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Babies on the Brain
I am heartbroken...
We got the news this morning that we will not be having a baby in January.
After a rough week of heavy spotting and low, barely rising hormone levels, we expected to hear this, but it was still pretty hard to take. Thankfully, it isn't a tubal pregnancy as they first suspected. There was a gestational sack in my uterus, but no baby.
Seeing the empty images on the ultrasound screen was heartbreaking.
The worst part of it is that we can't try again right away, not because of the dr's rules, but because of my job. I'm a self employed wedding photographer, and my busiest time of year is now- May-July, and Sept-Oct. Getting pregnant right away would mean I would potentially have to miss up to 8 weddings in May & June, which equals almost a third of my yearly salary. Considering DH doesn't have a job, and the fact that we're trying to buy a house, we just can't afford for me to miss that much work. We need a Dec-April birth, (my off season; I hardly book any weddings for those months) which means waiting until at least March before we can give it another go.
Waiting is a very tough decision, and I'm still struggling with it, but until DH gets a job, it seems we don't really have a choice. My head says wait; my heart says to try again as soon as the dr gives the ok.
If you were in my situation, what would you do?
Would you wait, knowing financially you will be on very stable ground, despite the unbearable yearning for a baby? Or would you try again, knowing its possible that neither parent would have any sort of income when the baby arrives?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am heartbroken...
First, I am SO SO sorry for your loss. ?I can't even imagine how you felt this week.
Secondly, I probably wouldn't wait. ?Why would you need to take time off? ?I think I am missing something. ?
I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm not sure what to tell you about trying again - it's such a personal decision. I can't help but think that even if you try to plan your due date around your off season, you might end up giving birth in your busy season - TTC is not an exact science, you know?
((HUGS)) and good luck to you with moving forward.
First, I am so sorry you are going though this. I can't tell you what the right decision is.
I m/c last week. If you need someone to talk to pm me.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devestating that must be to see.
But I don't understand what the problem would be if you got pregnant again this summer (assuming the dr is ok with you trying again that soon). June would give you a March due date, July would be an April due date. Because you are the only money earner I would probably wait until you are in a better financial position, but also realize that you may not be able to plan a pregnancy perfectly around your work schedule.
"But I don't understand what the problem would be if you got pregnant again this summer (assuming the dr is ok with you trying again that soon). June would give you a March due date, July would be an April due date."
This.
Edit: Oops...just found the quote button and can't delete to fix it.
I would have to miss because its a very physically and emotionally demanding job for me. I shoot in a photo journalistic style, and I'm on my feet for 8+ hours. This is my first pregnancy, and not knowing how delivery will affect me, it's too much of a risk to try to book a wedding terribly close to my due date. I don't have any associate photographers working for/with me. I know its a long shot to try to schedule a birth, but we hit it on the mark this time, and on our first try. Its a 5 month window, and I feel optimistic about having a off-season birthday. I already have a late April 2010 wedding, and a couple in May/June, which nixes trying in July, and my dr wants me to wait a full cycle before we try again. (My cycles are about 50 days long.)
On the other hand, I feel like I'm putting career before baby, and that makes me feel like a sh!ty future mom. And March seems like ages away...
I just don't know.Thanks for the honest opinions. I need to hear it, whether its what I want to hear or not. Actually, I'm not sure what I want to hear.First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through.
As to the rest, I'm going to be honest and say I'd wait. I'm also a self-employed wedding photog and have gone through this twice. I have a May baby and a February baby. With the May one, I had to cancel on 4 weddings and should have canceled another 3-4 (was almost put on bedrest and unable to shoot - long story). With my February baby, I turned down a few weddings and had none that I had to cancel on. I was back shooting in mid April (about 6 weeks after my EDD but my girls come early so it was really 10 weeks after the birth). But if you got PG this month, wouldn't you have a late February/early March EDD (assuming your doc was ok with you trying again this month)? How much time are you trying to take off before and after your EDD? Feel free to email me if you want to chat. erin at erinkathleen dot com Like I said, I've done this twice and I can say 4 months of no income is seriously painful and DH has a good job. That said, the February one was a lot easier on us with very little income lost.