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Stay at Home Moms
mom2be:)2008
member
If you can't afford childcare, can you afford a child?
mom2be:)2008
member
Just wondering what your thoughts are on this. I'm not really a SAHM. I mean I SAHM with dd, but I work 24-32 hours a week on the eve/night shift. Primarily weekends so I can sleep, but occasionally I do work in the week and have to be up the next day. I asked on 6-12 months what the gals thought about pregnancy and a 2nd child while trying to do this shift. I think it would be very challenging, and I am not sure if I would rather wait until dd is at least in preschool so I can get some more rest.
Anyway, it prompted a couple of the girls to reply that it "doesn't sound like I can afford 1 child, so why would I have a 2nd one?" It kind of upset me, because I can afford my dd, we live in a nice home, we both have good jobs, we eat healthy, pay our bills on time,rarely touch a credit card, have a savings, etc. I wouldn't consider us to be paupers, but we aren't rich by any standard and paying 1600-2000 for daycare is just a bit outside of our budget. It's especially outside of our budget because I would basically lose a paycheck and a half to pay for childcare, which just seems silly to me.
So what do you think, if you can't afford to pay for childcare, then should you have a child?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you can't afford childcare, can you afford a child?
I work 2 twelves a week 7p to 7:30a. ususally weekends, but I do try to schedule myself off a weekend a month, which means working during the week. dd does go to a preschool during the school year, which helps. ds and I nap while she's at school. she doesn't nap much anymore. If I do one during the week like this, I'm okay... it's when I'm doing multiple in one week that I go bonkers....for instance, there have been times I've been called in extra and agreed to go in and have worked every other day or two shifts in a row mid week... makes for a cranky momma. It's tough, do-able, but tough. it was going to be $1K a month to send both to daycare 2 days a week. I just cannot see spending that much money. dd's preschool is less b/c it's affiliated with dh's college (he's a professor, we get a hefty discount), but ds isnt' old enough for their program yet. When he is, I may consider switching to a full time day position... and hiring a college student for the extra hours needed. this is definitely not for the long haul. but while they are young, it is a conveient option.
3 eights at 11-7 wouldn't be bad either , if your ds is home in time for you to catch a 2 or 3 hr nap. that would be nice. I'd do that if they'd let me.
I choose nights b/c if I worked day shift, I would not see my children at all those days. when I first started at this facility, I was leaving before they got up and coming home after they were in bed. I do not want to do that even just two days a week.
and you are not alone, I know plenty of people who choose alternating work schedules with a spouse to avoid daycare fees. don't let people get to you.
Thanks so much for the responses girls! Good to know I'm not the only one trying to do this!
Halo, I did think about that, a h.s. sitter, now that dd is nearing a year old, I'd be a little more comfortable leaving her with someone while I slept, especially if they were here at my house, they could always wake me if there was an emergency.
Currently, when I have to work during the week, I try to lay down for a few hours when dh gets home. We have dinner and I lay down by 730 (I shower before he gets home) and so I can sleep for about 2 1/2 hours before I have to get up and go. It's not alot, but that combined with a 2 hour nap from dd the next day (where I sleep too) is enough to keep me from feeling like I will pass out!
Anyway, thanks for the pick me up. I was feeling upset after posting over there, and kind of surprised, although since it's a message board with lots of people/lots of opinions I guess I shouldn't have been shocked that there was some snarky responses. The bottom line is you do what you have to do for your kids ya know?
Same Here
I work in healthcare too, and quite a few of the RN's on my unit are doing this. Most of them have kids that are in preschool at least, so they do get a bit more sleep, but said they didn't when there kiddos were my dd's age.
Thanks Halo, you made me feel a lot better
I know nothing about working nights, but in general I do not agree with the idea that not affording childcare = not affording children. I know that the demographics of the nest/bump tend to be on the higher end than the general population. I also feel like many here (not this board specifically) feel that SAH is something of a status symbol, or at least something that you could only possibly do if your DH makes six-figures.
But when I look around my middle class/lower-middle class neighborhood, the people that I see staying home are generally poorer people. People who keep their kids clothed and fed and have decent cars and even own a decent home in a good school district - but they are staying home because they can't earn as much as childcare costs.
I definitely DO NOT AGREE in the slightest!
It sounds like to me you can afford your child and future children because, even if you put them in daycare, you can still bring in income so, I'm not quite understanding how that is you, not being able to afford them. I hate to come across as harsh but it sounds like whomever said that to you was being incredibly insensitive and a bit "high & mighty" but most likely does not have an ideal situation herself so, I would brush those comments off.
Whatever you situation; to SAH, work full- or part-time, to work alternating shifts from your husband, to have a live-in nanny or some combination of the above, it's what makes your family happy that matters and I'm sure you know better than anyone if you can afford additional children.
Good luck!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
I have not read any of the other posts but here are my 2 cents:
I think there are a lot lot lot of reasons NOT to have kids and there are just as many, if not more, TO have kids. That said, if you can not afford them meaning: no food on the table, living off of government support, depending on outside financial support (or physical support) ie: your parents or some other relative HAS to watch them in order for you to keep them in your custody, etc. then NO, I don't think its responsible to have children. Does that mean people use those reasons to keep them from having kids? No.
Are you one of these people? I don't think so. Not from what you've said.
Now, that said, if you feel like your physical, financial, mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing or health would be at risk adding another child to the mix then I'd take a second look at the timing of your second child. There's no point in having another one "so the first will have a sibling" if the entire family is going to be miserable because of being stressed, strapped, and emotionally/mentally/spiritually strained. NO kids want to be raised in that type of environment. I can guarentee that your child would rather, looking back from an adult perspective, be an only child than live in a family of chaos or drama and have a sibling.
I'm not speculating that you'd make that type of decision, I'm just making this point from the adult perspective of a mother who had me at 16 (was not able to provide, support in any way - financial, mental, emotional, etc) and then went onto have two more kids further down the road for the wrong reasons...she wasn't around for any of us because she worked a million hours a week to support us. The second two kids were planned, too!
Anyway, don't worry what other people say. Do what YOU have to do after you've weighed the options. You are the only one who has to reap the rewards and/or deal with the consequences and the only one who has to be responsible for the eventual welfare and growing resulting children.
Everyone has an opinion...and everyone thinks they're right. Listen to every perspective, gain insight, and then make your decision!
I can afford having a child as long as I DON'T have to afford daycare. Daycare would literally cost my entire paycheck. My DH works a full time job & a part time job which pay all our bills with plenty left over, so that at this point my income is being used to purchase things we need for the baby & build up savings. I could stay at work, but then my entire paycheck would be daycare fees, so what's the point?
So no, I don't think you have to be able to afford childcare (if childcare=daycare) to have children.
ditto. as long as your children are taken care of and you have food on the table and a roof, then why does anyone else care?
if i got a job during the day, most of my salary would go to daycare. if we had a second, it would be outrageous.
we are better off financially with me NOT working. what a dumb comparison.
People on 6-12 can just be super snarky.
We couldn't afford childcare but we provide everything for our child. No she doesn't wear nike shoes or name brand clothes, but she always has a full belly, plenty of things to entertain her and clothes on her back. Childcare is expensive and some people spend 30k a year on it. When I decided to SAH it was a matter of, is the money I'm making worth the hours I'm missing away from my daughter? The answer was no. Luckily we have grandma to help watch DD while I'm in school and we live off DH's puny salary quite frugally.
If you can't afford to care for your child - don't have one. But childcare does not equal caring for the child.
I don't know you but the fact that you pay bills on time and have a savings means you're doing better than some people out there that make six figures.
?
I don't think that statement is true for everyone. Personally, if you can't afford to buy yourself the necessities of life, then I don't think you can afford a child, but if you can afford to keep your child out of daycare, then you can obviously afford a child. Does that make sense?
Wait, hold up. That's not what anyone was saying. Here, let me link you...
https://tinyurl.com/mkrmzt
Some people were reacting to the statements that YOU had made about not being able to afford to SAH or for childcare:
mom2be:)2008: 'The reason we are doing this is that we really can't afford daycare, well we could, but I'd basically have no paycheck if we paid for daycare. We can't afford for me to quit working and be a SAHM mom entirely either, so this was the only option really.'
I don't think anyone was saying, 'You shouldn't have had a child.' I commend you for working like you do and making this work for your family!