Separation anxiety - worse b/c we're sah?

MNheidi · June 2009

My boys are w/ me all the time. We do get babysitters but not very regularly and we don't have family around to "sit" on a regular basis. We took them to church nursery on Sunday and I think they cried on and off the whole time.

I'm sure this is normal w/ kids that don't do daycare but is there anything you do to help your kids w/ separation anxiety?

Heather&Scott · June 2009

Mine both went through that stage at about a year, but I don't think it's because I was a SAHM -- I think it's just an age-related thing that they eventually grow out of. I'd just try to be consistent, make sure you don't look distressed when you leave them (they pick up on your non-verbal cues -- so keep your expression happy and light) and when you pick them up, don't rush over to them like you're "saving" them or show them that you're worried -- just maintain the same happy, light expressions when you're comforting them so that they know everything is okay.

I'm sure it'll get better for them soon. Hang in there!

ETA: I want to add that I never had a babysitter until my youngest was almost 2. But now, I leave them with a sitter once a week and my oldest started preschool last fall. Both my kids couldn't care less that I'm gone -- as long as there are toys, it's "bye, mommy! see you later!"

Ilumine · June 2009

Monks is getting like that.

As long as she can see or hear me (for DH) she is fine with anyone holding her. But if she cannot see/hear me, she will cry until she passes out or we come home.

SO, I am enrolling her into a Mommy's Day out program. DH and I went over our budget and found the extra $36 a week so we can put her in the program 2 days a week to break this before it becomes too much of an issue.

gobigblue · June 2009

DD has a bout of it around 6 mos. is much better now. i believe it comes and goes throughout infancy. what are your boys like when you leave the room? if they cry then, you can practice by leaving the room for a few minutes and gradually increase the time away. if they are only anxious when you're really not there, try to get them around other ppl as much as possible. again, it's probably a phase and they'll outgrow it. good luck!

Chrisy-Wyobride · June 2009

First it's normal for all kids of a certain age to not like being left w/ strangers no matter if they go to daycare or not. Secondly just because they have a SAH parent does not make seperation anxiety any worse--My DD started preschool last Fall (& MDO the year before that) & has never once cried at being left--I saw plenty of kids who have spent their first few years at daycare bawling the first several days. It has no effect IMO...kids just have different personalities regardless of who they spent the days with in infancy/toddlerhood. Last, just keep putting them in the new situation & they will get used to it &/or grow out of the phase (which will come & go the first 3 yrs). And don't make you leaving them into a huge deal--put them down, give them a kiss & leave...the long drawn out good-byes make it worse.

JDCSKF · June 2009

DD has never has seperation anxiety and until she was 2 we never had a sitter. The only place I took her was the gym daycare. I don't think SAHM has anything to do with it, I think it's just the way children are. Some feel it more then others.

I do think it helps that the children know you are confident in leaving them in someone elses care. I have always made it a quick "bye bye see you in a little while." and then leave.

ali-1411 · June 2009

I think so. Jakob was always a daycare kid and he could care less who we left him with. Even as a baby, he was happy with pretty much anybody.

But so far Layna is not happy when I'm not around. I'm hoping its just her age and she'll grow out of it soon.

citygirl_ · June 2009

It's just the age... my friends with kids in daycare had it just as bad as Jude was! It goes away... don't fret. I didn't really do much and he just stopped freaking out one day!

EnglishMajor03 · June 2009

DD was fine around other people, but had a terrible time sleeping anywhere else but in her crib. Ugh it was terrible. I'd see my cousin's children (who go to daycare) sleeping on their shoulders around a bunch of loud people like nothing was going on. My LO couldn't ever settle down. In fact, she is 22 months old and has only fallen asleep at a party once and it was on my dad- not even me!!

getnmarried910 · June 2009

Mine both went through it. It took about 3 months total, but I didn't notice it being any different than my friends kids who work out of the home. My kids start in the nursery at 3 months old, though, are are in there Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Monday mornings for my moms group and sometimes on Wednesday nights. They still went through that phase, even after being in the nursery for several months.We don't get sitters often either. I think it's also based on the kids. Some kids just prefer to be with mom.

We did tell our nursery staff to page us (they give us pagers) if they cried for more than 15 minutes. I think that's long enough. We'd go in, settle them down and try again.

teach2183 · June 2009

It just depends on the child. DD went through some major stranger anxiety when she was younger. She didn't want to be held by anyone other than me or DH. But we just kept having her around people and she outgrew it. We have not yet used a babysitter, except for MIL watched DD in our basement while DH and I cleaned up stairs. She was fine for 1.5hrs.

We've just learned to accomodate DD's personality. She needs time to warm up to people. No one gets to hold her when they first arrive (no one holds her much period anymore), and no one approaches her immediately unless we're holding her. After 15-20 min, she's more amenable and will play with people. I play soccer 2x/week, so I'm gone for ~3hrs for that and she does great with DH. We plan to use a sitter (MIL/FIL) in August for an afternoon.

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