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Success after IF
Feel guilty around couples TTC.
I know the pain the IF brings and we have gone to parties at my Brother and SILs house three weekends the last month and it is so hard. I know my SILs Sister is TTC and they have been for a while and I know their pain. Everytime I see SILs Sister look at me with DS I can feel the pain from her, she is not open about her TTTC.
It makes me feel guilty being around them. Anyone else feel this way?
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Re: Feel guilty around couples TTC.
One of my BFFs has been TTC for several years. She is an intensly private person, and was really not interested in starting to see doctors. But years have gone by without contraception and with trying, and I know that it is hard for her.
We saw her and her DH over the weekend (they live out of town) and of course had to tell them that we were expecting. We let them know before hand so it wouldn't be a surprise, and at first... it was weird. I made an effort not to talk about pg, and honestly, it didn't come up AT ALL on the first day we were there.
The second day she told me that they are in the early phases of testing and treatment. We talked a bit about it, and she knows that I will happily listen to whatever she wants to share, but I sincerely doubt she will. We all kind of relaxed into conversation about this shared experience, but it was for a while quite awkward.
It's odd to feel guily, but I do. All you can do is try to be supportive in whatever way you can, while also respecting that an infertile friend may want nothing more than distance. Respecting that is a challenge, but from my friends who were supportive of me, it meant more than anything.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
yes.
My brother and his wife are TTTC and m/c late last year. I will see them the end of this month for a family wedding, and worry a bit about being so obviously pg around them (I am really huge). Even though we were trying longer, etc, it still creates a potentially awkward and painful situation.
They know I am coming and know I am pg, so hopefully they will be ok.
i have a friend who has endo and been deailng with tTTC - but she doesn't like to talk about it - which makes it really hard for me- b/c i'd love to support her more- but she clams up - even though she knows i understand... she's just not open about that type of stuff. I do feel guilty around her - esp at my sprinkle shower.
another friend who lost her twins at 23w just a week before i got pg with my twins - i feel horribly guilty around. She's pg now again and i'm thrilled for her- and i think she appreciates my support and prayers - it's all you can do.
Yes. I have a friend currently going through IVF#1 (and probably only) and while she knows what we went through, we got lucky with IUI and I feel intense guilt that she has to go further down the IF road.
We're also friends with an older couple who tried for almost 20 years to get pregnant (don't know their whole story, if theydid treatment, etc) and while they both say they're happy not to have kids and dote on their dogs and family I can only imagine how hard it is to hear pregnancy announcements. We're supposed to do dinner with them soon and I feel intense guilt and sadness for them.
Yes. One of my closest friends had an early m/c right before Ava was born. She is such a phenomenal friend and has always been there for me, even though I know it hurt her to see me and Ava. She adores Ava and tries to get together with us at least once a week for coffee or lunch. It really showed me what an amazing person she is -- that she would spend so much time adoring Ava when I knew that it must be so hard for her inside. She recently tried clomid and got pg -- had her first ultrasound yesterday, and all is well. I am so happy for her, and thankful that when we get together we can openly talk about pregnancy and babies.
I think that this is one of the reasons that I am so open about our IF to everyone. I feel like I will never know whether the people I encounter every day have gone through IF. I hope that when I share our struggle (or even just to say that Ava is an IVF baby), some of them will see her as a miracle, and that it will give them hope.