SAHM of young kids close in age...

Sadietoo · May 2009

Maybe this is an understatement, but do you often feel completely overwhelmed?

We have an almost 2 1/2 year old and an almost 10 month old (who has YET to sleep through the night...ugh) and especially since the youngest has started a separation anxiety phase (screams for dear life the second I am out of sight), I feel like I just can't do anything else but be right there next to them at all times.

And in the evenings, the bedtime routine is becoming more and more difficult,they are both tired around the same time, and both want mommy to themselves...when my husband is home it's a little bit easier (right now he is playing with them) but he often works evenings, especially lately, and I just feel like I might go crazy sometimes !

I can't get anything done around the house or get a few minutes to myself, aside from the afternoon nap, but usually by the time I'm done making myself something to eat, clean up the kitchen a little and sit down, either the dog barks, or the phone rings, or one of them gets done with nap before the other...

I guess this is motherhood, but I would love to hear that I am not the only one out there finding it difficult sometimes...well, often. I love my kids and am very thankful to be able to be at home with them, but gosh, there are days where I would love to find some sanity

Thanks!

august0605bride · May 2009

Yes exactly what my life is like

Can you get a mother's helper for the summer? ?I bet you could get a high school or junior high student on the cheap to come over a few hours and play with your kids while you get some stuff done-- that way you'd be able to enjoy your nap time, and when she's a little older, you'll have an excellent date-night babysitter ?

Yodajo · May 2009

You are definitely not alone. I have difficult days for sure. For us, the hardest part of the day is around dinner time. Both my boys are fussy then and only want me and I'm trying to get dinner on the table. I dread that time of day everyday! Both Dh and myself feel like we are going to lose it then.

I know it gets easier. Hopefully that's soon for all of us!

Ciarrai · May 2009

I can say it gets easier...somewhat...but I'm not sure that's what you want to hear. And yes, I do feel totally and completely overwhelmed. I had/have days when I just cry and wonder if I really can do this. It's a lot less now that the girls are older and can play together.

DD#2 also had major separation issues. We just had to keep leaving her and she's doing so much better now. It took at least 4 months (or more?) before I could drop her off at the sitter's without her screaming like I was abandoning her. (She only goes once or twice a week.) Anyway, she does best with routine. My girls are a similar age gap to your LOs. We do everything together. They generally have the same bedtime (kinda) and share a room. They take a bath together and then we all pile in my bed together to read books and have our snuggles. DD#2 goes to bed and sometimes DD#1 stays up with me and plays a game or something depending on how tired she is. Also, DD#2 was not a good sleeper. We did CIO at 6 months and then had to do it again at 8 months when we moved her back into her room. I know CIO isn't for everyone, but it worked for us and we were all a lot happier when DD started STTN. I also got DD#2 on DD#1's nap schedule (at least coordinating their afternoon naps) as soon as possible but mostly my "me time" is after they go to bed. DD#2 goes down between 6:30 and 7:30 and DD#1 between 7:00-8:00. At least I get a couple of quiet hours before bed.

hopefulmom · May 2009

I agree with the mother's helper. Maybe have her come in the morning to play with the kids. You'll feel more like doing things then as well. When they go down for a nap she can leave and you'll only have to be attached to the kids in the afternoon and evening. Hopefully your 2 1/2 yr old will get over the separation anxiety and start playing by him/herself...or will be able to "help" you. It is amazing what they can do to "help".

If mornings are best for your kids and you to be alone then have her come after their nap. That way you can get dinner ready and do whatever else you want to get done. Even if you only have her for a couple of hours it would give you a break. That way your 2 1/2 yr old will get used to other people and get used to being away from you. Maybe they could do something fun...like play in water.

MichelleWP · May 2009

I'm not a SAHM, I do daycare for 4 kids, then my 3 under school-agers. Some things I do - I eat lunch while I prepare their lunch, they either color at the table by me or watch a half-hour show (the small amount of tv they watch during the day). Then as they eat I clean the kitchen stuff, load the dishwasher when they are done and they look at a book while I clean/sanitize the tables, trays, etc (takes maybe 2 minutes at the very most). Then we read a story and it's nap time - so when they go down, I've already eaten and cleaned so it's my time. I generally get an hour and a half, if someone wakes up it's still quiet time so they can look at a book quietly on the couch, or I snuggle with the little ones (still quiet for me and we all get some snuggles). Doesn't address all the issues, but it's how I get a little quiet time to recharge.

lizlemon77 · May 2009

Ciarrai:

I can say it gets easier...somewhat...but I'm not sure that's what you want to hear. And yes, I do feel totally and completely overwhelmed. I had/have days when I just cry and wonder if I really can do this. It's a lot less now that the girls are older and can play together.

DD#2 also had major separation issues. We just had to keep leaving her and she's doing so much better now. It took at least 4 months (or more?) before I could drop her off at the sitter's without her screaming like I was abandoning her. (She only goes once or twice a week.) Anyway, she does best with routine. My girls are a similar age gap to your LOs. We do everything together. They generally have the same bedtime (kinda) and share a room. They take a bath together and then we all pile in my bed together to read books and have our snuggles. DD#2 goes to bed and sometimes DD#1 stays up with me and plays a game or something depending on how tired she is. Also, DD#2 was not a good sleeper. We did CIO at 6 months and then had to do it again at 8 months when we moved her back into her room. I know CIO isn't for everyone, but it worked for us and we were all a lot happier when DD started STTN. I also got DD#2 on DD#1's nap schedule (at least coordinating their afternoon naps) as soon as possible but mostly my "me time" is after they go to bed. DD#2 goes down between 6:30 and 7:30 and DD#1 between 7:00-8:00. At least I get a couple of quiet hours before bed.

ditto to all of this. we got the girls on a similiar schedule as soon as we could. Bedtime is a little hectic, but they are usually both down by 7:30 which gives DH and I some time to relax and get other things done.

I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time, but having some time just for me really helps with that. My other suggestion is to take help whenever it is offered. When I only had one I thought I could do it all by myself and that a good mom didn't need help. Now that I have two I realize that everyone needs help. So when my MIL offers to take them for the afternoon I jump at the chance. I had to learn to trust other people and realize that I need all the support I can get.

Zenya · May 2009

Mine are 2.5 years apart. My 3 year old doesn't nap (and hasn't since he was 2). Some days it's very overwhelming. I let the housework slip a lot (too much) and just this week have started really focusing on it and I feel very overwhelmed.

Overall it's fine though. "The days are long, but the years are short" . It's true.

Ashley&Bryan · May 2009

This is why DD#1 is in preschool 3x/week. Even w/ the summer coming up, she's going to school 3 half days/week. It's my only salvation! It's good for all of us. It gives me 1:1 snuggle time w/ the baby (which doesn't really happen when DD#1 is around). And it gives me time to have some time to myself, go to the store, get some stuff done. DH b*tches about the cost sometimes, but I really don't care. Our lives are much more peaceful when DD has some school/friend time and I can recharge somewhat.

UBMyBaby · May 2009

Definitely sounds familiar! Mine are 13 months apart and I could have written what you wrote when DS was an infant. I just took it day by day and considered it a successful day when everyone was fed, naps were had, and the dishes were done. Seriously. I let things go that didn't need my immediate attention. It was hectic but somehow we made it.

Some woman in a store with kids very close once told me, "It gets better after the first year." And I thought, "Gee thanks lady." A year seemed like an eternity to have such stressful days. Most other women I talked to said it got better after a month, or two, or three or four. That sounded better.

But seriously, that woman in the store hit the nail on the head in my case. DS started sleeping through the night at 10 months, finally, after a long battle with reflux. And by the time he turned one and gave up bottles, it got a bit easier. And then each month after that has too. Now that he can feed himself a bit, and they nap at the same time, it is easier and I can keep on top of things a bit better.

You definitely aren't alone. The beginning with two so close in age is rough to say the least. But I think it's totally going to pay off as they start to buddy up and play with each other. Mine finally are and it's the best thing to see. Love it.

Hang in there! One day, one hour at a time.....

Bellisimo · May 2009

It is very HARD! I love them and love staying home with them, but there are days where I wish I had a job to go to!....just to get a lunch break to eat a proper meal or a bathroom break that doesn't involve toddlers coming with or a break to talk on the phone without them screaming in the background!

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