My MIL, my shower and "the crib"

irys09 · June 2009

I had dinner with my MIL this weekend. Every time I tell her what we've purchased for the nursery, she seems to get annoyed/frustrated/sad and always says "don't go buying too much before your shower!"

I will be 37 weeks at my shower. 37!!!!

This weekend I mentioned we were hoping to get the crib soon, and I got the same response from her. I really don't anticipate anyone buying us any big-ticket items. Nobody has said anything even remotely suggesting they might. I would rather not be ignorant and scrambling at the last minute trying to find a crib in stock.

We really haven't bought much. (bedding set, dresser, changing table & a glider) Mostly just the necessities in case he's born early. DH thinks it's silly to get a crib this early and thinks I'm being overly prepared. (seriously, is there such a thing?)

He thinks his mom will get annoyed if we go and buy a crib because he seems to think she's planning something. I really don't mind if she buys it for us - in fact it would be totally fantastic if she did - but I'm not going to expect it, and I'm NOT going to ask! I certainly don't want my child to not have a place to SLEEP. Maybe I'll just prepare a drawer in my dresser for him...

Why can't she just tell us if she is/isn't? It really wouldn't ruin the surprise. I just am not comfortable waiting until I'm 36 weeks to worry about getting a freaking crib when the one we want to get is in and out of stock a lot. Maybe if I was having an earlier shower I wouldn't worry about it as much, but.. UGH.

Am I being unreasonable?

Also - How am I not supposed to buy much before my shower when I will be so far along! argh. We can't really have the shower much earlier than that because the host has other obligations, but. UGH. I know by 37 weeks I'm not going to want to be waddling around babies r us buying stuff that we need and didn't get.

I guess, I'm just frustrated. sigh.

EastCoastBride · June 2009

Next time she says that, tell her "As I'll be 37 weeks along, we're not comfortable w/ waiting to get the crib.". Period. If she wants to buy it for you, then she'll need to tell you that!

My parents bought our nursery furniture, but they told us ahead of time and we jsut went and dealt w/ that seperately. your MIL is too focused on it having to be given AT the shower.

And honestly- I wouldn't bank too heavily on her buying it. She may just think you should wait.

AshNicole331 · June 2009

From my experience of going to baby showers, it seems that most people buy you whatever the heck they want (like clothes and blankets) instead of getting things you actually need off the registry. So, we're not banking on getting many big ticket items at our shower so we have bought A LOT ourselves. My grandma and MIL were kind of bittching about it but I don't care...I just don't want to rely on others to be getting this crap for us and then have to scramble to get it all last minute.

So I feel your pain I

melly918 · June 2009

I think you posted this before....

Can't you casually mention to you MIL that you have to get the crib soon because it might have to be special-ordered and could take weeks to months? Maybe she'll get the hint and offer to buy it now. I don't understand why she wants to wait that late. I already have my furniture and I'm at 26 weeks - and the ILs bought it for us.

By the way, I noticed you're in the Rochester area - I'm in Buffalo. I'm jealous you have a Buy Buy Baby!

erosa · June 2009

My in-laws told us from the very beginning that they were buying us the crib. If they wouldn';t have, I definitely would've bought it. Turns out, when we did go order it, at around 26 weeks, we were told it would take 12 weeks... we ended up receiving it at 34 weeks... So next time she says anything tell her that if someone wanted to buy you the crib, they would've done it all ready, considering it can take 8-12 weeks to deliver.

Jules G · June 2009

Your MIL would seriously hate me then, because we've had the nursery furniture since I was maybe 20 weeks! You're doing way better than I would, there's no way I would be able to wait until 37 weeks to have any essentials! I'm very much a type A personality though so things go a little differently for me & my crazy plan everything self. I would just tell her that the crib is something that DH & yourself wanted to purchase for the baby. This is your child & you should be allowed to buy whatever you want for your LO.

GypsyEsq · June 2009

Didn't read all the responses but I would not wait until 37 weeks to buy a crib. We were lucky, ours was in stock. But while we were debating between styles the other one was a 14 week order. I'd be worried about getting one now. Unless you have some plan for the baby sleeping in your room - i.e., pack n play, bassinet, cradle, co-sleeping/bed sharing.

ljlkm · June 2009

Ignore your MIL. Best policy on most things, really. As for your DH, make a list of the stuff you think is crucial to have ASAP. Then print a copy of the registry and show him how much there is left for people to buy. Hopefully, that will show him that you're a) not going crazy with your own shopping, and b) there are *plenty* of other things left for other people.

bwilkerson0220 · June 2009

I would be scared to wait too. I have had our crib since 16 weeks or so. Maybe your DH can ask her if she is planning on getting it or knows if someone is planning on getting it since it is his mom. Then he could explain why it would be crazy to wait until that close to your due date to get one!

wanticecream · June 2009

EastCoastBride:

Next time she says that, tell her "As I'll be 37 weeks along, we're not comfortable w/ waiting to get the crib.". Period. If she wants to buy it for you, then she'll need to tell you that! yep

My parents bought our nursery furniture, but they told us ahead of time and we jsut went and dealt w/ that seperately. us too

your MIL is too focused on it having to be given AT the shower. Besides, is she going to carry it threre??

Happily ever after!! · June 2009

Oh man, I'm totally with you on this! I'm going through the same kind of thing with my MIL for our travel system. She for some reason thinks she has to keep everything a secret from me, but it's like, with this, we need to know. We would love it if she got it for us, but just like you said, she can not wait till the last minute! I'm not that kind of person and With having GD, who knows if I'm going to be induced early. I would kind of need the car seat that comes with the travel system.

So you are not alone and not at all wrong in your thinking. It's our job as mothers to be prepared and be ready. After all, babies and children are all unpredictable so who knows when they'll want to come out! We need to be prepared early! So my plan is to make my husband say something to his mom, that if she's wanting/planning on buying it for us, she needs to not wait till the last minute. We need it ASAP so we can but it together and be all ready for when she comes. Maybe you can have your husband do the same.

SAMANTHAGP · June 2009

My mother bought our crib for us, but she did it about 8 weeks ago and it's already here. (not set up, but we have it!)

I am not comfortable with waiting for the mailman to bring my baby's bed, at the same time I am comfortable with having it sit in the garage just in case something comes up sooner than planned.

It's an extremely generous gift and maybe if you're not planning putting the baby in the crib, it may be worth the wait. I guess it also depends on what kind of crib you are planning on getting.

Something like Munire takes time, where as something like a Graco could be in stock (at the store). Your baby = your rules.

Delila80 · June 2009

I would not want to wait until 37 weeks to get the crib. At that point, you really can go at any time...into labor that is. My in-laws bought us our crib....it took two weeks for it to come in. What happens if you have to order it, and you go into labor??? I would casually mention this to your MIL. I hate how people have to make stuff about them, when it's you it should be about. She doesn't need to make a big presentation at your shower....if she is even getting you the crib. You'll love it just as much if she gives it to you early.

ilenegrace · June 2009

I agree with you and everyone else. We have a bassinet the baby will sleep in a min of 3 months and still I wanted to get the crib and nursery set up before that. Its just nice to not have to stress about it.
Good luck.

Amanda Nordhoff · June 2009

As a stalker of this board I agree that waiting until 37 weeks is cutting it close. My SIL had her baby 3 weeks early and would have been screwed if we had not had the shower a month and a half before the due date. ?I suggest that someone ask her or tell her straight to her face (in a nice way of course) that you want to be prepared just in case.

If she has problems with your choice she can purchase one for you and have it set up before the shower... as long as you acknowledge it at the shower I don't see why she would feel the need to wait until then if she was going to get you one. But thats just MO.

JennifernKevin4ever · June 2009

I don't blame you. If my shower wasn't until I was 37 weeks I would want to have the big ticket items before then. You just never know when the baby will want to show up. Plus it would be a pain to have to put all that stuff together at that point in your pregnancy. I am sure your DH could have someone help him, but then you have to make sure someone isn't busy to do it. I would just buy the stuff now. If she acts like that maybe make a comment. Say if I knew if someone was planning on getting it for me I wouldn't be worrying about it, but no one said anything so I need to get the stuff early to be ready. Maybe that would make her say something. Or have DH talk to her seeing he knows her well.

Aimee0289 · June 2009

DS showed up at 37 weeks 2 days. We had NOTHING set up yet, but thank God we at least had it all. DH had to run home from the hospital to get the pack and play set up.

My SIL went into labor 2 days before her shower.

I'd definitely err on the side of being prepared. If your MIL doesn't get this, it's her problem.

hopefulmom · June 2009

You don't have to have a crib when the baby is born. You can get a bassinett and mattress for under $50...just go with that until after you shower. She obviously has some surprise for you and when you keep saying you are going to buy this or that...she is getting stressed. I would just hold off buy large things. You can always get them after the baby is born. Newborns really don't need that much stuff. My DD didn't even have her shower until her DS was 3 weeks old.

Gen Devine · June 2009

If its really stressing you out (I'll be 35-36 weeks for my shower & know a bit of how you feel on prepardness) I'd recomend a low cost bassinet - we have one that was given to us.

Newborns really don't need a lot, and remember you aren't alone in buying things. Should something happen and you have the baby early, remember that you have your DH, MIL, family and friends who can be sent to the store to purchase registry necessities you don't already have. Anything else can wait.

Disneygeek77 · June 2009

I would go ahead and tell her you are ordering the crib you want. Yes she might get you one too but that doesn't mean it will be the best one. For all you know the crib she wants to give you is the one your DH slept in or a 15 year old one from a garage sale.

Just saying I would hate to wait that long for a possible crib only to find out that the one MIL gets me is old or has been recalled for safety reasons.

mkirby624 · June 2009

I would tell her next time she acts frustrated that if she knows something you don't about someone buying these things for you, you would appreciate it if she would share. I'm 27 weeks and we already have our crib, changer/dresser, rocker, and travel system. We basically told both our parents we were about to buy it, so that gave them the opportunity to speak up if they had plans to buy it.

We're saving some of the smaller purchases for the shower (diaper genie, changing pad, onesies, bottles, etc), but the big stuff I would just go ahead and get. I mean, hey, if you get it at the shower, take it back and spend the money on something else! Most of the time you get clothes and diapers at showers anyway. If someone is going to buy you a big ticket item, they would have done it by now if they have any sense.

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