Question for those with a previous loss...

afilesi · June 2009

How did you/are you handling the EDD of the baby you lost?

I ask because DH thinks I am crazy to even remember/care about it. It is coming up (June 26th) and I still have some sadness about that. I know that I am pregnant again...and having a good, healthy pregnancy thus far. I am thankful for these things, however sometimes I still think that I *would* have been ____ weeks along in that pregnancy, or at this point just about to have an outside baby.

Sorry to be Debbie downer.

BlairWaldorf · June 2009

It's in 6 days & I get a lump in my throat when I start thinking about it. I don't know. I just don't know what it's going to be like. I don't have any expectations of what my emotions will be like on the 10th.

As thrilled as I am with Harrison, I will always wonder what Harpie would have been like. & although I miss Harpie, I know that without the loss, I wouldn't have Harrison.

and 'round the circle we must go...

heather_09_15_07 · June 2009

Honestly, I recognized when my first EDD passed but the day wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. And when my second passed I had 2 other friends who were due around that time so I was just happy for them.

I do think about what might have been, but then I remember that if that hadn't all happened, I wouldn't have THIS baby. You know?

KellyOct15 · June 2009

Mine was a pretty early loss, but I still think about it sometimes. Every time I hear this one's hb though it changes my thoughts. I may feel more anxious when October 25 rolls around, but we'll see.

Brittjanik · June 2009

I think as time goes on it gets easier. I dont think you will ever forget and I dont see anything wrong with remembering those dates. Its something that you went through and its now a part of your life forever and always. It will get easier as far as thinking how weeks you would have been, or my baby will should be x yrs old. Try and focus on new baby and be excited about your new dates with this little one. ((hugs))

Pennylane824 · June 2009

Man, I have NO idea what you guys are going through, but what I do know is what it's like to have a day approach that you are dreading and have anxiety about.

My only advice to you is I always found it helpful to turn that day into something positive. That could be a million different things, but it always helped me. Seems simple, but sometimes simple is what works.

afilesi · June 2009

I agree with you girls about how if that wouldn't have happened we would not be carrying the babies that we are so THRILLED to be carrying now. And I feel that way too...I just think it is hard for me to recognize the loss of one, without somehow making myself feel guilty for being sad over something that has led me to where I am now.

I also just think that DH should realize that our loss is still a loss no matter what comes after, yes?

kristin7701 · June 2009

I don't think about it that much but maybe it's because I already have a son and if I had never gotten PG again, I had made my peace with it. So far, one EDD has passed and I didn't even think about it. I have another one at the end of this month and I seem to be thinking about it more. I'm not planning to do anything other than try to happy and relaxed about this baby. Unfortunately, this PG has been stressful for me for a number of reasons.

Izzypop · June 2009

My EDD was May 8th. I think I mentioned something to my hubby and I was definitely sad. All in all it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm sure it would have been much worse had I not been pregnant.

debra_lynn · June 2009

I know it is hard. My younger sister and I got pregnant at the same time and I lost mine. She was KU on accident and we'd been trying for ours for months.

I don't know what I'll do next month. I'm trying to be happy for her (and for ours in November!) but I'm really bitter.

epopp85 · June 2009

I have one coming up soon and another is Sept. I also had one this past Feb. That one was the hardest because I was undergoing RPL testing and was afraid that I'd never be able to have a baby at all. Now that I'm KU, I don't think that these will be as difficult, but I often think about what might have been. In fact, I'm still listed on the Sept Sirens page (even though I asked a while back to come off) and it still makes my throat catch when I see it.

What bothers me the most is knowing that I could have easily prevented those losses with the medications that I'm on now but since I didn't know about my MTHFR, I feel like I just let them go or something. I wonder whether they would have been boys or girls. The list goes on.

I just try to remember what I've got going for me now and that maybe it wouldn't have been good timing for the others to come. I just continue to hope that everything continues smoothly with this LO and be happy that I'll have a baby I can hold this time. ::knock on wood::

afilesi · June 2009

I'm glad I posted this...because now I see that there are quite a few of us, and we are all happily pregnant again!

Lizzerd13 · June 2009

It's kind of ironic that this question got brought up. I seemed to move past the loss without too much trouble. I m/ced very early, 35 days and even though it was hard at the time, I am sure it happened for a reason. It turns out that one of my roommates from college had her baby on my original due date, May 13.

soontobeahigh · June 2009

I agree with everything everyone said. I have gone through the date 3 times now and it was easier this time around than the last. It will always be a day I remember but it won't sting as much hopefully.

dsoltys · June 2009

I lost our first son over 10 years ago. I am much better now, but still bitter. 3 Sisters-in law, one cousin and I were all due about the same time- me being first. I have twin nephews that were born on my baby's due date- that hurts.

wingsfan524 · June 2009

My EDD was actually my 30th birthday (back in April) and my second loss in Dec. was so early, we never got an EDD. I really wasn't as upset as I thought I would be (about the EDD or about turning the BIG 3-0). If we weren't pregnant it would have been much more difficult, I'm sure. I was just grateful for making it out of the first trimester and having a healthy baby this time around. I think the birthday festivites for me help keep me occupied and keep my mind off of it too.

GINBLOSSEM · June 2009

We have lost 3...one was a still birth at 25 weeks. We planted a tree or bush, etc. to remember those we lost. Whenever I see the plants, I am reminded of our missed little ones. It is neat to see them grow and bloom and remember the life that the plants represent. Hope this suggestion helps. Blessings!

BlissInTexas · June 2009

We had 2 ectopics last year - the 1st was supposed to be due over the holidays - the 2nd was lost in Oct and I requested not to know the due date till we knew if it was ectopic, I'm glad since it was. DH knew the holidays would be terribly hard on me, so he took me to Europe to keep my mind off of things. We went to London for Christmas, then Germany and spent NYE in Paris - I was too busy to stress. Even if you can't take a big vacation - keep yourself busy with something fun - it will really help make the time fly.

ladyjester · June 2009

I agree with what everyone has said. My due date was May 19th. I kept thinking about it in the week leading up to it, but when the day came, somehow I forgot. I went all day until about 9:30 that night and it suddenly hit me. I cried for a few minutes, but my little girl was kicking away the whole time and that made it better. As pp said, it wasn't as hard as I expected. It probably would have been worse if I weren't pg now. You'll make it. We are stronger than we know. Good luck!

jlbegin · June 2009

Mine would have been in a week, I was actually on a website today that had my old info in, it made me a little sad, but happy at the same time god blessed me with another one that will be here soon

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