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Am i being selfish?? (kinda long but its slow anyways)

mrs.serrato85mrs.serrato85
in 3rd Trimester

my side of the family threw me a shower a couple weeks ago. My mom bought us the crib we wanted. (MIL and SILs were invited also. and some went) 

This sunday is my shower on DH's side of the family and my mom was invited as well as my sister. I would really like my mom there but she is in a bad financial situation and cant afford another gift right now. She told me that she knows that i am ok with her not buying us anything else but would feel really uncomfortable showing up empty handed.

I offered to let her take something i had bought myself (thats hoe bad i want her there) but she didnt seem too fond of the idea of doing that

Should i just let her not come or try and talk her into my plan?? I really think she wants to go.. she has wanted to be part of EVERYTHING so far.

2nd question: would you expect the mom to be's mother to bring a big gift?? As in does my mom have a reason to feel uncomfortable showing up empty handed or with maybe a few outfits i bought myself??

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Re: Am i being selfish?? (kinda long but its slow anyways)

  • CalifragilisticCalifragilistic member
    My parents and ILs gave us our gifts privately since they were big (crib and stroller/car seat) so they didn't bring anything to the shower. I dont think anyone thought it was weird or even thought about it. As a guest, I would never expect her to give her gift at the shower since shes your mom. I hope once more people respond like this you can show her the general concensous and get her to go!
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  • kimsykimsy
    I think you should just tell her how much it would mean to you to have her there. I don't think anyone keeps track of who didn't give a gift--at my shower, a couple of relatives who are out of work couldn't give me anything, and I am pretty sure no one noticed.
    Baby E: July 3, 2009 Baby M: February 22, 2012
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  • mistresscoxmistresscox member

    Hm, I wouldn't expect the grandmother-to-be to show up with a gift to a shower.  I would just figure that the gifts went straight to the house.  But I see nothing wrong with your idea of her taking something you have already bought-I think that's a very reasonable plan (especially if you can do something no one knows you've bought).  Plus, she bought you a crib-it's not like she's being cheap-she's just already done her gift giving. 

    I would personally try and talk her into your plan if she is feeling that self-conscious about it (although IMO she has no reason to feel weird showing up "empty handed").  Or get a card from her with a picture of the crib and write a note in it saying something about how hard it is to transport a crib to and from a shower.  I would think that would work as well! 

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  • mfransdellmfransdell member
    She bought you a crib! What more does she need to bring? If anyone brought it up (and it would be incredibly rude if they did) just tell them she has already given her gift. Call your mom and tell her not to worry about it.
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  • kp28kp28
    It would never occur to me that she would bring another gift to another party. This seems strange to me. She already attended your side's shower and gave you an awesome, expensive-I'm assuming-gift; and now people at DH's side might think she would look bad if she didn't show up with another one?
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  • Josh & CalendiJosh & Calendi
    I don't think you're being selfish. I say convince away!
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  • Deirdre18Deirdre18
    She definetly does not need to bring a gift. I do not think people will be watching to see what she has brought. 
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  • volleydivavolleydiva
    My mom only bought two books for the shower as I did the bring the book thing, but she bought us a big item and gave it to us before that.  I think it's very common for the grandma to be to give the gift at a different time in private. 
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  • weddedwifeweddedwife member
    Try to convince her to come!! She should be there. A crib is a BIG gift. Maybe you can make mention of it at the shower to ease her discomfort at showing up empty handed?
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • JasonsMauiMamaJasonsMauiMama

    Oh, your poor mom! She already gave a huge gift...there is no reason for her to feel uncomfortable attending your second shower empty-handed! This is exactly the kind of guilt-trip my own mother would put on herself...none of the other guests will give one thought to what she brings or doesn't bring!

    I would never give it a second thought if a friend's mom didn't give her a present during a shower, especially if A) her mom had already thrown her a shower and B) I knew that her mom had bought her a big ticket item.

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  • PeskyPesky member
    I don't think it's at all unusual to see the gma to be without a gift.  Like the others pointed out, I usually assume that a gift was given aside from the shower.  I would probably stress to her that you would really like her there, it would mean a lot to you and no one expects her to have a gift.


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • soontobejessengsoontobejesseng

    She could write in the card something like "Hope the crib helps you & baby get a few nights of good sleep!" and you can read it aloud so all know what she bought for the baby.

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