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Husband doesn't support Ferber

mrskadamsmrskadams
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Does anyone have other ideas?  She's been a terrible napper forever, and today was one of the worst days.  On top of it, she was up 5 times last night, and I finally had to bring her in bed with me, which never happens.  I've tried Ferber twice now because it worked so well with my boys (different DH).  Last week she cried, and I soothed her at 3, 5, and then 8 minutes, for a total of sixteen minutes.  After 12 minutes, MH came up and ran to her as soon as it was time.  We tried to soothe her together, but she started crying as soon as we walked away.  When I told him not to pick her up, he told me the system sucked and it didn't work for her.  He picked her up and put her to sleep.

She can't fall asleep on her own at all.  I don't feel we're doing her any favors by rocking her until she finally falls asleep.  She's had no nap all day until now.  She's been down for 20 minutes, and now she's crying and so am I.  Can anyone help?

ETA:  Sorry I posted this on the wrong board, but I appreciate any help you might be able to give.

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Re: Husband doesn't support Ferber

  • Skipperg82Skipperg82 member

    So sorry that's really frustrating!!!  I think you're right in that you aren't doing her any favors by continuing to reinforce the need for you guys to put her to sleep instead of her learning herself.  When we did sleep training and DS learned to soothe himself to sleep his sleeping improved so much all around (naps, nighttime) because he could put himself back to sleep if he accidently woke up!  He was also a much much happier baby because he was finally getting the sleep he needed.

    I highly suggest Baby Whisperer because it doesn't involve CIO and you teach your LO to self-soothe while you are right there with her.  It might be easier for your H to get on board to do that instead of Ferber.  We had a lot of success with it, and DS was a crappy sleeper!!  I really suggest doing it sooner rather than later, because sleep problems only get more difficult to solve when they get older and learn how to sit, pull-up, crawl around the crib, etc. etc....

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  • Skipperg82Skipperg82 member
    And I wanted to add that she still probably needs more sleep after a 20 minute nap since those aren't very restful!!  Can you try to rock her back to sleep so at least she's in a better mood and hopefully the next nap will be better??
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  • Mrs.JLCMrs.JLC
    Did you research and discuss Ferber together or did you just decide this and then tell your DH what to do? I understand that something needs to be done but I think the only solution here is to have a chat with your DH and to decide together how you want to handle the situation. GL!
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  • Sunny1inTucsonSunny1inTucson

    From what I've read, it doesn't work for every baby. That said, it also says to start it at a minimum of 6 mos. Is your ticker up to date? Technically you should be waiting a few more weeks before trying it. I personally wouldn't be willing to give it a go before 12 months.

    I think you two have to decide together on an approach. Sorry you're having problems with the LO :(

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  • mrskadamsmrskadams
    I read the book, talked it over and it explained it to MH, he seemed okay with it, and then we started it.  He has always said that I was the parenting expert since I raised my boys, and he's never been around babies.  Apparently, that's not the case anymore, which is fine, but we need to figure out something.  The book and my pedi both told me I could start sleep training at 4 months, but I waited until 5 months.  Maybe we should wait another month, but she is truly getting into some bad habits.  It's only recently that she's refused to fall asleep unless she's on someone.  I feel like she's starting to form some bad habits that weren't there before.  You're right, we need to talk about what we're going to do, but I don't think he has any other plans other than what we're doing now.
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  • JessibellJessibell

    Your DC is still a little on the young side for Ferber. Six months is the absolute earliest that you should consider it. And I can't imagine doing it without DH being 100% on board. You will really need his support, especially at first.

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  • LilMissLadybugLilMissLadybug member
    Try EASY. It worked for DS, but I notice when DS doesn't nap well during the day then sleeping at night is horrible. I'd start with the sleep training for naps then move onto night time.
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