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clashing of grandmas

tk5851tk5851
in Baby Showers

so my grandmother and mother are planning a traditional surprise baby shower and my MIL has been a P.I.T.A about it. she comes up with excuses when she is supposed to meet with my family and participate in the planning, she is reluctant on putting together an address list for her side of the family and she is just unreliable. My family is becoming very irritated with her because she refuses to come out with out her husband and she "forgets" to do things that she signed up to do. she calls me up crying on the phone and tells me that my family is not including her in things and then she tells me about who is buying things (which i'm not supposed to know) and she told me how she does not like that my family wount have the shower in june instead of july (im not supposed to know when my shower is) i dont know how i can find common ground without hurting anyones feelings. a suprise baby shower shouldnt be this stressful!

thanks for the time to vent everyone! 

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Re: clashing of grandmas

  • RoxyLynnRoxyLynn member

    I'm sorry to hear that your MIL isn't taking a more mature and productive approach to this.

    Is your MIL in a different part of the country?  I've only heard abut these northeastern Surprise Showers here, and honestly don't understand them and wuldn't know how on earth to plan something like that without the guest of honor's input.  Is it possible that she's completely unfamiliar with your regional tradition?

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  • JuneBug2007JuneBug2007
    imagetk5851:

    so my grandmother and mother are planning a traditional surprise baby shower and my MIL has been a P.I.T.A about it. she comes up with excuses when she is supposed to meet with my family and participate in the planning, she is reluctant on putting together an address list for her side of the family and she is just unreliable. My family is becoming very irritated with her because she refuses to come out with out her husband and she "forgets" to do things that she signed up to do. she calls me up crying on the phone and tells me that my family is not including her in things and then she tells me about who is buying things (which i'm not supposed to know) and she told me how she does not like that my family wount have the shower in june instead of july (im not supposed to know when my shower is) i dont know how i can find common ground without hurting anyones feelings. a suprise baby shower shouldnt be this stressful!

    thanks for the time to vent everyone! 

    Oh my!  Do we have the same MIL??  Haha!  My mom and she were supposed to do all the planning, but everytime my mom asks her to do something, she always says she is busy and doesn't know if she'll have time do it - like my mom doesn't have stuff of her own to deal w/.  So my mom got stuck w/ sending out all the invitations (including her side of the family), getting all the food for the shower, getting decorations, shower favors, etc.  I'm helping my mom out w/ planning now cause I know it's kind of stressful for her to be doing it all herself-and I'm kinda glad, I'm a planner so I would have rather done it myself.  Anyway, my mom is in charge of some of the food that will be served at the shower, and MIL is supposed to be in charge of the other half, but now she doesn't even plan on cooking at all - so we are having some stuff catered.  MIL said she would help pay for half of the expenses, but we'll have to wait and see.  Shower is this coming weekend, so we'll see how everything goes.
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    Well, first, I think it's silly to have a "surprise" shower when you KNOW you're having a shower.  So=- you don't know the exact date.  But is it really going to be a surprise?  No.  I think that part of the problem should just be taken out of the equation. 

    Anyhow- beyond that, when she calls you, just say "I can't talk to you about the shower" and if necessary, hang up. EVERY TIME.  Don't engage her int he topic.

    Your mom and grandmom need to just flat out ask her "Do you want to help hostess?  We've asked you to do stuff, you haven't done it, then you get upset that we aren't including you. We're confused on what you want.".

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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