- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
Letting go of our Nanny ...
I am firing my nanny this week. We have never had to fire a nanny. Our last nanny was AWFUL but we still tried to work with her and talked though all the issues with her and then she ultimately quit. The one we had before her we had forever and she left to be a full time teacher and we still keep in touch.
I caught this nanny smoking pot. During work hours in the master bathroom. We found her pot, pipe, and the door in there that leads to the outside was open. I confronted her and at first she denied it said she was cleaning out her bag from the weekend and "it was a friends" ... why she was in our bathroom she said she is "just weird and likes to go in there" and then said the door was open cause she goes to sit outside (leaving the kids alone inside) finally I said I was firing her then & there cause she was lying to me and she fessed up. I said I had to think about it and we would try to work through it.
Since then we installed nanny cams. No pot but she watches Tv ALLOT and let's the kids watch sometimes, we have made it SUPER clear we are a no-TV household Mon-Thursday. The kids have NEVER had tv other than weekends. She is also telling the kids to lie to us about it (they aren't thankfully and told us what she is telling them). I mentioned to her that one of the kids said that they were watching TV and reminded her that is not OK, she said it would not happen again. It has happened every single day since.
Friday I asked her again about the TV and she just flat lied to me. So my uncle is moving in with us on this Saturday to help with the kids going forward. So I am letting her go this Friday. My husband feels like it is bad karma not to give her notice (she is 37 years old and this is her full time job, she also has no other work experience in 15 years other than being a nanny - her references had checked out, at least the ones she gave us) but we also feel like if we gave her notice that she is dishonest enough to steal from us or make a copy of our house key so we don't want to give her warning.
She asked me for extra hours this week to help with some of her bills so I feel bad that she will be losing her only income as of Friday. With all the money we are putting out for my uncle's move (including buying him a car so he can drive the kids around) we can't afford to pay her extra this week, I literally don't have the cash. I guess I am looking for either support that this is OK or give me a suggestion on how to better handle this because I just feel bad taking away someone's income.
Also, do I tell her Friday I just can't trust her (and all the reasons why - this post is just the big ones) or tell her we are letting her go because my uncle is moving in and she is no longer needed?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Letting go of our Nanny ...
Bad karma? She's a pothead! And a liar! Let her go immediately and don't lose a second of sleep over it.
(Now I shall go back to lurking.)
This.
Agreed. You're entirely too lenient on this woman. You could have had her arrested (not that I think one should be arrested for smoking pot, but if she were doing it at my house on the JOB???? I'd think about it).
Totally agree.
Don't feel bad about this. She is an irresponsible liar who smokes banned substances WHILE WORKING TAKING CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. She deserves nothing from you.
This!
Thanks so much for all the reassurance. I think with all the lay-offs going on at my office (I have thankfully been told my job is safe) I am overly sensitive to someone losing their job. DH actually did some lay-offs in his office of some of his crew and felt awful about it so he is sensitive too. But yes, it is the right thing. I just wanted to make sure no one else would give her yet another chance! Thanks so much!
Look at it this way.
I'm an engineer in a medium sized firm. I work with other professional people who work hard and do their job well including following their supervisor's/bosses instructions, however, due to this sucky economy I've had several of them let go with no notice, no severance, only the option to collect unemployment.
Smoking pot at my house? No way. Not to mention lying and not following my rules. It sucks, but I would hope at least your Uncle would be trustworthy......
I fired my nanny in January. I know how you feel conflicted even though you know you're right. I felt the same way. My nanny was always late or calling in sick and always had an excuse. Even though (after the 50th time!), it wore thin, I still felt bad firing her - she had 6 kids of her own and the economy was bad. I still did it because my first priority is my ds. That's the way you have to think. It's not healthy for your child to be around someone who lies and asks them to lie. It is not healthy for your child to be around someone who uses drugs. Actually, if you knew about the drugs and DIDN'T do something, your child protective services might want to get involved. You really don't have a choice. You NEED to fire her.
As for severance, I didn't give it to her. She can collect unemployment. She was fired for cause. Your nanny is being fired for cause. No one gets severance when they're fired for cause.
I definitely would not lie to her and tell her it's because your uncle in moving in. She won't learn anything from that. She needs to learn it's becuase of her behavior. Otherwise, she'll go on acting that way.
It's really hard to confront someone but I would talk to your dh and decide what you'll say and who will say it. She will probably try to excuse her behavior (like it's her friends pot). Be ready for it. You need an answer. I don't care whose pot it is- you brought it into my house works fine. But you need an answer for everything.
Stay strong. Nesties got me through it and we'll get you through it. Looking back, I'm just mad I waited so long to fire her! So here's some encouragement- You're right to fire her. You're right to fire her. You're right to fire her. GL!
IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
OMG, you're even THINKING about it? Fire her ASAP! She should have thought about losing her only source of income before smoking pot in your backyard.
She's fired for the cause, so that's it, end of story. Your kids could have left the house or hurt themselves while she was "happy", so there's no thinking here.
Very well written.
I am an HR manager and counsel managers on terminations. It's never a fun thing to do but more often than not, the employees do it to themselves. SHE made all these bad choices. You are simply being responsible and doing what needs to be done. And do tell her the truth. There's nothing to be gained by sugar coating it.
Go forth and fire!
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
If I had been in your position, I would have fired her on the spot for finding the pot. And if she tried to make excuses, I would have told her to get her things and leave before I called the police. End of story.
Yes, well said. Just like the poster who said when you get fired for cause, you don't get severance! This person had very POOR judgement and it's not your fault if she can't manage her money well.
In follow up to my previous post...if you got this nanny through a nanny agency, I would be sure you call them to report what happened and why.
I would have fired her on the spot....ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!! First pot is illegal and you could get it trouble if for some reason child services were brought in and you knew about this and let her continue to care for your children..... thats not something i'm willing to risk!!!!! There are plenty of other people that are responsible and trustworthly that would love to be paid to be a nanny. And as for the lying and trying to get your kids to lie..... i would fire her for that alone, lying is unacceptable....... fire her fire her fire her