Allowing 14 year old daughter in Delivery Room?

Nancy6306 · June 2009

My 39 year old sister just had her fourth child yesterday and allowed her oldest daughter who just recently turned 14 to be present through labor and the delivery. I had a conversation with my sister a few days ago regarding this. I told her that I personally felt it would be inappropriate to have her there as well as a boundary issue. My sister heard me out but did not change her mind. My DH, who is an ER nurse, also thought it was inappropriate. My parents and in laws also had issues with it. Just wondering what everyone else thinks.

robynlesley · June 2009

I think it depends on the mother/daughter relationship. If your sister and her oldest daughter are close enough, I don't think being in the delivery room would cause her any harm nor is it inappropriate.

Perhaps if she were younger and unaware of the basics of childbirth, I'd agree. But a 14-year-old could even (biologically) become a mother, so I'm less disturbed by that.

However, if I were the teenager, I'd probably want to NOT watch when the baby is crowning/being born and would focus on my mother's face.

Since this already happened, is your niece OK with the experience? Was she moved by the birth or creeped out? Just curious.

Kandie35 · June 2009

I have a daughter who will be 14 in July. I have left it up to her whether or not she wants to be in there. She watches a lot of TLC and Discovery Health all on her own, so she is quite aware of the process. She said she wants to be there but is nervous to see me in so much pain and how grouchy I will be bc of the pain. lol. I think if the decision is left up to the daughter and she is well informed, then it is not inappropriate.

Smudges*Mom · June 2009

I guess that's one way to ensure that your 14 year old daughter won't be having sex!

I've had friends (adults) who were present at births, and the experience was a big one, I can't imagine how a 14 year old processes such information. All that I can hope is that she stayed by her mother's head and did not see more than she was comfortable wtih.

FWIW, my own mother does not want to be in the room with me when I deliver and I respect that.

mommy_bear · June 2009

That would be a very personal decision. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it if the daughter wanted to be there. In fact, I think birth is a beautiful experience for someone mature enough to handle it. My only concern would be if something were to go wrong. In that case, I'm sure the doctors/nurses would remove the minor from the birthing room. I'm hoping that all went well and it was a positive experience for both.

Congratulations on becoming an Aunt again!

Laura Cochran · June 2009

Like others have said, it really depends on the 14 y/o and the relationship between mother and daughter. A 14 y/o is most likely mature enough to understand what was going on and not need a lot of attention and parenting the way a younger child would . I personally wouldn't really want to deal with a teenager at a time when I'll be cranky enough as it is.

I would certainly make sure the girl knew what to expect, watching videos, reading books on birth etc and let her decide if it is not something she wants to see.

maschmidt16 · June 2009

Who you allow or not allow in the delivery room is a personal decision. I don't think it's inappropriate if everyone involved is comfortable being there.

ljlkm · June 2009

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. But aside from my personal issues, there's something to be said for it. We've made childbirth such a medicalized process and hidden it so far away that most of us first time mothers know almost nothing about it! I can see where it would be beneficial for the 14 year old to have been through the experience when she goes to have her own children.

stever · June 2009

I don't have a 14 yo daughter, but I'd have to say no. I mean, I love my mom but I wouldn't want to see her give birth. I'm sure the same could be said of any future daughter I might have.

BrideBuddies · June 2009

I really think it depends on the maturity of the teen. My 13-year old niece is very immature.... acts more like a child than a young woman. So she should be a "no."

On the other hand, my 13-year old neighbor is very mature, babysits unsupervised and just in general seems much older than 13. She would possibly be an okay candidate.

But honestly, I don't think a child should be exposed to that when a parent is involved. Too much could go wrong at the last minute and it could be traumatizing, no matter the maturity level.

carladillon · June 2009

I don't feel there is anything wrong with it, as long as the 14 year old wanted to be there. Also - there is a difference between attending the birth, and being in a "front row seat" - but that being said, if they raised their daughter with the knowledge that birth is a natural process, then more power to them. I don't think it's anyone's place to pass judgement. I have a friend who is very "mother earth" - I call her my hippie friend. She nursed her son until he was about 3 or 4 years old. Is it something I would do - no way. But I don't pass judgement on her for it - it works for them.

Pesky · June 2009

Honestly, if I had a 14YO DD, she is certainly old enough to know what is going on and seeing an actual birth might be the most effective method of birth control possible. It would depend on my relationship with the girl, the girl's maturity and perhaps most importantly, the girl's desire to be present. If she didn't want to, I wouldn't force it. But I see nothing inappropriate about it. My next door neighbor opted to have her 8YO present for her daughter's birth -- now she wants to be an OB/GYN and deliver babies. At 8, I might wonder but at 14, chances are the girl is mature enough to understand what is going on.

Nancy6306 · June 2009

I don't think that my sister thought I was judging her when we had this conversation a few days ago. I just let her know that I would not be comfortable having any child of mine, regardless of age, in the delivery room with me. In our society, there are limits to when we could do certain things such as driving, drinking, smoking and voting. Those boundaries are there for a reason. There are also movie ratings that are meant to protect younger audiences from viewing things they are not mature enough to handle. I feel the same way about a child being present at the time of delivery. I would not, however, have a problem if a child of mine was present while I was in labor but not at the delivery.

Peppernut · June 2009

I think I would be uncomfortable with it, but mostly because I want as few people as possible in the labor room with me. When I was 14 I was already having sex, so I would think seeing a live birth would have done me some good.

NewMrs07 · June 2009

Although that was a little frightening for the 14-yr old I bet she's going to think twice about having sex from now on.

Married2MrWright · June 2009

I think it depends upon the maturity of her daughter. Personally, I'd have no issues with it. Childbirth is a natural and beautiful things. Women's bodies are so powerful...what a gift for a young lady to witness it firsthand with her own mother and newborn sibling?

Want a personalized experience?

Allowing 14 year old daughter in Delivery Room?

Re: Allowing 14 year old daughter in Delivery Room?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards