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Success after IF
Thoughts on weaning... (long)
DS is over 1 now, and that was always my commitment, but along the way I decided I would sort of feel things out beyond that. DH was in agreement and had actually leaned toward BFing for longer. Now for some reason, DH is totally ready for me to wean. He keeps mentioning it, and when I questioned him on his change of heart, he said he thinks DS is old enough to stop and doesn't need it anymore.
I am really torn. I'm not entirely ready to stop, and DS doesn't seem ready to me, either. There are a number of issues on my mind. First, I don't feel confident that DS is getting all that he needs from solid foods. He doesn't eat a large enough variety of veggies, for one thing. He LOVES fruit and dairy (except NOT regular milk) and eats plenty of whole grains, but we have to really work at getting him enough meat (he likes it, but the quantities he'll eat are small) and veggies (most have to be disguised with cheese or served as purees).
Also, right now DS nurses 6 times a day. Two of those times he would happily do without and just have a snack of some sort instead, but it's a battle getting him in the high chair for that many times per day, and he won't sit still enough to have a small snack elsewhere (like my lap). As for the other 4 times that he nurses, he WANTS to nurse...badly. One of the times is in the early morning hours (he stopped STTN when we spent 2 weeks in TX...argh), so I'm hoping he'll just drop that one like he had done before. But that still leaves 3 times a day that he clutches at me and makes a wimpering cry until he's BF'd.
There are a couple things behind DH's view that I know are actually the bigger reasons than what he's saying. One is that he feels like we can't "get away" because I have to either be around DS to nurse him or pump while we're gone. I think he's frustrated by the inconvenience of it all at this point. Another is that he's thinking about TTC again. He just went in for a new SA (b/c things can change a lot w/cancer...many men bounce right back to normal counts). Things looked the same as before, unfortunately, so we are officially SIF and are even less likely to be one of those lucky ones with a surprise BFP post-IVF success. While I do want DS to have a sibling, I'm not ready to jump into IVF again in the near future.
Ugh, I just don't know what to do here. I guess for now I'll see if I can get DS to take snacks instead of BFing for those two flexible times, but beyond that........ It's not an "issue" right now between us, but I can tell it will be soon, and I really want to avoid that... Thoughts? Thanks for reading all this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thoughts on weaning... (long)
I don't know if I'm alone in this or not, but when it comes to BFing, I feel that is mainly the mothers choice.
I want my DH's support, absolutely. And I like being able to talk about MY concerns about weaning, my hesitations, and have him as a sounding board.
However, in the end, I felt that the decision to BF, how long, and when to wean was ultimately MY choice. Yes, it's his child, but it's my body.
I would have been really put off if I was happy BFing and DH was trying to get me to stop for no other reason than "we can't go away". In the scope of life, the time you are BFing really is relatively short. I feel that the freedom to be away from your child can be sacrificed for a period if it's important to the mother to nurse her child.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My biggest thought is on Swine Flu. I would keep breastfeeding through next flu season just beacause it is going to be a BAD one and BFing will help him get though it better if you guys get sick.
I also agree that DH should have little to no say in how long you BF for. It is your body not his! Yes BFing is inconvenient at times but there are so many benifits.
Lastly your concerns are very valid and reason enough to keep breastfeeding. Proper nutrition is important and if he can't/won't eat enough solids to give him what he needs then you should keep breastfeeding him. particularly since you want to.
You had me at the phrase "I'm not sure I"m ready yet".
It your body, and your relationship with DS. Yes your DH does get a say, but it's your choice at the end of the day.
Do what you feel comfortable doing. Life will happen, but your DS will never be young again.
Hmmm I'm torn on this one.. Yes it's up to you and it's your body. BUT... your DH probably feels a little left out. He wants to travel with you and go out without having to worry about you BFing. It sounds like he has no ill feelings toward BF but that he kinda wants to move on with your relationship. It's not a bad thing.
hmmm... I don't know what to tell you. It really is up to you but I'm sure I am rare and also see DH's side.
I also think DS would maybe like whole milk better if he wasn't bf as often- who would want cow milk when you can have sweet mommy milk???
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
Ok I hope that came across as I meant it. I wouldn't worry about his lack of whole milk because you are BF. He probably likes the BM taste better than the whole milk.
But it does sound like he's getting most of the vitamins he needs. Look at what he eats in a week instead of a day... some days are gonna be better than others at this point.
I'm sure you won't BF forever so if you decide to keep going... DH will get his way sooner than later!
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
Ha...Good point, Kim. I always call it "cow milk" when I offer it, but DH just says "milk." DS gives him the funniest looks then! He's totally, "What the heck, Dad. That is NOT milk." LOL!!!
I'm actually a little bit surprised by all the "it's your decision, not his" sentiments. DH and I have always made all of our important decisions together. I think it's one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. This is just one of the first times when we've ended up on different sides of a topic that involves a third party (DS). I'm sure it won't be the last time, but generally speaking, we are on the same page with just about everything once we talk it through, and when we aren't, it is something we can agree to just get over. Not so easy to do when DS is involved.
Like I said, it's not an issue right now. DH isn't really pushing me, but he is making his view known. I'm just worried that it will become an issue, and I need to have a game plan. I also need to get all of my thoughts straightened out. To be fair, I do complain about things like not fitting into half of my shirts (still) because my boobs are too big. And buying bras has been a royal PITA. He hears all of that, which I'm sure doesn't help.
That said, though, I'm not sure what kind of replies I was expecting! Re-reading my post, it seems like a natural reaction to basically offer support about continuing to BF. I guess I'm wishing there was some happy medium, when I know there isn't one. I am tired of BFing in a lot of ways, but like some of you said, he's only little for such a short time. And it's not like I can change my mind a month after weaning. So...I'm just really hesitant. And I had kind of expected to wean reeeaaaallllly slowly...holding on to the bedtime and morning feedings for another 6 months at least.
Hmm...I should mention that last bit to DH. This has been helpful! It's forced me to work through my thoughts in a way I wasn't managing on my own. Thanks SO much, everyone!
If it helps, I weaned down to 2 feedings for a couple months, then down to just bedtime feeding for another month. It was a nice, slow progression for us.
happy 1st birthday!!!! was that a few days ago?
I think DH has a 'say', but not much of one, but I also agree with Skimmy that what he wants are all positives (another baby and more time with you and the baby).
Do what you think is right.....My DS has started solids, but last night he didn't want to take any and he was grunting for my bbs. I have a feeling I will go through what you are going through - but I'm not planning for a year or anything.
If it were me, I would kindly tell DH that I plan to continue as long as DS and I are up to it. You won't ever get that time back with your child.
Just because DH wants to go out with you doesn't mean you want to go out with him without your DS.
my dh and your dh are pretty much feeling the same way. he'd really like for me to stop and i am not ready, and neither is ds. some of dh's reasons for wanting me to stop are basically to encourage ds to eat more solids and drink more whole milk to help him gain weight. he is seriously a peanut at 19lbs. plus, he will not eat solid foods at daycare and it is becoming an issue.
i see/saw his point, and while i'm not ready to stop i have gradually cut back. we are down to 2-3 nursing sessions a day now. in the morning before work/daycare, before bed at night, and usually once in the middle of the night. occasionally there is a mid day session in there. usually on my days off.
it's working well for now. our schedules are more flexible and he's eating solids a bit better. as far as stopping totally goes i'm leaving that up to ds. right now he loves his bm and i don't see a total end in sight. i may try to drop the night feeding totally and see how things go though. momma is tired!