Stay at Home Moms
susanmosley
member
Options
Anyone feel kind of guilty as a SAHM?
susanmosley
member
I SAH and I LOVE it. ?I do a lot - housework, chores, errands, meals, and most importantly take care of DD - but I feel bad sometimes that my husband has to get up and go to work for 9 hours everyday. ?Even with all of the work and how tiring it can be around here, I could not choose a better way to spend my time. ?Anyone love being at home and feel bad that they get to do this all day? Any rational that will let me get rid of the guilt?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone feel kind of guilty as a SAHM?
Like EnglishMajor said, my DH knows he misses out on "fun," but we have had many talks where I've offered to find a job and he can SAH, and deep down he knows that isn't what he wants to do. (Me, either, but I always offer.) I also know that while my non-child duties might be technically easier than his (cleaning, shopping, keeping things in order versus high tech computer work and tense meetings with bosses), our life would NOT run smoothly without me.
The bottom line is that our DD is thriving due to my fulltime attention and his fulltime financial support, so I really don't feel guilty. But I understand your point of view. I just feel lucky, I can't believe I get to do this all day!
You DH is lucky that you have the time to do all of those errands, meals, housework, chores that you mentioned. If you were working out of the home full time, he would have to split them with you.
Just because you enjoy being at home doesn't mean you should feel guilty.
When we were first making the?decision?for me to stay home I had a lot of guilt surrounding the idea.
For me, I had the hardest time knowing that for the first time since I was a teenager I wouldn't be?contributing?financially. But?luckily?we were able to work through it and now I'm okay. Here's what helped me the most:
My husband, his constant support and gratitude. He still makes note of how hard I work and is quick to say thank you (and I do the same for him).?
Money, we figured out that after child care and commute costs I'd only be making a few dollars an hour (public school teachers are so underpaid!). It just didn't make sense.
Factoring in how much I'm "worth" as a SAHM. By that I mean... if you were to hire someone to do all of the things you do (cooking, cleaning, childcare, laundry and so on) and then figuring exactly how much it would cost. It would have been well over triple my income as a teacher.?
Knowing that while DH would love to be here with us, he also really likes his job. ?He reminds me frequently that it isn't that bad to get up and go there every morning, because he enjoys it a lot of the time.?
I hope that helps! ?
I feel bad for anyone who would want to SAH but isn't able to. But my DH is not one of those people. He sees himself as the lucky one because he can't figure out why I like being the unemployed slacker that I am
I think of this time as getting a break, like DH does with his lunch hour and his commute (alone time in the car listening to satellite radio, that sounds heavenly).
Ditto. When DD was a baby, I seemed to have a lot of down time. Even when I was BFing I could read a book or watch tv. But now--no way. She only naps for about an hour a day, so the rest of my day I am MOVING. And everything I have to get done around the house takes 3x as long with her around.
Nah, I don't feel guilty. Plus, DH works from home, so he's around plenty. Sometimes I think HE'S the one who has it easy when he gets to run off to his home "office" (uh, crashed out on our bed) when DD is throwing a giant tantrum or just smeared peanut butter all over herself and the kitchen table.
The best way to alleviate guilt is to have more babies very close in age
(I would trade places with my husband in 2 seconds some days)?
Oh gosh, there are so many things that I LOVE about SAH fulltime and I feel so blessed to have had the last 3 years here at home... it's hard not to feel guilty from time-to-time.
I think everyone has to deal with "mommy guilt" in their own ways, over time... you'll get there, I'm certain!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
i'm so thankful to be a SAHM and DH also is glad i can (just a less stressful life for all!). DH likes working though (40 hours - no more, no less usually) and would never want to be a stay at home dad.
the only thing i feel guilty about is my degree i worked so hard for that i'm not using right now and hoping that if i do want to return to work later (Architecture) that they'll still want me! plus i still have thousands of dollars in student loans.
but it's worth it! they're only little once, right?!!
Ha ha agreed -- have more than one kid! More than double the work.