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3rd Trimester
Smellygirl
member
Whose Mom/MIL does NOT want to be in the delivery room?
Smellygirl
member
So I have to say, I am consistently surprised about the number of Moms/MILs who want to be in the delivery room!
Granted, my mom is deceased, but I can tell you she never would have dreamed of it! And my MIL, despite being a nurse, and this being her first grandchild whose birth she could attend (my SIL adopted) has never even brought it up.
Is it really that normal for Moms and MILs to be in the room?
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Re: Whose Mom/MIL does NOT want to be in the delivery room?
my mom doesn't b/c she's a dr on staff at the hospital I'm delivering at and ONLY wants to be a grandmother when I deliver and not a medical person
my MIL - b/c she thinks it's inappropriate
But - DH and I only want it to be the two of us...so it works out well
My mom does not want to, however we have discussed the issue as my MIL does. My mom said if it was really important to me she would be there. I want ONLY DH and she is happy with that. MIL on the other hand is very upset....
I work L&D and you woudl be surprised how many people have mom & MIL there. What I find WORSE is when the women has her father in the room....thats strange
My mom told me one day that she had no desire to be in the room. I replied with "Good because we weren't going to ask you to be".For me and my DH that is something only we should be there for. If you weren't there to make her you don't get to be there when she comes out!
My mom does not want to be in there (nor do I want her there) just because she doesn't like to see me in pain at all, especially knowing that she's pro-drugs and I am hoping to go pain-med free for the birth.
She will only be in the room with me if I have the baby while DH is gone next week, which we're ALL praying does NOT happen! Otherwise, she'll get phone updates and come see the baby and stay with us to help me for 2 weeks starting when DS is 1 week old (DH will be home with me the first week).
My mom flat out refused. She said she can't see me suffer and not be able to do anything.
My MIL would pee on herself if I said she could be in the room. It's not going to happen though.
My mom has shown no desire whatsoever to be in the room, but I'm not sure if that's a personal preference, or just because I was honest from day one that it was not going to be a public event. Either way, she's never seemed remotely upset by my choice. Hell, I've requested they not even come to the hospital until after he's born, because the waiting area is the size of a shoebox and haven't heard a word of dissent on that either.?
MIL would probably love being in the room (she was in the room for SIL in Jan) but there's no way in hell I'd allow it. And she knows it, so she's never mentioned it either. She did seem rather surprised when I told her my mom didn't want to be in there, so I guess it's a pretty common thing. ?
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
:: raises hand! ::
My mom has no interest in being in the room! She's 100% baby crazy over this birth, but doesn't feel the need to witness it. She thinks it's odd that other mothers are pushy about it. In her words: "I'm confident that you and DH can handle it on your own."
My mom was in the delivery room last time, I didn't really care either way...but she left while I was pushing because she couldn't take seeing me in pain anymore.
This time, you couldn't pay her to be anywhere near there. Luckily, she has to watch DD for us anyway. She is irritating me lately, though, by sending me articles on the benefits of epidurals, etc.
My mom did say that if I needed her there she would be, but would honestly rather not. MIL, I think, just knows better than to ask but wants to be.
My mom was with me when DS was born, I was young and I wanted her there. I know MIL has hinted to DH that it's "her turn." UGH.
My mom and MIL both said they were fine, and preferred not to be in there. My MIL said it best, "It is time for you and DH to meet your child. The rest of us can wait."
I was so thankful that neither of them wanted to be in there. My mom said if something were to happen and DH couldn't be there she would be glad to be there with me, but that is the only situation she would feel it is appropriate.
My neighbor volunteered to help me if by some random act my DH and my mom are MIA. I love her for that, we're really good friends so she is next in the chain of commands.
My mom is very conservative, and told me to call her when everything was all over with and we were ready for visitors. She said she wants no part of being in the delivery room.
MIL and SIL on the otherhand have said that they want to be in the room, and I am not really comfortable with that. They were like, we can hold your legs...ummm, no thanks.
I only want DH in there...
My MIL has never brought it up therefore she doesn't get the option. Which she wouldn't get the option anyways because I would just tell her no.
On the other hand my mom will and so will my grandmother and that's how I wanted it from the time I was a little girl. I guess just tradition in my family.
my mom and MIL would NEVER!!!!!
i would not want them to be either. yuk.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
My mom left it up to me, and I told her no thanks. And a BIG NO THANKS to my MIL.
For the most part I just want DH to be there when I push. I think its ok for people to be in the room before and definatly after "bonding time" but not during. Even if DH passes out (High chance of that happening!).
Its only an observation but most birthing women (mom's and MIL's) before the choice of free pain med births and families in the room were even options had no choice to do it alone with no one around for support and highly drugged up, didn't know they had their child until they came out of the haze and were told that this is their child. I think they want to see what they missed even if it means being agressive and not obeying their adult children's wish.
I think if my mom was alive she would want to be in the dilvery room and I think my MIL would like to be there but my hospital has a two person max at the time of birth so I can blame it on the Hospital when they kick every one out.
I had a c-section with my first and will again with my 2nd. MIL never brought it up, however, I would have wanted DH and my mom to be in the room with me. My mom was a labor and delivery nurse for years as well as nicu nurse and is now a pediatric nurse practitioner. Very supportive and knows hospital staff etc...
With DS, MIL ended up being in the room during labor. After 3 hours of PITA small talk, she left after I got my epidural. I don't know if she thought she was there to "support" me or not....
This time, no way.
It was no question that my mother wouldn't be in the delivery room with me. DH freaks out under pressure and I need someone there who knows what to do. My mom is also a nurse and knows some of the people on staff at the hospital so that's a big plus.
As for my MIL....she's agreed to wait to enjoy the baby after he's born. Which is alright by me. I would feel awkward with her in the room with me.
lol my mom and mil were not asked if they wanted to be in the delivery room and they didn't bring it up. I think they respect that it's a special time for me and MH.
I have to say though that I think that MH and I are lucky that we have great MILs
This.
My mom is super queasy for all things medical and also says she could not watch me be in pain, but she will be in the waiting room. I'm glad she feels that way because my DH thinks if my mom gets to, so does him. Wrong!
My mom never even thought of it. Though she has a neurological disorder that would make it too hard for her?she can't stand for long periods of time and has a tremor similar to Parkinson's.
As for my MIL, she never said anything. I know she was there for her daughter and if I had asked her, she'd have been thrilled. But I wasn't comfortable with that idea.
However, I did ask my SIL (DH's older sister) to be there?especially since she's my backup ride to the hospital if I go into labor when my DH is at work in NYC?but I may kick her out just before I deliver... who knows. It just felt that I needed someone else to be there. To give my DH a break to help ME if he gets too worried (about my pain). She's a great person and while part of me wants it private the other more realistic part of me knows I may want more support.
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