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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Moms of whiners/demanding LOs
What books, tidbits of advice, techniques have you found helpful?
Today I was almost at my wits end with DD and I feel like such a failure. She's never been a very 'easy' baby, but the last few days she's been miserable and making me miserable! I SAH with her and today I just broke down and cried during lunch because she has been fussing and whining and crying so much. EVERYTHING seems to make her upset. And I can't help but feel like I'm doing something...or everything wrong. I know she gets frustrated because I can't understand what she wants. She gets easily frustrated and really upset when she can't figure out a toy, when I can't/won't pick her up, when I leave the room, when I won't turn on the TV, when I tell her to stop doing something etc. I've tried sign language, I try talking to her and teaching her words but the only thing she really signs is all-done....and she's 'all-done' with everything as soon as we start (meals, shopping, being in the car seat, diaper changes, etc). I try distracting her, playing with her, letting her do her own thing, I try to get out and do something during the day but that's not always possible. I just feel like I don't have a 'plan of action' or any direction on how to deal with her and make her happy.
I can't leave the room without her breaking down and crying big tears and getting hysterical. Sometimes she'll play well independently but most of the time I'm by her side at all times, which I know isn't doing either of us any favors (by prolonging her cliginess and over-dependence of my presence).
I really do want to SAH with her but today I really felt like I needed a vacation from her....and of course that makes me feel like the worst mommy ever. I want us both to enjoy our time together and recently it seems like we're not. What do you do to keep your high-needs LO and yourself happy???
TIA for reading and getting this far.
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Re: Moms of whiners/demanding LOs
Ok. Take a deep breathe! The clingness may be a stage but given that... you need some immediate relief. How does she do in the bathtub? I suggest putting on some classical music so you both can try to relax and calm down. Stick her in the bath with some toys and sit on the toilet and drink a glass of wine. That's right ! Wine with lunch! Once tub time is done and you're feeling more relaxed pop her in the stroller and take a walk. Let her run around outside. Also, can you arrange to have a day off from her or part of the day? She needs to learn to play on her own ... all of which you know.
You're doing a great job but turn your thoughts around to the positive and start telling yourself she's an EASY baby. she may be feeding off of your stress and anxiety.
try more music and less tv.
I understand. Try reading the book "Raising your Spirited Child." It helps put a positive spin on things, as well as giving some practical advice for how to deal with it all (if it pertains to your child, which it sounds like it might.)
Good luck, and know that you are not alone and not a bad mommy for feeling this way sometimes. :-)
I can only give ideas for what I do when Alaina is in Cling And Whine Mode, which admittedly isn't as often as you describe but it gets us through so maybe it'll help you, too? (I hope!!)
~~Stand and sway with her to music (like I did when she was little......I put her in the Ergo sometimes still and do this and it melts her like butter lol) for a good while...maybe 20mins?...and then slowly transistion her back to happy playing~~Read her favorite stories~~Put on music and dance~~Go for car ride with the window down (weather permitting), radio on and just go get yourself an iced coffee or something just enough to snap her out of it~~Go to nearest beach and walk in the sand/look at the seagulls~~Bring her to where other people may be (she gets so bored with me I think!! lol)~~Baby Einstien videos~~Give her a midday bath if she likes them and just call that her bath for the day~~Give a favorite snack~~If she's had her hands in her mouth she could be teething so give a dose of Tylenol or teething tabs
And when you can't decide what she wants, I've actually put her down with a toy I *think* she wants, kissed her nose, and walked away for 30seconds to the bathroom. I close the door and listen and the whines stop after about 10. Once I hear she's moved on and I can hear the music of the toy I gave her start to play, I know she's moved on and I come out happy and let her do her own thing. My baby tends to dwell in her cranky attitude sometimes and my presense sometimes enables it I think. HTH.
DD has always been difficult but it seems like whenever I'm too that "breaking point" something is going on. She has been terrible this week, constant whining ALL DAY LONG and today she spiked a mild temp so I think shes teething or getting sick. I guess what I'm saying is throughout the last year whenever I thought this is just how she is and its miserable, it suddenly gets better for awhile and then I think, "wow, shes so happy."
I joined a playgroup and that has helped ALOT. She never fusses when we are at the activities . I guess she gets bored with just me at home. So I do try and take her out several times a week now.
Hope things get better soon. We have had a really tough week too.
My DD sounds A LOT like yours. And, mine can't really walk yet either so she gets frustrated by that too.
I always like to have an activity outside the house to do at least once a day. And, I take her to do that when it's her most cranky time (which for us is 4 p.m.).
I belong to MOMS Club and we have 2 Playgroups a week so that helps. I've found that DD will play independently if I let her kind of explore things. For example, we left the cabinet with the pots and pans in it free of a baby lock. So, she likes to crawl over to it and go through everything. She also LOVES going through the cabinet of her changing table. I put her hair ribbons and things in empty wipes containers and into that cabinet so she spends a good deal of time going through those. I also do pretty much the same 5 or 6 things with her that I know make her happy so we do those things all day long, just switching up the order. (Things like climbing the stairs and going back down, lying on the floor and letting her climb on me, playing with the dogs, climbing her playgym, pushing her push toys, etc.)
Some days are trying, but I try to relish the times when I get a smile out of her or when she gives me a big hug and kiss and it gets me through.
i can relate...
however, i work part time so dh stays home with him in the morning. ds has always been a bit "challenging". just remind yourself of how lucky you are to have a healthy child and think of all the fun times you will have in the future, even if right now isnt the greatest (that what i do).
as it is said "no stage lasts forever....good or bad"
i always feel as though i will look back at these trying times and wish i could have them back when he is all grown and idependent. we do have our very difficult times where i envision myself screaming at the top of my lungs, but we have a lot of great times as well.
lower you expectations (if that doesnt sound too weird). i used to have all these things i wanted to do with ds, but he just isnt that kind of baby. we can't have picnics, spend the day at the zoo, etc., but i have learned to accept it and find the things that ds does like to do.
also, we are members of the YMCA which provides 2 hrs of free child care/day for when you are working out/swimming/taking classes etc. i drop him off there 3-4 days/week and it gives me some time to do things i used to do which feels good and when i pick ds up he runs and hugs me. it makes me feel good.
does your dd like walks? we take a daily walk around the neighborhood. me, ds and the dog....it is relaxing and i am able to reflect of all of the reasons why i love ds so much.
on another note, one of my friends had a lot of difficultly dealing with a difficult baby so she went to counceling. they had her write in a journal at the end of everyday all of the things that went well. she was only aloud to write good things whether there were none, one or twenty. slowly, she found it easier and easier to write about the good parts of their day...
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
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I've found when DD is at the point of making my life horrible with her tantrums, I lay down next to her and throw one of my own. In about a minutes she looks at me like I'm insane and her tantrum is over. We also have her toys in separate rooms and after about a week of one set of toys we switch them out. Keeps the toys new. My DD is easy b/c she loves outdoors. I find an hour outdoors usually makes her a very easy baby.
Boy, can I relate. She's been super whiny/cranky lately. It's got to be teething or something. I pretty much do what the other posters said. I try to mix it up- do different activities to distract her. I know my DD can stand at the sliding glass door and bang on it or look out it for at least 30 minutes. For whatever reason, when she is whining and I say, "Where's doggie?" She'll stop cyring and look for the dog. It works every time. I think I've done it at least 30 times in the last two days.
This too shall pass. That's what I keep saying to myself.