Party in the delivery room?

NKufferman · June 2009

I'm baffled by all the posts lately regarding family members, IL's etc. inviting themselves or trying to force themselves into the delivery room? I completely understand if the expectant mom wants people other then DH in the room - which is different because they're doing the inviting. It's all the posts and anxiety being created by IL's etc. trying to force their way into the event.

1) I am having my children much later then my friends (we're talking some of them are already grandparents) and have never heard of anyone other then the DH being in the delivery room. None of my friends or I have experienced other people wanting to have make it a party.

2) I can't imagine a situation where a women would feel more exposed then when giving birth. Why would anyone want there IL's in the room with them. Let's face it - based on the posts most of us only tolerate or like ours from a distance. Even if you have a great relationship with you IL's would you really want to be hanging out naked with your legs spread and pulled back over your head, while trying to push a baby out around them?

3) Most grandparents are from a generation where the DH was dropped mom off at the hospital and went to a bar or home until they got the call that the baby was born. If they didn't even have their DH there why would they expect to invited to see the grandchild being board.

4) If you dont' want anyone in the delivery room other then DH and/or want time alone before people come visit - why tell people you're in labor - wait and call to announce the baby is here instead - it avoids the situation completely

My heart goes out to all of you in this situation - I just can't imagine trying to impose myself into such a personal moment for my Daughter In law if the role were reversed. I get that they're excited, but really if you wanted them there you'd invite them on your own.

Any one else find this odd behavior for grand parents?

war_eagle · June 2009

Amen. ?I was talking to my mom and she was saying how much she wanted to be at the hospital "but not in the delivery room or anything." ?To which I replied "Good, b/c you won't be!"

I see it as an intensely personal experience for just MH and I (and I consider my mom and I to be close). ?If someone wants to invite other family members in there, more power to you, but there is just no way any family member should assume or invite him/herself to be there.?

mavilabride · June 2009

Don't even get me started.

My MIL must have forgotten what it takes to bring a baby into this world. She's thinking that I'm going to push the baby out of a place that doesn't involve my vagina so its totally appropriate for her to see the entire thing. Then of course the baby comes fully clothed and ready to be handed to her and I am ready to go home.

And it's her masked attempt at getting herself invited that really make me mad. She says "My friend told me that grandmothers are allowed in the delivery room if they want to be there."

What she doesn't know is that her friend went to witness her own daughter's birth and that her daughter was so comfortable with it she had about 6 people in there including her FIL taking a video. yeah that's not going to happen

Jen&Joe06 · June 2009

You are not alone. I find it completely bizzare. I get that they are going to be grandparents and that that is exciting but I can not wrap my head around the concept that they think they should be in the delivery room.

But perhaps it is just the way I am viewing our pregnancy. It is for Joe and I, not for our parents.

peeper72 · June 2009

What I find even more odd is the number of women here who are too afraid to assert themselves to the in-laws or even their own parents. I can't understand passing up the chance to firmly express that only DH will be present if that's what you want.

4everDsgirl · June 2009

Ya, I made it clear right away before the chance of an ackward conversation came up with the IL's or my mom...I just told everyone that the experience was for me and DH and unless I needed "my mommy" to get me through it...there wasn't going to be ANY invitations to come in the delivery room!!! I didn't apologize at all for it!

penguingrrl · June 2009

I'm with you. And it's not an age thing. I'm 28 and my mother's 52 and neither of us would even consider having her in the delivery room. I did have guests in the room while I was laboring last time (induced and had an epidural and was sitting around waiting), but nobody would have considered remaining in the room while I was being examined or while I was pushing. Both sides consider that a place for myself and my husband only. The people who were there while I was laboring were my Aunt and sister, who are both medical professionals so I wanted them there in case they had questions about what the Drs were doing (I had pre-e) or they thought of something that should be going on and wasn't. They also join me for other important medical things since they have a lot of knowledge I don't and think of questions I would never think to ask.

As far as not telling people you're in labor until the baby's born, while that's a nice idea it's only an option for #1 in many cases. We have to call family because we'll need someone to watch DD1 while I'm in the hospital since I don't want her hanging out there!

NKufferman · June 2009

Good Point - if you already have children the cats out of the bag when you call them to stay with the kids.

meesa31 · June 2009

Amen.

We told people we'd tell them when we were going to the hospital so that they could expect a call within a reasonable time frame to let them know when they could come see the baby - and we get to set THAT timetable. I do not want a party in the delivery room either. I know our families, and they will try to make it about them, rather than our baby, me and DH. And they all know that under no circumstance is anyone other than DH allowed in the delivery room. Period. And if anyone chooses to sit in waiting - fine. But y'all are going to be bored because you won't find out anything any sooner than if you were at home. Thankfully, most of our family has said "Call us when the baby is here and let us know when we can visit."

Also - utilize the nurses at the hospital. If you want people out of the room - let the nurses know. The nurses at our hospital said they have no problem being 'the bad guys' and will not hesitate to kick people out if the mom/dad want people gone!

fnkeefresh · June 2009

My brothers best friend (is female) & she is due within a week of me, her parents, & sister think they're going to be in the delivery room and the only person she wants there is my brother. He is psyched that she has asked him to be there with her, and he is crowd control to keep everyone else out until she is in the recovery room.

fnkeefresh · June 2009

fnkeefresh:
My brothers best friend (is female) & she is due within a week of me, her parents, & sister think they're going to be in the delivery room and the only person she wants there is my brother. He is psyched that she has asked him to be there with her, and he is crowd control to keep everyone else out until she is in the recovery room.

To better explain, she got pregnant from a one night stand, and the daddy wants nothing to do with baby (and she has since found out is a drug dealer, so she wants him to have nothing to do with the baby).

With DD I had my mom & DH in delivery room. This time its just DH & myself.

SPKA · June 2009

I'm fine with people entertaining me through the labor - but there are strict instructions that no one is to be around when there is any exam going on or for the actual delivery. Everyone seems fine with that (my parents, his mom, and a friend of mine).

jb1507 · June 2009

We decided that if we can avoid calling people when I go into labor, then we will...and we told them. Because it could be a false alarm and then you have everyone on the edge of their seat, etc. I don't want my MIL anywhere close to be until a good couple of hours after the baby gets here. The only person that was upset was my sister, because her and I are really close, but she understands that if I let her know everything, its not fair to everyone else. It is such an intimate moment and there are so many things that happen right afterward that there is no reason for everyone to camp out in the waiting room.

BuddhaKitty · June 2009

I could understand possibly wanting my mother in the room, because she is my MOTHER. But MIL... hell-to-the-NO.

mfransdell · June 2009

peeper72:
What I find even more odd is the number of women here who are too afraid to assert themselves to the in-laws or even their own parents. I can't understand passing up the chance to firmly express that only DH will be present if that's what you want.

This. The only time I was to shocked to say anything was when a not-so-close friend invited herself AND her boyfriend to be there. It was so bizzare I just let it go. I wouldn't even call them to let them know I was in Labor let alone invite them to the big show.

mariannerules · June 2009

My mom is pretty cool about the del, she just wants some phone call updates. She does not agree with all the visitation with the newborn. And thats fine with me. Now my MIL is what we need to worry about, DH and i already agreed that she will get updates late. My plan is that she can find out when i'm about to start pushing, then i dont have to worry about her trying to butt in, cause i know she will try. I understand that it is exciting to become a grandparent, but it is even more exciting for DH and i to become parents! I really want the del to be for us.

sju · June 2009

It's like some parents feel entitled to be there when they are not.

I ended up with a c/s with DS but I think my mom thought I was going to let her be in the room if I had a vaginal birth. I made it clear early on that it was DH and I only for the actual delivery.

However, when the time came my beloved OB went and got her and my dad after the c/s so they were all waiting in the recovery room WITH DS when I got there. So, they got to really see and I think touch him before I did. I was a little bitter about it but we were all getting over a kind of traumatic situation so I tried to let it go.

Smtih&co · June 2009

There will be NO ONE in the delivery room from either of our families. I agree that these ILs are crazy. I have been very upfront with DH's folks and my folks that while I appreciate their support and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but this is a time for DH and me. I think his mom was a little disappointed, but everyone else has been super supportive of our decisons. I don't care if they are at the hospital, but they won't be in there when she is born. They may as well stay home.

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