ?All this is worth it to us because we know she loves the baby as much as we do. ?I am 100% sure that she would treat the baby as her own (even better since she is still a doting grandmother).

Good luck bringing the matter up with your MIL.?

purplepuggles · June 2009

she volunteered when we were talking about daycare one day. she and FIL watch DS 2 days a week (they are retired) and he goes with me (i work at a daycare) the other 3. it's nice for jack - he gets lots of attention AND gets days where he plays with other babies, and nice for us (saves us some serious money).

they pick him up and drop him off at my work, and he goes to their home. we did find used baby things for free/cheap at craigslist for their house and we bought a car seat base for them to keep in their car. it's going well so far!

CMDR513 · June 2009

I'd wait and see if she offers.

JLB0017 · June 2009

My mom watches my children, she works from home has a online business or it does not get in the way, my MIL takes the kids once a week just to give my Mom a full day to work (I could only handle my IL's taking my children once a week so it works).

I am so comfortable having my Mom watch my kids b/c she is truely my best friend and she listens to me as a parent, if she did not we would have a problem (see what i stated above)

However, my Mom offerred, she had already been watching my nephew and she kept telling us when we had chidlrne she would do the same and when we would mention daycare she would not hear of it.

So while having family watch you child is a great idea just make sure your family is on the same page with you being the aprent and making decisions not them.

kennifer7 · June 2009

My MIL owned a daycare for 30 years but has been retired for the last 5 years. When I was pregnant, my DH mentioned it to her jokingly and to our suprise she actually said yes. We were pretty sure she was going to say no cause we live about 45 minutes away. She comes over to our house and we pay for her gas and since the fastest way to get to our house is via a tollroad, we also pay for all of her tolls. So far its been awesome. It made coming back to work easier knowing that someone that loved my DD was going to be with her all day.

omalley · June 2009

My MIL does not work and has a lot of free time. I was hoping she would be able to help us - even just one day a week. But she made it very clear from the beginning that she did not want to commit her time to help us. But I thought maybe she would change her mind once they arrived but she makes it very clear she does not want to.

I would have your husband try to gently bring up the subject to your MIL so you have an idea if this is even an option for you. I would hate for you to think it was to then be dissapointed if it is not.

Good luck!

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