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Parenting after a Loss
So Sad :( Yianni is not doing well.
We came back three days ago. ?Yianni was great on the plane and for the first day back. ?Then, I had to go to the doctor and all he!! broke loose. ?I had no one to watch Yianni, so I had my grandmother come with me to the doctor. ?Yianni had to wait for almost two hours in the waiting room with her and he had a meltdown. ?He was hysterical, and according to my grandmother, the patients were trying to comfort him; one even changed his diaper! ?No one came and got me. ?I was fighting with a nurse who was unprofessional and not willing to listen to what is not so right with me. ?She finally listened and I have to see a neurologist (Dr. G was right--it's not PPD or ADD) and go for a colonoscopy (Don't worry: I'm not a fraud and I'm NOT seeking donations!). ?
Here is the real problem: Yianni is looking for his dad everywhere. ?He keeps calling him and crying. ?He cries if I leave him alone for a second. I think he is scared I am going to disappear. ?Whenever he sees pictures of his dad he starts crying. ? I tried to show Yianni a video of the two of them, and he was happy at first, then started crying hysterically. ?We have talked on the phone and the same thing happens. ?He'll even push the phone away. ?We tried talking via msn and Yianni is so confused that he cries. ?When one of the officers (almost Y's godfather) started talking to Yianni from the msn, tears streamed down Y's face. ?He is not happy. He'll smile and laugh for a little bit when we are playing; then he withdraws or cries or pounds the ground and kicks. ?He is extremely sad when he tries to sleep. ?I put DH's pillow in his crib; at first he was happy and holding it; now he cries when he smells it. Tonight nearly broke my heart. ?
I'm afraid he is traumatized. ?He is such a happy baby ordinarily. ?I thought he would just go with the flow. ?He did so well on the trip. ?He doesn't remember our house, everything is new to him.
DH wants us to come back when I am done with my medical exams and stay for a month and fly back all together as a family. ?I really didn't want to fly again for some time, but I don't know what we should do for Y's sake. ? I thought I would have to interview for a new school, but unfortunately I was sent back to my former school. ?This means that other than the medical tests, there is no reason to stay here in lonely Florida.
What should I do? ?Any advice? ?How can I keep my little boy's heart from breaking? ?I am so sad for him. ?DH is also putting in a request for a different ship so that he can be here in Miami; but if this happens, it wouldn't be until next contract. ?We realize this is too difficult and hard on all of us. ?What should I do in the meantime??
Oh, and there is nothing like a health scare, distance, and a sad baby to prove to myself how much I love, need, and want my DH. ?WTF was I thinking when I questioned our marriage??
Help, mommies. ?Any tips for helping Yianni??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So Sad :( Yianni is not doing well.
I'm so sorry he's having a hard time. It's a huge adjustment. I'd bet that in a few more days or a week or two, he'll get back to normal. As you said, he doesn't remember your house, so now it's like he's in this new environment, without his daddy or the people he was used to seeing.
So your DH is going to be back in about a month or so? If it were me and I didn't want to do all that traveling, I'd just wait for him to come back... just give Yianni lots of love and attention and I'm sure he'll get better real soon... and daddy will be right back!
Much love to you, I know it can't be easy!
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time. I hope all your medical tests bring you good news.
Transitions are so hard for kids, even babies. It's only been 3 days. Hopefully with your constant reassurance Yianni will start to feel more secure. And even if he's finding reminders of his dad confusing, I'm sure that will help smooth the reunion when you're all finally together again.
Good luck with everything.
Hey there! I guess I missed a few posts, b/c I didn't know you weren't feeling well. I remember the thoughts of possible ppd, but didn't realize anything else was going on. {{hugs}}
anyway.....would you please let me know if you need help?! I'm just down the street from you and if I can help you with anything, I will. It's hard. I know it is.
hang in there!
Photo courtesy of www.yaporiginals.com
It's Beshert
Photo courtesy of www.yaporiginals.com
It's Beshert
this made me cry!
But I'm sure he'll adjust in a week or so.
I don't have any advice at all, I just wanted to tell you that your post broke my heart. Poor Yianni! And poor you. It's so hard to be on your own with a baby.
Maybe Nova has some good advice?
Oh, poor Yianni! My heart breaks for the little guy! I was just reading last night that 8 to 12 months is usually the peak of seperation anxiety, so it makes sense that he'd be feeling some insecurities. I honestly don't know what to tell you... Maybe try getting in a very predictable routine? I think consistency might be the key. Hope your health & everything else improves soon! {{BIG HUGS}}