MDs, or other moms that work overnight, WWYD?

FortMyersBride · May 2009

I am scheduled to start in the SICU on Monday, q3 call, starting monday night. DS has of recent developed fairly significant separation anxiety from me, esp at night. During the day he's clingy and wants to be w/ me if I'm in the room, but others are able to comfort him. But after 7pm (bedtime) he only wants me and will not go to bed for anyone else. DH and various family members are scheduled to watch him overnight for the month, and we've tried leaving him w/ said family members for a few hours in the evening, which inevitable results in a hysterical baby who cried the whole time I was gone.

DH is also now unable to calm him at night. I try to wait as long as I can b/f going in the room, but DH can't stand to see him so upset. He's offered to come sleep in the hospital in his own call room w/ DS every night that I'm on-call, but that doesn't seem like it would help much as I wouldn't really be available to go help him get DS to sleep or help out when he wakes. DH is a surgeon so him being awake all night q3 isn't really fair to his pts. We'll have the family help for most of the month but since DS won't calm for them either DH says it really isn't a help since he'll scream all night and DH will be trying to help them comfort him.

DH wants me to contact the SICU and my program (anesthesia) and tell them that I can't be on q3 this month due to the current separation anxiety issue. The problem is that it's short notice and that whoever would be stuck as my replacement would get this sucky schedule on such short notice. I frankly was just hoping the anxiety would get better (instead it just keeps getting worse) or that maybe DS would get used to my absence after a bit. DH is willing to try it for one night but if he screams all night it's a deal-breaker.

WWYD? Would you go ahead and give the depts a heads up that this is an issue? Would you wait and see how the first night goes hoping that somehow DS will calm himself? I really don't want to ever come across as wanting/needing special considerations b/c of my kid, or worse, as using my child as an excuse to not work as hard. Help!

njarvis · May 2009

I think you should be as upfront with everyone as soon as possible so that it will not be a total surprise to everyone if you end up requesting a schedule change....that being said, I cannot imagine that your program would give you time off to stay home with a baby that is not sick, etc. Mine certainly would not have done that, and I considered them to be quite supportive of female residents with children. And like you say, it's really not fair to your colleagues to put them in that position. This situation or ones similar to it are going to come up for the rest of your career, so I think you'd be better off to just work it out now. It's the same thing as a baby getting used to daycare...it will take a few days, maybe even weeks, but it will happen. He may scream all night for a couple days, but then he will adapt. Take it from a physician with twins whose DH had to do it alone on some of my call nights...both your DH and your baby will get into a routine and it will all be fine!

AlisaS · May 2009

njarvis:
I think you should be as upfront with everyone as soon as possible so that it will not be a total surprise to everyone if you end up requesting a schedule change....that being said, I cannot imagine that your program would give you time off to stay home with a baby that is not sick, etc. Mine certainly would not have done that, and I considered them to be quite supportive of female residents with children. And like you say, it's really not fair to your colleagues to put them in that position. This situation or ones similar to it are going to come up for the rest of your career, so I think you'd be better off to just work it out now. It's the same thing as a baby getting used to daycare...it will take a few days, maybe even weeks, but it will happen. He may scream all night for a couple days, but then he will adapt. Take it from a physician with twins whose DH had to do it alone on some of my call nights...both your DH and your baby will get into a routine and it will all be fine!

I agree - I can't imagine you remaining in good standing if you asked for a switch. Your DH is gonna have to deal with it and the one night/deal breaker thing isn't gonna cut it, unfortunately.

AlisaS · May 2009

Ta add now that I saw that your DH is also on-call: can you get a night nurse for a month to help him out? I know it is pricey but if you can swing it, it might be worth it.

Mrs.McLovin · May 2009

You can't ask to switch your schedule because of seperation anxiety. Would you ask your DH to do this if the roles were reversed? Probably not.

Get some night help. The baby will be ok.

shannm · May 2009

DH is a fellow and he would never request a schedule change for DS. (Unless there was some life/death situation.) They would just laugh at him. My guess is that it may be rough for the first night but it will get better and he will go to sleep. Good Luck.

kgb1411 · May 2009

my DH was in ER, and got pulled off an elective month at the last minute into the SICU last year because someone had to have surgery. It did kind of suck, but it wasn't a huge deal. DH took his elective later, when he had been scheduled in the SICU. Anyway, it does happen, and it doesn't really screw anyone over that badly.

I do agree with the other posters though that your DS will likely fall into a rhythm with other family members when you aren't home, and everyone will get through this month without you having to compromise anything at work.

FortMyersBride · May 2009

Thanks for the replies. I know it is possible to have someone fill my spot and it does happen occasionally in my program, but I really really don't want to put them in that position (and be "that" person who people have to cover for. Worst case scenario, Dh shows up tomorrow night with DH and sleeps in my or his call room, and I come nurse DS when I can. I remember residents doing this when I was a med student and intern and thought, what a pain, but now maybe I understand why. I can't sleep when I'm on ICU call anyway (even if I have the time, I just can't sleep at the hospital) and I'll have an NP or PA on with me most nights which will make pumping/nursing feasible.

rnbride18 · June 2009

I am a nurse and do work night shift a couple times a week. your baby will probably get used to the schedule..it just might take a few days so tell DH to be patient

Halo79RN · June 2009

I work nights as a RN in an SICU. From working with our current surgical residents and with some of the anesthesiologists from when I worked PACU, I'd say changing your schedule this late would not fly. One anesthesia group had a whole "boys' club" thing and didn't want to hire women stating complaints such as this... which used to really pi$$ us PACU nurses off. Your baby will adjust. it will suck for a bit. but he'll adjust. I've been through this twice. It gets better. hang in there. or tell dh to hang in there. Wink

it's rough with both of you on call. dh is a professor, so he has really long hours mon-fri. I tried to schedule around his schedule when each dc went through this. is your dh able to avoid call around your call nights or have late starts the morning after your overnight shifts? if able, do get the night help so dh doesn't go bonkers.

JulieRNbride · June 2009

I am also an RN in a PICU, and my DH was terrified of my first night shift rotation; turns out the kids like his routine better than mine!

Give it some time and also have DH find someone he trusts, either a babysitter, friend/family, that could pitch in too...that might help. And DON'T have him call you at work and give updates; if I hear my children screaming, I want to rush home, and my patients need 100% of my attention at work.

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MDs, or other moms that work overnight, WWYD?

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