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Infertility
H's boss may be fighting us on fertility treatments - recourse?
My H's boss is kind of a (used feminine hygeine product) - you know the type, bitter, early 50s, divorced multiple times, latest ex-wife is in her mid 20s and the 2 had a toddler together. I have met this guy several times, and there is no love lost whatsoever.
What the boss has been told explicitly is that my H has to accompany me on certain medical appointments bc I have been having some struggles with my chronic medical condition. These appointments specifically are for IUI, though in part, I do have diabetes to thank for our fertility problems.
H's boss is trying to schedule him for last-minute meetings and travel on the days/times H has scheduled the appointments. Our consultation for IUI, he tried to block the door so H couldn't leave! (H finally told him, "I am going to a medical appointment, and will take you to court if you don't move out of my way.") I can't help but feel like on some level this guy suspects what we're doing and is trying to derail anything that takes my H's attention from his precioussss program.
And to be clear, this is a large employer, subject to Federal regs such as FMLA, and H has had a strong performance record there for the last 5 years. So it's not like the place will collapse if he's gone for an hour or so.
I just don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated. We were supposed to go for the SA and sign the IUI consent forms yesterday, but the jerk up and "surprised" my husband with a last minute meeting and told him he would be fired if he didn't go.
Our stupid fertility clinic doesn't do SA or sperm freeze on the weekends.
Do we have legal recourse for this? I feel like this mofo is trying to stop us from having children.
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Re: H's boss may be fighting us on fertility treatments - recourse?
I would contact a laywer and have DH register a complaint with his HR department.
In the mean time, did he submit a calendar with the blocks of times he is unavailable? Is there someway he can conference call into the meetings or leave his notes with the boss? I am not saying I agree with the bosses tatics but if your husband can out maneuver him until you can get some action it might make like easier.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I think it is horribly wrong. Does the boss know what the appointments are for?
He sucks.
My hubby had the same type of problems. Never enough to show discrimination but the boss scheduled him horribly. I mean he had to give a presentation to the president of the company while I was still in surgery for my endo...it almost killed him to leave when they wheeled me out.
You need to get ahold of the employee handbook...it should list exactly what hubby is to do regarding medical leave. Make sure you're compliant to the letter, then talk to HR. If that doesn't work, I agree with getting a lawyer. There may be state laws as well that will protect you. Good luck~!
I thought FMLA only applied to extended leaves (a week or more). I know my employer flat out says to make your appointments on your personal time, before or after work, or take a personal/sick day. However, because IF treatments have to correspond with certain cycle days, I've been given permission to come in to work a half hour late on mornings I have appointments. I've never had to use that flex time though because my RE has appointments starting at 630 am.
I know that's not waht you wanted to hear, and of course that guys is being a db, but seriously look into your actual rights before you look into legal action.
Tara & Dave - TTC since September 2006
PCOS - dx 1999 (amenorrhea) | freakishly long fallopian tubes
Hypoglycemic | thyroid issues | severely anemic
Multiple Clomid cycles of 50, 100, 150 - absolutely no response
Follistim 50/100 | Follistim 75/125 | Follistim 100/150 IUI - all BFNs
Converted IVF - BFP - m/c | FET - BFN | IVF #2 = BFN
IVF #3
Infertility isn't just a "chronic medical condition", it's a disability.
https://www.cga.ct.gov/2005/rpt/2005-R-0145.htm
I suggest he take this to HR and see what they say, then contact your state legal aid hotline.
HR should definitely be made aware of the situation. Unfortunately, if this is a large company, it might not do much good, but as long as a complaint is on file it might help if the problem persists.
I have to say, a big part of why I left my job back in September is because of a very similar situation. There was no good reason for my boss to deny me going to my appointments (my work didn't suffer and I always made up all the time I missed for the appointments and then some) but one day she decided I needed to bring in a note after each appointment because I was "abusing the system" by taking so many hours to go to appointments. Well, there was no f'ing way I was going to bring in a note after each appointment that said "Boston IVF" along the top of it (my employer did not know about our IF struggles and I was not about to share that with her because she made it clear she did not like kids.) She then started to deny my requests for time off, so I decided it was more important to me to have a child than to work in that Hell Hole, so I left.
IF can make many situations far more difficult than they already are!
GL to your DH!
Oh, sorry for any confusion - we're not telling his boss that the "chronic medical condition" is IF... The chronic medical condition I was referring to was that I'm a diabetic. We're telling his boss that the appointments are about that, and that MH needs to be with me. I just have the gut feeling that his boss somehow found out that the appointments are actually for IF.
Unfortunately, his quitting his job isn't an option... I'm likely going to have to cut my hours, go on bedrest (risk of losing my job) during a pregnancy, and we're leaning heavily towards my staying at home with our baby anyway.
Am I alone in feeling like EVERYONE IN THE WORLD is against us in our IF struggles?
We have tried all these, and the boss overrides them. Our appointment yesterday was submitted over a week in advance, and the boss just didn't care.
my husband's boss loves to do this as well. we scheduled a vaca and he tried to "Reschdule" it. DH told him he'd quit. so the boss said there was a mandatory meeting this morning so DH had to work a double because he's missing the regular meeting friday due to our vaca.
he had a boss in the past (same company) who switched his schedule the day of my already rescheduled hsg and my sis had to take me.
anything required by a doc can be sumitted to FMLA. my DH had strep and needed two days before his meds kicked in and his manager said "take it up with FMLA." he did and they approved it because he had a note from the doc. maybe you could have your RE write notes with the dates and leave the reason vague....just write that it's necessary for your DH to be there. his boss can't do anything that way if corporate approves it.
btw are you type 1??
Type 2 with some other complications. I was a healthy-eating, fit, size 4 in my mid-20s when I got diagnosed. Guess I should have starved myself down to a 2 or a 0, huh? :-P
Had I known that waiting till my mid-late 20s to get pg was going to turn out this way, I would have just dispensed with the college/career BS and gotten KTFU in HS like the rest of my hometown. Kidding... sort of.
Has your husband put in formal requests for time off or is he just telling his boss he needs to leave at X time on X day? ?If you DH has put in a formal request (not just verbal) ?that has been approved, then I would go to HR and discuss this with them. ?
Until it gets worked out, you might just have to choose your battles. ?Do you want your husband to be there for every single appointment and create?animosity between him and his boss or can your DH just "donate" on IUI days to create less friction in the work place? ?Plus, if your DH doesn't have a contract and you live in an "at will" state you might not want to rock the boat. ?Your DH could end up without a job, without a reason given. ?Just a thought...
These requests are being approved in writing.
It's not that I want DH there for every single appointment, the problem is that vital appointents (the sperm analysis, sperm freezing, times when he HAS to be there; and no, the clinic isn't available for either on weekends) are what his boss keeps overriding. You have to do an SA in our state before doing IUI, and we have to freeze sperm because, obviously, MH has next to no control over his schedule.
How far do you live or does your DH work from the lab? Is there any way you could bring the sample to the lab?