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Wish I had good news...

kirstenw05kirstenw05
in Adoption

But I don't. BF wants custody. Our system sucks @ss and may give it to him...or at least an attempt. Nevermind he is in jail and will be until November. Nevermind that he is violent and has a criminal history. Nevermind that even though he knew about her, didnt come forward in the time alotted by LAW. Nevermind that he can't keep a job or provide.

Anyway, we were kicked out of the court on Wed because we aren't the child's "parents" because his lawyer didnt want us there. Word is that things got ugly, the case was continued to yesterday, and we are still waiting to hear what's next.

Reagan's attorney doesn't think he will succeed in the long run, but it is so frustrating and heartbreaking and I just want to spit. However, I am a lady and will just continue the mantra that everything will be fine.

I cannot fathom of a systm that things "best interest of the child" includes living in a half-way house with an addict father that doesn't stay out of jail more than 30 days or so. WHY IS THIS EVEN A CONVERSATION??? Just because he has working sperm doesnt mean he is a capable parent. Shouldn't even be considered. EVER.

Ok, so I have a busy work day ahead of me but wanted to check in. If I get good news (still haven't heard from attorney on what the outcome was), I will share ASAP.

Thanks for all the support ladies, I know we will be victorious in the long run!

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Re: Wish I had good news...

  • Dragonfly_BrideDragonfly_Bride member
    How frustrating! I'm so sorry that this didn't go the way it should have. I'm sure you'll be victorious in the end. Hugs!
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  • candmcandm
    (((Hugs))). Some things are just wrong. :(
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  • 517butterfly517butterfly
    ((hugs)) That is just horrible.  Some things I don't think I will ever understand.
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  • jewele803jewele803
    Sorry to hear it didn't go well...that is just unreal that they are even entertaining the idea of him parenting...it's just not right!
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  • so1966so1966

    imagejewele803:
    Sorry to hear it didn't go well...that is just unreal that they are even entertaining the idea of him parenting...it's just not right!

     

    ditto! sending you (((HUGS))).

    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
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  • Amy720Amy720
    I agree with you 100%.  The system is screwed up.  Being with the bio. parent is not always in the best interest of the child.  The best interest of the child is to be in a loving stable home where the parents can provide support and the things she needs. I hope and pray that the judge will make the right decision and see that Reagan is exactly where she's supposed to be.
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  • Jas*sGirlJas*sGirl
    Huge huge huge hugs!!  I ca not even fathom the idea that they would think he will be a fit parent.  That just blows my mind!  I sure hope they pull their head out of their @$$ and see what is right for the child in this situation!!! 
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  • julandjojulandjo member
    Angry  This gives me the rage for your (the child's) situation.  I'm so, so sorry this is even an option for him.
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  • TTCgradstudTTCgradstud
    imagekirstenw05:

    Anyway, we were kicked out of the court on Wed because we aren't the child's "parents" because his lawyer didnt want us there.

    This makes me MAD!  From what you've told us, he has hardly seen her in her whole life!  Sperm =/= parent.  You are her parents in every sense of the word.  I'll be thinking of you guys and hoping that the court realizes what all of the ladies here know already!

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  • sunnybrook.sunnybrook. member
    I am so sorry you have to go through this. The system doesn't make sense. You have the right attitude. Hang in there. (((hugs)))
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  • KaliChickKaliChick member

    I'm a total lurker (but also from OC) and have been watching your "story" because it's very similar to a family that I have in my preschool.  Family member has custody, parents are unfit and yet the court lets them have visitations, etc.

    It's a VERY frustrating system!!!

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  • Honeydew1894Honeydew1894
    Ugh, I am sorry. I pray that the courts will see that you are the best home for R.
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    How frustrating! I"m thinking of you.
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  • TiffanyBlue927TiffanyBlue927
    Sending (((HUGS)) your way....and a boatload of prayers that all will turn out for the very best for you and your family! It must be extremely heartbreaking and frustrating to see our legal system fail  I agree whole heartedly with your statement "Just because he has working sperm doesn't mean he is a capable parent. Shouldn't even be considered. EVER." Good luck and stay strong!
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  • julygaljulygal
    Total lurker, but I have read your story.  I am enraged for you.  Your feelings for your baby are no different than the feeling I have for my bio DD.  You have been there since day 1 for that baby and to be asked to step out of the courtroom that determines the child's future is infuriating.  I don't care if the court feels reunification is best for the child, you are that baby's parent not an absent bio father.  Where is the BM?  I know she asked you to adopt, but does she have a say in if the BF is fit?  I don't know the system, but it seems so frustrating and heartbreaking.  I admire you and all the women on this board that jump through so many hurdles to love your child and keep them home with you which I take for granted.  Good luck and I hope you hear some good news soon.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    Oh my, Kristen.  I was afraid of this when you hadn't posted.  I'm so, so sorry for you.  I know that you will do whatever it takes to ensure that Reagan is safe and loved, and I only know you from a message board.  How can a court not see that?  I know they have to go through the motions, but any judge has got to be able to determine who is and has always been there for YOUR dear, precious daughter.

    It just makes me want to throw a complete, rampaging, destructive fit!  Don't they realize that every obstacle they put in your place makes it more difficult for you to ever feel safe?  Don?t they realize that that will eventually trickle down to YOUR sweet, little girl?  Don?t they understand that their goldbricking and ?diplomacy? has more than likely played a big part in your heartbreaking decision to not open you home to yet another of Reagan?s and Kaitlin?s siblings (please forgive me if I?m assuming something incorrect here, but I?ve gotten the feeling that one of the main reasons you won?t do this is because of the uncertainties that if you do so, the system will ever let you be a legal, unified family in peace)?  I could go on and on, but I just don?t know if it would ever be enough.

    In short, everything about this is wrong.  Kristen, I wish I could be there to console you, and help you through these difficult times.  We?d talk over coffee, b!tch over e-mail, and cry/laugh/act-out over drinks.  It might not change things, but I?d hope it would help.  No parent should have to endure such meddling trials.

    I am so angry!  I mean it; I could spit blood!

    Please let us know what the court?s decision is.  Also, did the court ever even consider the motion to terminate Reagan?s mother?s rights, or did that just get ?lost in the suffle??

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