Ladies, WWYD? — The Bump
Dallas-Fort Worth Babies

Ladies, WWYD?

We moved to Texas last Feb. DH wanted to come out to go to school at UNT. When I agreed to come with him we werent married yet but I agreed to come because I was in love with him and wanted to make a future and he said we'd be back to FL in 2yrs so it would be a wonderful adventure to start our new life. Fastforward about 6 months and DH is talking about staying in TX for good to work on his music career. Than we find out I was pg and we stopped discussing the "stay or go" issue but of course it stayed on our minds.

Since Noah was born we've discussed it a few times and each time we get into a huge argument. He believes staying here is best for us because he can build his career and support his family. Me and DD want to go home because we are isolated here without family, we never planned on staying here for good and I'm really starting to resent him for changing his mind and making me feel stuck here. My brother, SIL, mother and some friends all tell me to tell DH "I'm going home, you coming?" but I dont feel thats right.

WWYD?

Re: Ladies, WWYD?

  • Yipe!  I don't have any advice.  I'm just sorry you're in that situation.  However, I don't think your family's suggestion is the best/most mature idea.

    We moved here from CA 9 years ago and didn't know one person.  It took a little time but we both fell in love with  Texas and can't imagine ever moving back to CA.  so.....you never know?

  • I agree with pp, I don't think much good would come from your family's suggestion.

    My parents had a similar issue. My mom never wanted to stay in Louisiana. They got married in 1972 and I still have to hear about how she got stuck in Louisiana.?

    What about talking about it with a 3rd, uninvolved party- a counselor or mediator or something. Would your DH be willing to agree to a timeline- if x doesn't happen with his career in 2 years, you move back or something like that?

  • image avz2azb:

    I agree with pp, I don't think much good would come from your family's suggestion.

    My parents had a similar issue. My mom never wanted to stay in Louisiana. They got married in 1972 and I still have to hear about how she got stuck in Louisiana. 

    What about talking about it with a 3rd, uninvolved party- a counselor or mediator or something. Would your DH be willing to agree to a timeline- if x doesn't happen with his career in 2 years, you move back or something like that?

    I'm looking into counselors now. And we talked about this dec being our time line, but now he's going back on it! We said "he you dont get enough gigs (to quit working full time) to go back to school full time by fall than we're leaving"...he signed up for fall classes already!

  • image Sarahb34743:

    I'm looking into counselors now. And we talked about this dec being our time line, but now he's going back on it! We said "he you dont get enough gigs (to quit working full time) to go back to school full time by fall than we're leaving"...he signed up for fall classes already!

    That would frustrate me beyond all belief. I wish I had better advice for you. Good luck!?

  • I definitely wouldn't threaten to leave...that may backfire on you and I really don't think you want to break up your family over this. But it sounds like his mind is made up and isn't really taking your feelings and concerns into consideration which isn't good. I would agree with the counselor idea, but do you think he'll agree to go?
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  • image NicoleOSU:
    I definitely wouldn't threaten to leave...that may backfire on you and I really don't think you want to break up your family over this. But it sounds like his mind is made up and isn't really taking your feelings and concerns into consideration which isn't good. I would agree with the counselor idea, but do you think he'll agree to go?

    When I talked to him about going to a counselor the 1st time he said moving was a choice WE had to make and he'd only go to a counselor to help me feel better about OUR choice. Which is really turning into his choice. But at least he said he'd go so hopefully the counselor can help him see both sides and not just his own.

  • Are you married now?  Was he expressing his desire to stay here when you got married?  I think if you are married you should seek counseling to resolve this.  It sounds like he's not done with school yet so you should at least stick it out until he is done with that since that was the #1 reason to come here.

     

  • image sars1202:

    Are you married now?  Was he expressing his desire to stay here when you got married?  I think if you are married you should seek counseling to resolve this.  It sounds like he's not done with school yet so you should at least stick it out until he is done with that since that was the #1 reason to come here.

    We are married now, we got married when I was pg and he'd already been discussing staying when I found out I was pg. And I was open to staying until he finished school but he's of the mind set that if he cant go full time he doesnt want to go at all. He's going for a music major and it takes a lot of his time.

  • First off, it sucks that this is going on. It totally isn't fair and isn't what you originally signed up for. From what you've said, it sounds like his mind is made up to stay - either for school or for his career.

    So, it sounds to me like you need to decide which is more important to you and your LO - him or your friends and family. It sucks, I know! I've followed DH to 3 states, but he is my family now and I couldn't imagine raising DS without him...Could you see yourself in FL without your DH? If not, you might have to suck it up and get on board with staying - at least for a little while longer. BUT, I agree that he totally needs to respect and understand how you feel and a counselor is probably the best way to get that across.

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  • Yuck.  I'm sorry that you are in this situation.  DH and i moved here from FL (Naples) 2 years ago for DH's work.  I knew we were coming to stay but that didn't make it any easier.  I packed on 40 pounds the first 3 months i was here, i was completely miserable.  This board and making new friends has REALLY helped me realize that i am not stuck in hell and that i am the only one who can change the way i feel.  Like other PP's suggested, it may be time to sit down and really think about what is important to you right now.  My mom and i take turns paying for tickets to visit each other (okay who am i kidding we are broke, my mom has been paying for visits, lol, but i swear once this business is doing better we will chip in, lol); it makes the distance bareable. 

    ::hugs:: and GL!

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