I think I am becoming depressed.

Mrs.Babbsy · May 2009

This is hard. I don't think I am handling myself well. I can't stop thinking that something is really wrong with the babies. I sat here almost all day with tears in my eyes. I know there is a 99% chance they CPC will be nothing but I seem to get bad news every time I go to the doctor. It's hard to handle.

I went through 6 rounds of clomid, 6 IUI's, LAP and IVF, this should be the easy part. I really wanted to enjoy my pregnancy, but I'm not right now. I feel them move and all I can think about is their health. Am I giving them what they need.

I feel almost bad for getting the nursery ready. I feel like I am jinxing them.

I'm not doing well. I have way too much time on my hands.

DavezWife · May 2009

You're recognizing something is off... isn't that half the battle?

I don't have any answers, other than I'm thinking of you and the girls...

Nicole. · May 2009

i'm so sorry you're feeling so down

i'm sure what you're going through is so so hard, but try to remain positive for your little girls..they need you

you are doing all you can and giving them all they need...i know some other people responded to your post about the cysts, but I just wanted to let you know that my bff IRL has two beautiful, healthy daughters (not twins) who both had the cysts and they resolved themselves. i'm sure it will be fine. hope you feel better soon...

Waiting4baby08 · May 2009

I'm sorry you have to deal with so much instead of enjoy your pregnancy. I have a lot of anxiety due to my history and have a lot of issues to worry about as well. I know it is tough, but try not to feel like you are jinxing your babies by loving them and being excited about them. I hope things can calm down so you can worry a little bit less. My RE told me when he sent me to the OB that there is NOTHING I can do to alter the outcome of my pregnancy. Worrying about things all day long will not change anything and I might as well try to enjoy every moment that I AM pregnant with a healthy baby. I know our situations are different and things are easier said than done, but it has helped me at times to remind myself of that. I wish pregnancy could be easier for everyone.

Mrs.Babbsy · May 2009

Thanks ladies, I am just usually such a positive person. This is so unlike me.

I just totally lost it again. I hate this feeling.

jlh123 · May 2009

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. It's just so unfair! You are going to have your down times, you are entitled to them. It's very hard what you are going through. Maybe give yourself a grief period each day about the bedrest and so forth, and promise yourself you'll pull yourself out of it after 15 minutes and do something crafty, or fill yourself with positive thoughts about how you are doing everything wonderful for your beautiful girls. Keep reminding yourself the positive. It may seem cheesy, but if it gets really bad, maybe find a positive affirmation CD that someone can go pick up for you.

I wish you brighter days ahead!

ela81 · May 2009

I'm so sorry you have to deal with these problems. You are doing everthing you can for your girls! I like pps idea of giving yourself time to be upset everyday and when time is up have something fun/happy to do think about or watch on tv. I have not been in your situation so I'm sure it's easier said then done. Your doing great. (((hugs)))

rispergirl · May 2009

I'm so sorry, hon. It's understandable to feel this way with what you've gone through and are still going through. Like pp said, my IRL BFF has a gorgeous son who also had a cyst that resolved on its own. Sometimes I think we have the ability to get too much information but lack the ability to figure out what it truly means yet. The technology hasn't caught up with itself so lots of people are left with situations like yours. Just try to take it one day at a time and remember that there is absolutely nothing you can do jinx your babies. If anything, getting the nursery ready is sending out good vibes that they are already loved and wanted! Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.

leslie&brian · May 2009

I'm sorry. You have been through so much, and it has to be incredibly difficult. I'm thinking of you and your beautiful girls.

CMM05 · May 2009

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry.....I would be the same way. Do you have friends and/or your mom that can come visit you daily?????

Please don't search anymore about the CPC's......I know you are scared, but remember I know two success stories as well as all the others posted on here for you!

Hang in there! You are doing great and yes, you are providing just fine for your little girls!

craziheazo · May 2009

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I'm keeping you and your little cupcakes in my prayers.

(((HUGS)))

beebe929 · May 2009

I had a rough time believing that everything would be okay. I didn't have a very tough pregnancy, but I believed up until I was in the operating room for my c-sec that one of us wasn't going to make it out. I had this constant fear.

But I was wrong. So as hard as it is, TRY to just expect the best. It is coming!!

krissyh21 · May 2009

(((hugs))) It must be so hard going through what your going through. But I believe with all my heart those two little girls WILL be okay! You can not jinx anything away, if anything those girls are being shown how much their mommy already loves them to pieces!

mel72 · May 2009

I'm sorry you are down and hope it gets better soon. Wish I had the right thing to say.

cjsbdl · May 2009

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through this. To add to what everyone else has said, I just wanted to suggest that you talk to your doctor about your concerns and how you're feeling. My guess is that he/she will be able to put your mind at ease a bit.

SkypekWithoutAC · May 2009

*hugs* I wish I could help, I'm sorry. Can you talk to your doc?

SeaSoul · May 2009

I'm sorry...I can totally understand where that's coming from and I hope you only get good news from here on out!

dana316 · May 2009

I'm sorry...I don't have any advice or suggestions...but I am thinking of you and your precious babies.

hlsgrad · May 2009

i am sorry you are going through this. i know a few babies who had CPC's that resolved on their own.

I created my own diagnosis and then diagnosed myself with PTIF (post-traumatic infertility syndrome). It was the only way i could describe my constant fear anxiety and depression after i was pregnant. I was convinced something would happend to me or the baby. I didn't care about anything other than getting her out healthy. After so many heartbreaks and failures it took a lot to recondition myself to think positively about my body's ability to have a healthy baby. After all of those cycles (i had 6ivf's) i had trained myself to fear the worst. it wasn't easy shutting that off after i was pg with DD.

Please take care of yourself. and that means no more googling!

tnkrbl21 · May 2009

{{{Hugs}}} and you'r right you've earned the easy part, but I hate that it's not easy for you right now. IF sucks and I hate that it takes away from our pregnancies - even if there arent any compications, part of pregnanices are taken from us in the worry etc. Everything will be ok like you said, but if you are having a hard time why not ask your OB for a rec for a therapist - I know that may sound a little extreme but like you said - look at all youve been through to get here, you're having some complications and are onbedrest (bedrest sucks and it is sooo draining on a level that only someone who has been on bedrest can understand).

I really really hope you feel better soon. You are doing an amazing job momma

tina623 · May 2009

You can't make something bad happen to the girls by fixing up their nursery. (It took me a year in therapy to realize that)

It's good that you are acknowledging these feelings. Can you watch some movies? Do you have a game system? Maybe dh can go pick you up some kind of games that you are interested. I played the sims a lot. It wasn't stressful and took away some of the hours. I also played some yahoo games (they get addicting). I watched 10 seasons of friends and started on Dawsons Creek.

I was never on strict BR so I can't imagine how you are feeling but I hope you find ways to occupy you so you don't worry as much (if that's even possible).

smilelari · May 2009

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time

GreenEyedGal · May 2009

I'm so sorry you have to go through this rollercoaster of emotions. I'm sure it doesn't help that you're on strict bedrest so you have nothing to pre-occupy your wandering mind. I can't imagine going from working to not, that in itself, is a hard transition and I think that is part your depression.

Look, your babies are going to be fine, just FINE. God has blessed you with these two miracles and he is going to be darn sure that they arrive in your arms. This, right here, is just a bump in the road. I'm sure that alot twins come with risks so you aren't going to be the first or last mom to have to go through this. Just think about the light at the end of the tunnel. You are already more than halfway there so just hang tight and think about your future with them.

Oh, and buying nursery stuff is NOT jinxing them!

sara1014 · May 2009

Definitely talk to your doctor next time you go in. ?You're definitely not the first one to feel this way and have these fears. ?

Although I'm not in your exact situation, IF has sucked a lot of enjoyment from this pregnancy. ?My mom constantly asks me when I'm going to start being *really* excited about it. ?It's not that I'm not excited, but that I am very paranoid and anxious at the same time. ?Maybe it will get better as I get closer to 34 weeks, maybe not. ?I'll have a great appointment - but the time in between appointments totally stresses me out. ?I get stressed that I haven't seen them or heard their heartbeats (I opted to not even consider doppler rental because I'd constantly have it on my belly).

Continue work on the nursery - those baby girls are going to need somewhere beautiful and comforting to be! ?It took me a while to be OK with nursery work as well...DH kind of had to drag me in there to clean it out and get going. ?But now that it's more and more complete, I do feel better.

And STOP googling. ?When Baby B's nuchal fold looked "borderline abnormal" I went on a googling spree and it was absolutely the worst thing I could have done. ?I mean I was looking at what would be done about childcare for a child with Down's Syndrome...everything. ?Look at all the positive outcomes on this board alone about the cysts and let that take the place of google! ?

?

Hang in there! ?I'm pulling for you and your little girls!?

?

GretchenlovesMichael · May 2009

it's so hard to be worried about your babies...

and bedrest is so hard... it makes everything worse, emotionally, at least in my experience. but for me, after a couple weeks it got better, and i started to feel much more ok. thinking of you sweetie.

Mittens924 · May 2009

I'm so sorry you are feeling down....please know that we are all thinking of you and lots of prayers are coming your way for two beautiful healthy lil' girls Smile

Eyerlande · May 2009

Hey Sweetie, sending up more prayers for you in the little ones. There is something to be said about the power of positive thinking and by going forward and getting the nursery ready that is just what you are doing. Wishing you the best!!!!

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