If you live far from your parents/ILs

funchicken · June 2009

How often do you see them? Do they come to you or do they expect you to go visit them?

My mom is giving me major guilt trips about not seeing DD enough. We live in Boston. They live in TN, so it's a long trip. We've gone to see them twice since DD was born. DH's family is a 10 hr drive, and we've only gone to see them once, so our next trip is to visit his parents. I'm just wondering what other people do whose families don't live within easy driving distance. TIA!

angelsmile · June 2009

When DD was born, we lived in RI (our families live in GA). We saw them like twice a year and I hated it. Luckily, we moved back to VA recently and I see them more often. At least once every couple months for a week or so...I'm still not working and I will go down when DH is out of town for work. He gets jealous but I want her to know her family. The IL also rent a beach house for a week around Labor Day so we know we'll all see each other then.

Temp700366562504480 · June 2009

We're in NJ, mom's in MO. We've now gone to MO 3 times since DS was born and 3 times is about accurate. Once in the spring, summer and either Thanksgiving or Christmas. Mom has come to NJ 3 times as well. Once when he was a newborn, again last summer, and just a few weeks ago for his birthday. She's a school teacher so summers are her best time to travel.

We see my mom and sisters often--it's my grandparents and aunt/uncles that we really haven't seen since they live in Chicago and San Antonio...we just haven't been able to make it there. Luckily my sister is getting married in Sept so we'll see everyone then.

welshgirl · June 2009

We go to see them once a year (this is less than pre-DS). We don't have the money to go very often. (My parents are an transatlantic flight away and this christmas, for example, is costing us $2000 just for flights.) DH's parents live closer (only 6 hours drive), but they're awkward because they work Th-Tu (over weekends). When you add in a baby who doesnt' like to sit still long enough for a car trip....

My mom and PIL have both been to visit a few times since DS was born, we've been to visit each of them once, and working on the second round of visits... a shared family holiday with all hte inlaws this summer, and Christmas with my family.

There is a LOT of guilt. PIL also decide they can come up whenever suits them, b/c we don't go down to see them 'often enough', which is frustrating. But we do what we can do...

tmp-354536812503300 · June 2009

My MIL lives here and she sees DS everyday but my parents live in TX (we live in MD). I see my Mom twice a year when she comes up here but my Dad only once a year when we go down there. I let my parents know I can afford maybe one trip a year but if they'd like to fund additional meetings I'd be happy to see them.

Dobie_Mama · June 2009

My Mom & step-dad live in SC, about seven hours from us. We see them 3-4 times per year. Before DD was born, we split the trips pretty evenly between us going to see them and them coming to see us. Now they pretty much come see us. DD isn't a great car traveler and the logistics of us flying down there are crap because we're all so remote from airports.

Agrippa · June 2009

We haven't gone to visit my parents yet since DS was born. We're going out for Christmas this year, and really aren't looking forward to it. I think my mom has been here 3 times since DS was born, and my dad has been here twice.

They haven't given us any guilt trips about it yet, but they're the ones that chose to move away, so I think they know that they can't get away with it. We picked our current location on purpose so that we would be close to both sets of grandparents when we had kids--and even told them that at one point. My parents decided to move to AZ though.

I have no sympathy for them. I guess I'm an evil daughter.

SenoraKristin · June 2009

My parents came out when DD was born and again in November.

DH's parents have come to visit us 4 times in DD's first year.

We flew back to our hometown for a wedding on Oct., Christmas and DD's 1st birthday.

funchicken · June 2009

Thanks for your responses!! I feel like my mom doesn't take into account the fact that we have to travel for BOTH sets of g-parents. And like you, Agrippa, my parents chose to retire to TN. They used to live in MD, so it was maybe a 7 hr drive.

My mom is the queen of guilt trips. I think I need to just let it go and find my happy place

Hibiscus2007 · June 2009

My IL's live next door...lucky I love them so much...lol. We live in Nantucket, MA and my parents live in GA, it is a very long and expensive trip for any of us so we only go to see them like once a year. They usually come to us 2 times a year. They keep saying they want to come more often but they really can't afford it either. This past April we actually spent a week vacation and met them in Florida, it was great so we may start vacationing together once a year which will help. My mom doesn't try to guilt trip us though so its not so bad.

raceyrae · June 2009

We've only gone to my parents 2 times and once to ILs since DD was born. They have both come here about 3 times each. (They live in WI and MN, we're in NC).

We mostly keep in touch via webcam (Skype) once a week and I keep up on our blog so they always have the latest photos etc.

stargirlkate · June 2009

i am dying to move home, partly bc of this! we re now in canada, my family is in NY (about 7hrs) and dhs family is in philly (no idea but farther still). we ve been down to see my fam a couple times since we moved in august and theyve been up once. MIL crashed our last trip there by deciding to drive up w/ BILs to see dh and ben, yeah thanks for taking over my only vacation this year but anyway. other than that she hadnt seen ben in over a year! FIL hasnt seen him in almost a year now too and isnt likely to visit either. sometimes i feel a little guilty that i make it a priority to see my fam and we never see dhs BUT when we lived in MD (less than 3 hour drive from ILs) they only each saw ben once plus since i m a SAHM its not like i m the one who has to get the time off work to travel. once we move back home i m sure we ll see some more of them but for now it really isnt possible. i feel bad that ben doesnt know his grandparents but i m glad not to have to deal w/ them and their nastiness!

so basically, ILs expect us to do all the traveling and my fam makes some effort to visit. we try to use skype, but MIL often other stuff come up and just bails on it. its so sad for dh.

olivia_eve · June 2009

My parents are down south, and we're up north. They fly up to visit DD every few months. My mom is retired, so she stays for about a week each time, but my dad can usually just come for the weekend. We haven't visited them yet, but we probably will make our first trip this fall. Do you ever use Skype? I do video calls with my mom almost every single day. DD knows my mom better than she knows my IL's and they live an hour away.

funchicken · June 2009

Olivia_eve, yes we have webcams, but my mom wants to "see her in person." That's great that you guys webcam so often. Maybe I can appease my mom by suggesting we do it more.

fIowerchild · June 2009

We visit them and they visit us. My family is in Canada so we have to fly.

Amrice78 · June 2009

on average once a year and they usually expect me to visit. However, they came out when ds was born, my mom came out for his christening, and they are coming out for his first birthday.

beckys96 · June 2009

We live about 20 mins from my parents. I see them at least once a weekend (DD & I do dinner on Wednesdays with them while DH works). DH's mom/dad live about 5 hours away. His mom has only seen DD twice and his dad once. His mom always uses the guilt trip that we don't come and visit much. Both of the times she has seen DD we traveled there, once when she was 6 weeks. Its a huge pain. There is no where for us to stay so we have to get a hotel (not complaining about the cost but she wouldn't see her that much anyways). His mom refuses to travel out here so I don't make much of an effort either. I figure with this baby she probably won't see him/her until about 6 months or so...sad. But I can't make her want to see them.

thomas&lynn · June 2009

ILs and my siblings live only 2hrs away and we go to see them at pretty much all holidays and bdays. Jan, Feb, and March, though, there aren't too many things going on and it's usually crap weather so we did sort of not see them for 3mos there.

My mom lives several states away and while we would love to take the trip out there one day we never find the actual time nor $$ to do it and she's been up here now 3x's (when she was born, on her way back from a funeral 3mos ago, and for her bday last week) so it kind of 'holds us off' if ykwim. My mom's sort of hard to take sometimes lol.

gatogrrl · June 2009

We live a long way from both our families. We don't have time/vacation to go to each location more than twice a year (that's four long trips!). We've seen my parebts 5 times since DD was born. We've traveled twice, they have three times. They would obviously love if we were closer, but they don't complain.

MIL lives in BFE Texas, and complains constantly because we won't move there. DH was miserable when he lived there, and there are no jobs in his field. End of story. But she just says, why can't you change careers? Oy. Anywho, we've seen her twice and she'll be traveling up to visit this summer.

iowagirl73 · June 2009

It is a mix - we've made trips to see them and they've made trips to see us. Personally, I don't make extra trips just to please them. If they are capable of traveling then they are capable of seeing their grandchild(ren) as much as they like.

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