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Northern California Babies
Would you be annoyed?: Wedding related
I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding in Aug. Logan will almost be 6 months. Its a destination wedding so we are all trecking out there. I rented a larger condo to also accomidate my parents so we can have a bit more flexibility with Logan.
I got the invitation yesterday. It basically said please join us for an adults only reception, 2 seats have been reserved for you in your name.
I was kinda shocked, the bride has not brought up the adults only thing once with me.
Yes my parents will be there to help, (although they have never watched him alone ) and yes my dh can leave the reception and handle the babe.
I guess I'm more annoyed that she didn't tell me before I got the invitiation.
Maybe this is more of a vent...
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Re: Would you be annoyed?: Wedding related
Yes that would bother me. Not so much that it is an adult only reception but that she didn't tell you in advance.
Also are your parent's not going to the wedding? Because if they are going too then who will watch L?
I would not be annoyed that it was an adults only reception, I assume that all weddings are adults only...but that's just me.
I would be annoyed that she never mentioned it to you, considering it's a destination wedding and you are in the wedding you think she would have let you know that it is adults only or made a consession for your kid....what if your parents couldn't make it, would she expect you to attend alone.
Where is this wedding taking place, are you at least getting to go somewhere nice?
the weird thing is she wanted to envite my parents to the wedding too. I assured her they were just going on the trip to help watch logan and did not need an invitation.
I just need to figure out how im suposed to pump and be in the wedding without him anywhere near me.
Since it's a destination wedding I would (like to) think she'd inform people in advance. Where you parents invited to the wedding as well or where they solely going to be your sitter?
While I would be a little miffed I don't think I'd be overly upset especially if my parents were going to watch dc to begin with.
Its in Tahoe we are making a short vacation out of it at least.
Yeah, this is weird to me. How could she not have mentioned it? I had an adults only wedding, but it was local and everyone knew far in advance (my bridesmaids all had kids except one).
I'd be more annoyed that I have to pay a pretty penny to attend a wedding I'm in, not to mention my parents have to go - and I doubt they're traveling for free. I'd find the whole situation annoying, to be honest.
That's weird that she wanted your parents there too. But maybe she thought that since you said they would watch L that you would be fine hanging out w/o him. As for pumping. Well, maybe you'll have to sneak away for a session or so. But you have time to see how you'll be at that point.
Its not the adults only reception, i had one too, I get it. Its exactly what you said. traveling isn't cheap and you would think she would have said something sooner.
with regards to pumping, it will be PITA. i was a bridesmaid in a wedding in tahoe when tyler was 2 months old and i left him at home with my husband and i clearly remember pumping in the bar at the rehearsal dinner, before walking down the aisle, taking breaks in between pictures to pump, i was pumping every 2 hours and it was NOT fun and i most likely wouldnt ever do it again.
sorry =(
While I would be miffed at first, she possibly thought of you maybe being away from the babe and enjoying a small getaway with you and the hubs?
Does she know your parents are coming and are they invited?
As a general guest, I assume that receptions are generally adults only. However, for a bridesmaid at a destination wedding, I would be shocking that the bride did not mention it in advance. Personally, I would not asked someone with a baby to be in the wedding if I was planning an adults only destination wedding. Did she think you were going to leave a 6 month old at home for the weekend? If she did, she obviously doesn't have much experience with women who are mothers to babies, so I'd maybe (since she's obviously a close friend) let her know that most moms, especially nursing moms, do not want to leave their young babies alone for very long.
(Editting to add more after reading your follow-up)
So bizarre that she wanted to invite your parents too when she knew they were the designated babysitters. Honestly, did she think you'd just leave the baby alone at the hotel? Chaulk this one up to daft bride syndrome, I think.
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Harmony Doula
I'd be annoyed, and bothered that she didn't tell you sooner, honestly.
I think I'd be less annoyed though if the Babe was older. What I mean is, a 6 month old... needs Mama. Isn't going to be causing pandamonium, etc. A 4 year old, maybe - because they'd be bored, but saying a 6 month old can't come? Come on. I think it's kinda rude.
Maybe because of this she assumed you would be leaving him behind. Either way, I would think she would have addressed it with you before invites went out. Where is the wedding at? Is it on the property where you are staying. Maybe your parents can bring L to you at some point to BF so you don't have to pump, you can sneak away and then go back?
If she knew your parents were coming to help watch Logan, I could see where she might not feel it necessary to mention it. But, I still think she should have specifically mentioned this to you since you are part of the wedding party. If you're just a guest, then maybe not.
Also - just flashing back to my days on the Knot - assuming she doesn't have kids, she probably didn't even give it a second thought and if she did, likely thought that being away from him for a while when he's 6-mos. old would be no big deal.
I would be annoyed too, but honestly, most brides are totally clueless about new moms and ESPECIALLY nursing moms. I know I was. At my bachelorette party, I didn't really understand why a nursing new mom friend couldn't come up from LA for the weekend. I just figured she could pump in advance, and had NO IDEA what a total PITA that would be. She didn't come and I wasn't mad, I just figured she didn't really want to come. Another nursing new mom friend that was local came to my bachelorette party, but didn't spend the night. I just figured she wanted to go home to her family (which I'm sure she did), but really, I was totally clueless and I'm sure she went through a ton of trouble to even come out for the party.
Anyway, mindless ramble, I'm just saying I assume this bride does not have any children and really has no idea about all the hoops you're having to jump through for her.
ok , i know im in the minority here but i dont think you should be annoyed. Wedding invites are bought in bulk right? Plus i would assume you are pretty good friends so , she knows you just had a baby, and already have arragements to have DC taken care of. i think you should have a discussion with her and ask what her ideal plans are. with it being a destination wedding that location is more Adult anyway. i guess if it would have been in a park on a sunday afternoon, i would be more annoyed. But since the location is adult anyway, its almost like her invites didnt need to add that line in? KWIM?
I totally agree!
I do plan on talking about it with her just make sure we are on the same page. I could have sworn she said I could bring L so the whole thing is confusing!!
i think it is too. im thinking maybe she doesnt want that 3rd cousins brothers friend's little one who is four, runs around screaming and no one can control. Not the sweet little guy in ur picture!
Ugh. I'm in the EXACT same boat. I'm in a wedding in August in SoCal, and the reception is adults only. Luckily, the bride told me very far in advance. It's slightly annoying but I'm trying to look on the positive side that I can be more "in the moment" and attentive to my dear friend without my son for a few hours.
We've debated leaving him at home with the grandparents, but I think we've finally decided to bring him AND both grandmas (our "granny nannies"). We're thinking of it as a family vacation.