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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
mom2be:)2008
member
WWYD re:baby #2
mom2be:)2008
member
DH and I have been talking about trying for a second baby. He wants to start trying sometime early next year. I'd love to have a second baby, but I am nervous about my work schedule and if I'd be able to handle it.
I work evening and night shifts, primarily nights. DH works days. I work mostly on the weekend, but sometimes work up to 1 or 2 nights during the week, so when I get off work, I am up the entire next day until DH gets home, so basically I am up for about 36 hours straight.
I am not sure if this would be a good situation for pregnancy or another child. I do ok with dd, I'm very tired when I skip a night of sleep, but she generally takes a nap for 2 hours so I sleep then and it gets me through.
The reason we are doing this is that we really can't afford daycare, well we could, but I'd basically have no paycheck if we paid for daycare. We can't afford for me to quit working and be a SAHM mom entirely either, so this was the only option really.
I really want another child and I'd love for them to be close in age, but I'm wondering if maybe we'd be better off waiting until dd is in school so that I can get some rest. That would make them about 5-6 years apart and make me 32 or 33 when dc#2 arrived (if I got pregnant right away and all of that).
So what do you think?
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Re: WWYD re:baby #2
Having children close in age is not nearly as important as a mothers sanity.
That's why, when Josephine turns 15, I'll attempt #2.
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Ditto. ? ?
I don't think you can really afford the baby you have, let alone another one. I'm not trying to be harsh, but it sounds like this is a stressful situation for you already (both for sleep and financial purposes). I can't imagine that it would be good to add more stress to the situation.
If you're tired now, I don't think your body or mind could handle pregnancy and a newborn (I know mine couldn't).
Not going to lie, having my boys 5 years apart was probably the best decision we made. He was in school and I was able to sleep while he was at school during my pregnancy, and able to nap once baby came.
Now with 2 under 2, I am seriously losing my mind. I think in 4 weeks, I have gotten about 20 hours of sleep. DD is up all night, and with 2 boys here, I cant nap cause they dont nap together.
I never understood why people said going from 1 to 2 kids was so hard, because it was always a breeze with my boys. Now I see why, cause with 2 close together its hard. And it takes us a good 1-2 hours to get out the door to go anywhere.
W can afford dd for sure. I guess I'm not sure what you mean by your statement that we can't afford the child we have. We're all eating well, we live in a nice house in good neighborhood, we pay our bills on time, we have savings. That sounds snotty when I say it that way, I didn't mean it to be, just pointing out that we're not in the poorhouse or anything. The decision not to do childcare wasn't entirely financially based, we were not comfortable putting dd in childcare after touring several facilities. We were however a bit shocked by the 1600-2000 dollars a month it would cost us to put her in childcare which just seemed like a crime to have somebody else taking care of my child all day.
I am tired on the weeks where I end up working and staying up all day. That is the part I am worried about. I remember how exhausting pregnancy was and I am thinking working nights and being pregnant is not a great plan.
I am shocked by how much your childcare is in your area...up to $2,000! Can I ask where you live? I don't blame you for not sending them to childcare, I only work 35 hours a week and it is horrible being away from my daughter. Good luck and I hope you make the decision that is right for you and your family.
I know it's awful, we looked at like 12 different places too! We found a home daycare that was only 1000 a month, but the place reeked like cigarettes. I live in Michigan. I work 24-32 hours a week and I wish I could be a SAHM.
I forgot to say, I love your siggy pic! It reminds me of that Tom Cruise movie!
Thank you!
and ditto being a stay at home mom, I wish for it everyday! I cannot believe that daycare rates are that high! I'm still shocked! We live in Ohio, and I never checked in to what prices are here for daycare, we have an in-home provider that only charges $2 an hour. I guess I should say that is at her home, not our home. Our previous babysitter charged $25 a day, which was stilll pretty reasonable. Both people our family knew so we kind of lucked in to finding them.
If we didn't find such great babysitter's that our family's knew, I would not feel comfortable sending her, so I don't blame you there.
The 20 hours in 4 weeks may be an exaggeration but right now, thats what it feels like, LOL I do have a job, but have been on Medical leave since March after a very tough pregnancy with #3. But I work part time at BRU, in the evenings, so its not Horribly bad. I am going back to work in 3 weeks actually. I work in the evenings so we dont have to put our kids in day care as well.
I live in MI too, what part are you in?
Southeast Michigan, how about you?
Do you like working at BRU? I always thought that'd be a fun place to work, do you get a good discount?
I agree that you made it sound like you can't afford DD. What if your husband suddenly started working nights too and you had to put her in daycare?
Well that's just silly. Somehow I managed to survive an entire year of life not able to afford her then! How ridiculous. I afford her just fine thank you, she's healthy and thriving and has everything and more than she could ever need and we have not gone into debt or touched a single credit card.
Many many people choose to SAHM or work an alternative schedule to avoid daycare. I can afford to pay it, it would be tight, I don't know many people that can come up with an extra 2 grand a month, but for you richie riches more power to ya
First off, my DH would never have to work nights, his job isn't even open in the night. So that's a hypothetical situation that will not happen. I had a day job and I quit it for a night job to sahm with dd during the day. If some crazy thing happened and he had to work nights, I would quit my job. My pay at work minus the cost of daycare=zero. So it would be a bit ridiculous for me to have somebody else spending more time with my child than I do and not bring home a paycheck in the end.
I also want to say, some of you girls make it sound like unless you can afford childcare, you can't afford to have a child. Sadly, now a days, with most things requring 2 incomes, families have to be dual income alot of the time. Some people are more fortunate than others and possibly had mom and dad paying for college and everything else until they got married but that wasn't the case for me. DH and I put ourselves through college and have both been on our own since we were 19. We accumulated a few more student loans than I would've liked, so if we didn't have those, I guess we'd be a bit more well off.
For cripes sake, I have no idea how this post turned into a defense of my monetary value. I just wanted to know what y'all thought about pregnancy and a second child while working nights. Thats the nest/bump for ya.
I think the reason the PPer said that it didn't sound like you can afford the child you have is because you basically said that yourself here. We didn't have kids until we could afford everything they needed. That includes either childcare OR for me to be a SAHM. By your own account, you are not able to afford either. For us, that would have been a deal breaker. Sounds like you are sort of making it work with one, but I don't think you (or anyone) could pull off this schedule with two.
Yeah I can see how it came off that way, but that's not what I meant. I am also unhappy with every daycare we went too, and that the cost COMBINED with the substandard care I thought she'd receive, I chose this option. Over on the SAHM mom board there are other moms doing the same thing I am doing. I don't think that not being able to/not wanting to pay for childcare equals not being a parent. For some people maybe, but not for everyone. DH and I probably could've waited a few more years to have kids, but then we wouldn't have dd and I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world!
I understood exactly what you meant. You CAN afford your DD. Because your working. I don't get why it's becoming a huge deal either.
But, as to the topic, I think being prego & staying up 36 hours would kill me. So don't think it would be the best idea.