How sacred is new baby gear?

jays_bride · June 2009

Here's my dilemma...

We are going back East for a 10 day visit with our families. My Mom has the necessaries for our stay (crib & highchair) but we are splitting time with DH's family. SIL (DH's brother's wife) is due in August and therefore also has all the necessities...is it ok for me to ask if DD can use the crib and highchair while we are there? Is there some 'I want my baby to use it first' thing? I know when our friends came to visit we offered up DD's stuff, including the crib as she was still in the bassinette.

In the past this hasn't been an issue, DD just slept with us and sat in her infant seat to eat. Now she is too wiggly to be safe on a regular bed for naps and there is no way the 3 of us will fit in their full size guest bed now. And of course she is in a big girl car seat.

Thanks!

GeoffreytheGiraffe · June 2009

I don't know about "sacred" but I think it would be offputting to ask a mother-to-be if you can use the things she has lovingly chosen for her new babe before the baby arrives.

I would feel very strange about asking. If she offers, that's a different kettle of fish, but I think you can bring a pack n play and manage w/o a high chair.

JSORIANO · June 2009

I personally wouldn't ask. I would feel like she would want her baby to be the first one to use those things. Just let her offer, if she doesn't offer then I think she would think it would be sacred.

Happy2beMrsT · June 2009

I think it is weird to ask. I wouldn't want my baby to sleep in the crib before their own child. If I were you I would figure something else out. Surely you can manage without a highchair for a few days. Can you get a pack n play for DC to sleep in?

stephm0188 · June 2009

Our "friends" invited themselves to stay here and they were upset that we did not offer to let them use Adam's crib. The assumed we would and didn't bring a pack and play.

The coslept that night.

franciscaz · June 2009

I would be fine w/it but I am really easygoing. Others might not be. Unless you are close w/her I wouldn't ask.

jays_bride · June 2009

This why it's a dilemma...we never had a PNP. My Mom has one but it's used for all of my nephews ~ DH's family lives 200 miles from my fam so if we borrowed my Mom's there would be no way to get it back to her Sad .

Maybe DH will just have to sleep on the floor and let us have the bed!

tiffanysbride · June 2009

I see no issue with it, DS stayed in a friend's crib for their unborn baby. Granted she told me not to bring the PNP b/c she had the crib set up. Personally I don't get the I want my baby in it first mentality.

joecubed · June 2009

you can get a travel highchair - more like a booster seat, I guess - from walmart for $17. we have found it to be very useful. you can probably also get a used PNP off of craigslist or from a baby consignment shop pretty cheaply. GL!

GeoffreytheGiraffe · June 2009

They have a $44 pnp at walmart. We got one when we went to VA and weren't set up for co-sleeping.

jays_bride · June 2009

Guess I need to clarify...we are flying from CO to PA. Yes, we could buy the stuff when we get there, but then we would have to ship it back or ask to leave it there...

Maybe she got a PNP and would feel more ok with using that than the crib...the highchair I'm not so concerned with.

Myheart1297 · June 2009

I don't know, I don't think I would ask a soon-to-be mom to use any of her not yet used things. Maybe your DD can co-sleep with you the nights that you stay there and maybe get an inexpensive booster seat for your trip.

kirbabe · June 2009

Can you just send around a mass e-mail to his family asking if anyone has a PNP or knows anyone they could borrow one from? This might put the idea in their head to offer the crib, if not, maybe someone in the family can arrange a PNP for you.

618mom22boys · June 2009

I got a brand new only used once PNP from a yard sale for $10!!

I personally wouldnt offer for anyones LO to sleep or use anything that was new that my baby hadnt even used yet.

rlthomas7 · June 2009

I'd ask if they know of a rental company or consignment shop where you could rent or buy a PNP and high chair. Or I'd just buy a Fisher Price high chair and give it to them as a baby gift, since that's something most people don't register for. That gives them a chance to offer up the crib at least. I don't know that they'd even have a high chair set up yet since it's a few months away from being used.

GeoffreytheGiraffe · June 2009

I have flown with a PNP before and it was outside my usual luggage allowance. You can sweet talk the desk agent for this. I think it's super easy to travel with a PNP and it will really help you out!!

I took a PNP to India once so DD could have a bed covered by a mosquito net! I had no trouble checking it through!

JenandJustin10806 · June 2009

Perhaps you could buy a PNP and high chair when you get there. We got DS a booster seat high chair for less than $20 and they also have a cheap PNP which will get you through what you need it for. and then leave it at your ILs

fIowerchild · June 2009

I wouldn't ask, but I would offer it to someone who was close enough to stay with us. I think you're going to have to play it by ear and not get your nose out of joint if they don't offer. FWIW, MH is 6'4 and all three of us slept in a double bed for 2 nights at a hotel. It was fun - kind of like camping.

Mc_Newlywed · June 2009

When my sister came to visit before my DD was born I didn't care so much about the high chair but I didn't want my niece to sleep in the crib. ?I would've allowed it, of course, but I didn't like it and hoped that my sister wouldn't ask. ?She didn't ask - guess we're similar thinkers - and instead brought her pnp. ?

Mama Jan · June 2009

I have not read responses and am probably in the minority, but I wanted to voice this: I feel like it's silly and selfish and a tad childish to say "This belongs to my baby and he/she should use it first." I was more than happy to allow other moms use our pack n play, swing, etc. before DS was born. I wasn't using it, I trusted them to bring it back in good condition (and they did) - who am I to say "No, no. This belongs to my unborn child, it's not ok to borrow this."

That said, I'm not sure any of them actually asked me if they could borrow it. I wouldn't have been put off if they had asked but I'm pretty sure I offered because I knew the need was there.

byrne15 · June 2009

depends on how the mom to be "is".

we had all of our baby stuff up before ds was born because some of our friends had kids already. i wanted them to use it and i never even thought that i wanted my baby to "be the 1st to use it". but that is just me...i don't really care about things that dont matter.

however, one of my friends refused to use my stuff before ds was born because she said she would have been upset if someone did that to her, even though i told her how much i really did not care...

blushado · June 2009

Chiming in a bit late here, but I just wanted to say that if I were you, I wouldn't ask. Though some people might think it's silly or selfish to want to save the items you picked out so carefully for your own child, the reality is that some people do feel that way and it might be awkward for all parties involved if your SIL is one of them. Call me sentimental, but after all the preparation I put into creating a nursery and all the daydreaming I did about using it, I would have been disappointed to have someone else's child use it first.

Maybe you could send your SIL an email and say, "Hey, we are coming to visit and are trying to figure out how to simplify our travel. I know you are probably saving your own baby equipment for your own little one, but was wondering if you knew of any rental agencies or had any friends in the area that might be able to lend us a pnp or booster seat for the week. We'd of course clean it off and sanitize it and give it back in the same condition it was received..." I think that would let your SIL know that you're not really expecting to use her stuff but if she reads that and doesn't care, she might offer it to you, in which case I wouldn't think it would be such a big deal. If she doesn't offer, I'd let it go.

vanillacourage · June 2009

Mama Jan:
I feel like it's silly and selfish and a tad childish to say "This belongs to my baby and he/she should use it first."

I disagree. Especially if it's their first child, I totally understand them wanting their baby to be the first to use those items.

To the OP - if they offer, take them up on it. But do not assume and do not ask. It's overstepping.

citygirl_ · June 2009

I wouldn't want someone else using my brand new stuff, especially for baby #1!

I agree with kirbabe - send out an email and see if you can borrow a PNP. I've lent ours out and even had a friend of a friend ask to use our infant seat once (which wasn't possible because I had a newborn and one carseat - lol!)

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