I feel like i'm cheating myself & the baby

mrs.viv07 · June 2009

i know its crazy but as sson as i let myself get excited about being pg my evil voice tells me to stop tht i my not get good news wednesday that maybe the baby is already gone (although i.m not spotting whatsoeverr thank God) am i crazy i want to celebrate and be happy but im so terrified to let my guard down and i sure as heck don't want the baby to feel that am i crazy? please ladies how did you deal with this?

MelissaAB5579 · June 2009

Oh sweetie, it's SO hard to not worry! I think the only thing you can do is repeat the mantras & pray, pray, pray!! You will be in my prayers, I'm sure your LO is just fine.

ilvmyfireman · June 2009

You are not alone. I was so scared in the beginning and I didn't want to get excited either. My DH was also apprehensive in the early weeks but then he was able to overcome those feelings and with him being comfortable it really helped me to try and put my fears aside and just be happy. I have to say that after the first u/s I was able to relax more and with each week and each u/s it got better. Just remember the mantra that today you are pregnant..and I hope you are able to have some peace and begin to let the excitement out after you see that beautiful little heartbeat next Wednesday

labbie1821 · June 2009

Mrs. Viv dear~

I don't think the worry every truly leaves your mind, but one thing I have done this time around is to tell myself that it's not in my control so I might as well enjoy it. There is so much in life to get upset/down about (don't get me wrong, I still think negatively sometimes) but I try to remain positive. My DH told me that worrying is not going to make things better and it actually might make it worse because I will make myself sick. I have resolved to telling myself I deserve to be happy because this is gonig to be a healthy baby that will be in my arms in 9 or so months!

Much Love~

Bleeding_Heart · June 2009

I'm 25 weeks and have felt guarded nearly this whole time.?

We bought nursery furniture this week, and then today I had my freakout/blood in the toilet episode. ?And I thought, "this is what I get for letting my guard down and buying furniture."

A horrible thought to have, but I think that we're just so jaded that its hard not to think that way.

?

nancyandnate · June 2009

Don't beat yourself up for how you feel--both emotions are completely normal when you are dealing with RPL. ?There will be milestones that will make you feel more confident, but you may never be able to stop that voice completely. ?I think I'll have it until he's out and ok. ?

I'm not ever going to be that normal, excited pregnant lady. ?Maybe other people can get through it better? ?But I've made choices that make me more comfortable. ?We waited until 20 weeks to tell my OOT brothers, I never made an announcement at work (which is odd since I'm a boss and all), we might have a shower after he's here but have declined all folks offering to throw one, we still haven't told OOT friends.....I would actually prefer to hibernate until he's here and then tell everyone, "oh, by the way..."

Things that helped me get through the beginning were the doppler and meditation CDs. ?Also more frequent doc visits. ?Just take each day and decision as it comes and do what feels best to you. ?I'm rooting for you!?

Jerseygirl16 · June 2009

It is almost impossible not to worry ... especially being through what all of us on this board have.

The best advice I can give (and should take myself) is to take it one day at a time. Be happy each day that you are pregnant and enjoy it.

masonmom12 · June 2009

Thanks for posting this, and thanks to all those who responded. I think most of us feel this way. I'm still really early, and at times I get excited and look ahead on the calendar at different events and work things that may get affected, and then I get mad at myself and think 'just wait and see, who knows if i'll even be pg then.' I hate to think like that too, but I don't want to get overly excited. DH is very cautious, and we're in the same boat wanting to wait until we deliver a healthy baby before spreading the word!!

MrsPatterson · June 2009

Oh Viv, I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel, the earliest weeks are absolute nightmares. To be honest, I wouldn't allow myself to be excited about the pg until 2nd tri. I know that's not healthy or helpful, but I think it's pretty typical for girls who have had losses. Something that did help me a little was positive visualization - just envisioning my body as a really comfortable place for my baby to grow and trying to tell myself not to be stressed because it makes it less comfy for that little kiddo. It wasn't a total fix, but it helped me feel like i had some control, which was my big problem. I am praying SO HARD for you and your LO!

mustangcutie · June 2009

I have felt the same way at times too! i think it is probably normal for us girls that have experienced a loss or losses. I just keep telling my self that it is out of my hands and to enjoy each and every day. I think this week I finally feel like it is really going to happen. Hang in there!