Need advice about smoking

brandyward · June 2009

I've been a smoker for about ten years, and have stopped cold turkey two or three times. Each time it's easy to stop, and usually lasts 6-8 months each time I stop. However, it never fails that my husband smokes around me and smells like it, so I give up and smoke again.

I am smoking right now and I feel sooooo bad about it. I think every day that if something happens to this baby I'll blame myself forever. Additionally, I have diabetes (have for five years). I have started eating right and my glucose levels are great. That was REALLY hard to change a lifetime of bad eating habbits overnight.

Even with all my sacrifices, mentally and physically, my husband refuses to eat right or stop smoking. I asked him to at least not smoke any time I'm around. He says he'll want to go outside, but I tell him part of the issue is that I smell it on him and want one. And, he doens't eat right (he weighs 320). So, it's not like he's fit or anything. We both need to change. I'm ready.

He says he's not. What should I do?

Thanks for the advice ladies.

swimrbride · June 2009

Umm....you are pregnant. Everything you do is also affecting that baby. It sucks that your DH is not supportive but you need to take care of yourself and that baby. Quit smoking.

kendra316 · June 2009

I'm going to be brutally honest and say that I think its disgusting that you still smoke. Who cares what your DH does, YOU are pregnant, not him

I quit smoking 22 months ago after 17 years of smoking, so I know its possible, not easy at all but I did it without a baby growing inside of me so i'm sure you can find the will and do it.

ChicNotGeek · June 2009

Stop smoking now. You're baby's high IQ and normal birth weight will thank you. Your heart and blood pressure will thank you, too. Ask your husband to smoke outside as long as you are pregnant. Then maybe you'll be able to kick the habit for good, (since he won't be around you), and maybe he'll get sick of going outside and quit smoking himself. GOod luck! I understand that it's a tough thing to kick.

krissyh21 · June 2009

Unfortunately, you can not make a person want to quit smoking. They have to get their on their own for anything to take. I smoked for a lot of years and tried quiting for a lot of years before it stuck, I can not imagine it ever working if I didn't want it for myself.

I would continue to demand he not smoke in front of you. He should respect that. BUT smelling it on him is something you need to control. I work in a bar with smokers all around me. It sucks and there are times I would like one, but I fight the urge. After about 5 minutes of taking deep breathes or chewing gum the feeling goes away. You need to own your power in over coming the want. It is hard, but you can do it.

Brittni Rimmer · June 2009

Okay...first of all...let me say that I really don't think she needs to be criticized for smoking. Its hard enough with all the hormones and crap that you're going through.

Second, I think you should just think about yourself and your baby, since your DH isn't at the moment.

I know its hard...but you can do it!

ELPB · June 2009

Talk to your doc about YOU quitting. I smoked for 14 years and quit about 3 days after my BFP. I still want to smoke sometimes (like after a long day of work on the car ride home), but now that I've quit and am pregnant, the smell of it actually bothers me- thank goodness!

As for DH, you can't change him. My bro has smoked for 14 years also, he has two kids who are 11 and 9. He always says he wants to and that this is his "last pack" but he always buys a new pack the next morning. One day, it will hit him- hopefully before it causes some problem that he can't get rid of!

PS. Once you quit, you will feel better physically and emotionally. GL!

kauai04 · June 2009

I've never smoked before myself, so I can't personally understand the craving. My husband's co-worker smoked throughout her pregnancy and her son has had so many respiratory problems. Everytime you have the urge maybe you could try imagining your baby having problems in the future and the medical expenses that will come also. Think about the fact that it is your decision to smoke- you made that choice, but your baby is being exposed to all of those chemicals and will suffer the health problems throughout life even though they never made the choice to smoke. It is your job to protect them.

As for your husband, you can't make him change (as much as you want to). He will have to find the desire on his own. Maybe you can continue to talk with him about your hopes for your future as a family, hopefully he will decide to change some things. Stay strong and continue to think about your baby first!

brandyward · June 2009

Thanks "babyemily" for sticking up for me. I agree with all the criticism, but it is hard to take also. Everything makes me cry, I make myself cry thinking about what I am doing when I smoke.

I_am_DCA · June 2009

Just focus on being positive for your baby. Not smoking is positive. Asking DH not to smoke around you is positive. You can do this because it's not for you. It's for your baby. Congrats on changing your eating and controlling you glucose. You CAN quit. Your future child will appreciate it.

Good luck!

mooeta · June 2009

What you need to do is quit smoking. If he doesn't want to change that is up to him, but you are responsible for that baby right now. You're subjecting it to harmful chemicals and toxins. Be strong for your baby, that's what's important.

itkatydid@gmail.com · June 2009

I know that criticism is difficult to take especially when we are all already emotional. However, being diabetic you are already at advanced risk for cardiac and circulation issues as well respiratory problems. It is obvious by your guilt that you really want to quit. I know you can do it. It's not about you or your husband. You can and will grow a smart and healthy baby!! You can do it honey!

seanandcallie · June 2009

I don't smoke myself but I do understand the problem with your husband. My husband and I had "agreed" long ago that he would quit smoking when I got pregnant. So now it's been 3 m/c and pregnant for the forth time and he still smokes. In no way do I feel that smoking defines a person, but I grew up with a father who smoked and hated it. Even though he smoked outside the smell was on him and got on the furniture, car, and me. I am trying very hard to not get mad or stressed over this now but it is hard. I wish you the best and know that you can and will quit smoking for the sake of the beautiful little one growing inside of you.

kauai04 · June 2009

seanandcallie:
I don't smoke myself but I do understand the problem with your husband. My husband and I had "agreed" long ago that he would quit smoking when I got pregnant. So now it's been 3 m/c and pregnant for the forth time and he still smokes. In no way do I feel that smoking defines a person, but I grew up with a father who smoked and hated it. Even though he smoked outside the smell was on him and got on the furniture, car, and me. I am trying very hard to not get mad or stressed over this now but it is hard. I wish you the best and know that you can and will quit smoking for the sake of the beautiful little one growing inside of you.

Question- How are you 5 weeks & due in March? I'm 8 weeks and due in Mid-January.

Addicted2thenot · June 2009

?

See this cute lil guy. he has a heart condition. I did not realize I was PG until I was 9wks & I smoked. The morning I got my BFP I quit but I will always wonder if what I did before I knew I was PG caused it. I feel guilty.

I can't imagine the guilt you will feel if there is anything wrong with your child. Stop now for you & your baby. You are being to easy on yourself by making excuses. sorry, that is the way it is.?

UnwritteN223 · June 2009

I've been in a similar boat. I'm diabetic and smoked for about 8 years. I quit the day after I got my BFP, slipping twice two weeks later. I haven't had one since then though. And, although I occasionally get cravings, the smell makes me sick to my stomach now. If you do nothing else, at least try to cut back. Even that can help.

I know that it is hard to change your lifestyle, especially all at once. I started to feel great after getting my blood sugars under control (awesome job on getting them under control, btw!) and I feel even better now that I've quit smoking. You can't control what DH does and I'm sorry that he doesn't seem to be more supportive. But just think about how awesome you felt after getting your blood sugar under control.....you'll feel even better if you are able to quit or even cut back on the smoking!

Best of Luck to you!!!!

seanandcallie · June 2009

kauai04:
seanandcallie:
I don't smoke myself but I do understand the problem with your husband. My husband and I had "agreed" long ago that he would quit smoking when I got pregnant. So now it's been 3 m/c and pregnant for the forth time and he still smokes. In no way do I feel that smoking defines a person, but I grew up with a father who smoked and hated it. Even though he smoked outside the smell was on him and got on the furniture, car, and me. I am trying very hard to not get mad or stressed over this now but it is hard. I wish you the best and know that you can and will quit smoking for the sake of the beautiful little one growing inside of you.

Question- How are you 5 weeks & due in March? I'm 8 weeks and due in Mid-January.

Ya know... that's a good question! I have no clue where March came from LOL! I guess I'm just a spaz. I'm just guessing at this point. I wont know until next Friday exactly where I am but... wow... a month sooner... I feel like a goober. LOL Stick out tongue

Kingston54 · June 2009

Another vote here for you to stop smoking immediately. You need to do what is best for the baby, regardless of how hard it is

Best of luck.

jl_nc · June 2009

you definitely need to stop smoking, there are so many risks for the baby before it's born if you are still smoking...and even after the baby is born, smoking increases the probability of SIDS...so smoking in the house is out and the smell on clothes is bad for babies too...get some literature on it and go over it with DH...he will want to change for the baby...you both need to be healthy and around for your family!! talk to your OB too...lots of preg moms have to deal with quitting during preg and their partners too!! they may have some good insight and ideas! GL!! be strong!!

khhemh · June 2009

I will try not to be hurtful with my words and just be honest. I made the stupid decision with my own health condition to smoke for about 6 years on and off. I have asthma smoking doesn?t make it any easier to live with but I totally understand its your own decision and your life and I wouldn?t listen to anyone about uitting till I was ready but now there?s not only your life that you can be hurting there?s that baby that depends on you. I had actually quit 2 weeks before I became pregnant because I wanted to start training to run a marathon and I knew I couldn?t do it smoking. Since quitting I have had some cravings because my husband does still occasionally smokes, I have friends that smoke, and with it being wedding season I?ve been to a lot of bachlorette parties which have been at clubs with smoking but even with all of that I have not picked up a cigarette because I want my child to choose for her/his self when and if she/he ever wants to smoke in life.

Also I have a SD whose mother smoked through all of her pregnancies all of her children have constant illnesses. My SD suffers from allergies, asthma and chronic ear infections.

I hope that soon you will have the strength to give it up not just for your baby but also for you health.

kauai04 · June 2009

seanandcallie:
kauai04:

seanandcallie:
I don't smoke myself but I do understand the problem with your husband. My husband and I had "agreed" long ago that he would quit smoking when I got pregnant. So now it's been 3 m/c and pregnant for the forth time and he still smokes. In no way do I feel that smoking defines a person, but I grew up with a father who smoked and hated it. Even though he smoked outside the smell was on him and got on the furniture, car, and me. I am trying very hard to not get mad or stressed over this now but it is hard. I wish you the best and know that you can and will quit smoking for the sake of the beautiful little one growing inside of you.

Question- How are you 5 weeks & due in March? I'm 8 weeks and due in Mid-January.

Ya know... that's a good question! I have no clue where March came from LOL! I guess I'm just a spaz. I'm just guessing at this point. I wont know until next Friday exactly where I am but... wow... a month sooner... I feel like a goober. LOL

No problem! I was just confused!

ablou · June 2009

Brandy darlin, I KNOW how hard it is to quit. ?I have quit so so so many times, and started up again. ?But the promise I made to myself when I started smoking (nearly 15 years ago), was that when I had kids, I would quit, because I don't want to perpetuate generations of smoking in our children. ?Luckily, DH was of the same mindset as myself. ?I threw out all of my cigarettes when I went to bed the night I got my BFP. ?It was hard for a couple of days, but it ended up being okay. ?DH quit about ?a week later, and I think it was harder for him. ?Whenever he would come home smelling like smoke, I would explain to him that it's both not fair and cruel to me. ?

Not to be preachy, but if you're ready to change, do it, girl! ?I know you can! ?If DH won't eat right, just make sure you do the grocery shopping, and have him eat what you cook at home. ?You must insist that he smoke outdoors, because the secondhand smoke is bad for you, as well. ?If he smokes and the smell bothers you, tell him that he can't be in the same room as you, and make him shower before coming to bed. ?

As far as your DH not being ready, you gotta tell him, that ready or not, this baby is a-comin, and a change is gonna come with it! ?

Good luck with everything, and I know that things are going to work out. ?

?

epphd · June 2009

I think you've gotten some great advice, but I would add that I think you AND your DH should sit down with your doctor to talk about how the smoking of either one of you affects the baby. It may not be enough to get him to quit, but hopefully it will be enough of a talking to to get him to respect your wishes, not smoke around you, and maybe even cut back.

You know what to do - that's clear. Let your doctor help you do it.

Good luck!!

MysticMary · June 2009

Well I think your ahead of some mothers-to-be out there, there are some pregnant women that don't even care if they smoke or drink! So it's a step in the right direction knowing that you want to stop and knowing that it's the right thing to do.

My husband and I used to smoke, and then we got pregnant, we both stopped, it wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, but we kept thinking about our baby, and it's just so easy to choose which is the best thing to do. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest habbits in life to knock, my mother passed away from lung cancer in March, and that didn't even stop us! Being pregnant is the most wonderful thing in the world (ok minus MS and crazy mood swings, and feeling like crap most of the time) but it's worth it in the end.

Set a good example for your husband, and show him how to do it!

babydragonsister · June 2009

Oh sweetie, that sucks! Okay, not sure if it will work for you, but here's what I did. Obviously my dh really was concerned about me quitting when we first found out. It wasn't hard for me to quit (wish I could help you here, but the hormones made it super-easy for me to quit after 15 years, don't know why) but dh was still puffing. I told him how difficult it made it for me and told him that he was going to be the reason if our baby ended up with smoker parents. Didn't work. So then I told him that he could smoke, but that I was going to have a cigarette every time he did. The bluff worked, he freaked out and quit (after I smoked 2 disgusting cigarettes in front of him). He was annoying to live with for a week or so, but he quit! Smoking 2 more cigarettes definitely did not harm my baby as much as it would have harmed her to have a smoker for a dad.

Hope something works for you....It is so important to quit smoking with everything we now know about what it does to our health. GL!

naflmj · June 2009

Is this a serious post? My mom smoked for years and when she got pregnant with me quit with no problem...my father also never smoked around her and has since quit. I realize it's an addiction but it is the most selfish thing you could do knowing the risks. Get some will power and stop.

MonicaGeller · June 2009

Also - I would bring him to talk to your doctor about the effects of 2nd hand smoke on the developing baby and once your child is born - or google some articles on it. Second hand smoke is almost worse than 1st hand! I would insist he keep a clean change of clothes to change into after smoking and wash thouroughly before he comes into contact with you while pregnant.

lizzyashby · June 2009

Have you asked about getting outside help from a therapist or counselor for you and/or your husband. I think personally it is great to ask for help from someone who really knows what you don't about quitting. And maybe can help you find out if there are other reasons behind your addiction than just nicotine. I saw that it says you are praying for your baby so I am assuming you might be a church goer. Sometimes there are addiction groups or counselors right there. Either way that you do this, you do not want to feel this guilt and shame in the middle of one of the most beautiful times of your life. Use your love for your baby to get healthy yourself and you can always thank your little bundle of joy. Good luck!

madeleines_mommy · June 2009

Hope this doesn't sound rude, but who's pregnant? Not your DH. It's up to you to protect your child while it is inside of you, not his. That sucks that he isn't changing his lifestyle just because you have to.

I really wanted a glass of wine while out at dinner last night, but I didn't do it just b/c my DH had one, nor would I expect him to abstain for no reason

Be strong and quit!! Your baby will have problems if you don't.. in fact, smoking cigarettes is more dangerous during pregnancy than most illegal drugs and alcohol... think about what you are doing..

I wish you the best.. but i'm sorry, I have no tolerance for things of this nature.

TheresaH · June 2009

I quit smoking almost a year ago and I know how hard it is. I quit because I wanted to be able to run around after my kids and be there as they grow up.

My dad was a smoker and he died before I graduated college. I would give anything to have him around now. When talking to my brother-in-law who smokes and has two kids I told him how I wish my dad was around to walk me down the aisle when I got married. Having a daughter, that kind of hit home for him.?

My husband still smokes. I make him go outside now and I can't stand the smell. Lately, every time he goes out for a smoke I say to him "Six minutes". This is because every cigarette takes six minutes off your life. I want to remind him that he is shortening the time he has with me and our baby.

Please try to quit. Talk to your doctor. It will be just one of many sacrifices you will make for your child. But this one will allow you more time with your baby and your husband. And time is the one thing that is guaranteed to no one. Why take any chances? Don't you want to be there when your baby graduates from high school and college? When they get married? When it's time for them to become a parent and you become a grandma?

Ginkeez · June 2009

Ex-smoker here myself. Please stop smoking. I know it's hard, but you must because it puts your baby at all kinds of risk. And if you are doing it during early development, watch out. It's huge not to smoke. Just don't do it.

You can lead your husband by example, but that's a whole new issue. You married him like that.

Now is the time to take care of you and baby. You can work on him later and hopefully having this baby will inspire him to live a healthier lifestyle.

nikih47 · June 2009

I quit smoking while DH was still smoking. He smoked for years afterwards too around me all the time.

DH smoking is no reason why you can't quit.

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