any unmarried preggos out there?

twixx89 · May 2009

I know with me...people's eyes go straight to my belly then to my ring finger. I feel very judged, like I'm some unholy vessel for not being married. My BF and I plan to get married sometime in the near future, we just didn't want the baby to be the reason why. Is that so horrible?? geez.

kittykatlover · May 2009

I'm married, but I totally know the look you're talking about. That's why I keep wearing my rings even though I'm afraid one day they're going to get stuck on me!

FutureHardings · May 2009

I am engaged and was supposed to be married on April 4th of this year. My FI and I have had some problems and decided to just live together and wait until we feel more comfortable to take that step.

Even though I have a ring, I still get judged for living together and not being married.... so that ring doesn't do much... lol.

Marriage has nothing to do with how good of parents you can be. Marriage is something that deals with you and your SO, not your child. I would much rather live like I do now, than be married and miserable because we haven't worked out our problems quite yet.

RubyRed1085 · May 2009

Yeah... totally feel the same way. Who cares though. We had already put the down payments on all our venues and such for our wedding, then 2 weeks later, BFP! People look at me all the time like I am this horrid person for not being married and being KU, but I really just shrug it off. None of their business anyway.

lizzie53084 · May 2009

Me, and this is #3. Nope I'm not slut and I don't have 3 diff baby's daddy's. People do the EXACT same thing to me though. 'DH' and I think the same way, pregnant is not the reason to get married. I did however tell him I wasn't having anymore until we were married though. I don't need to deal with insurance hassles and diff last names and all that stuff anymore, and I'm tired of being looked down upon.

MuckDiva · May 2009

I'm married but I stopped wearing my rings months ago due to swelling. When I am out in public I get "the look" so I know what you are talking about. My feeling is... I'm 29 and preg- let people think what they are going to think.

peppermintgirl · May 2009

I've always thought that getting married just because one partner is pregnant is silly. Honestly, I think pregnant women are judged harshly no matter what. I've had people look at my belly, then at my piercings and tattoos, and a few of them have actually asked me if I think that's appropriate or if I don't expect I'll be a bad influence.

I got pregnant barely over one week after getting married, so a lot of people have assumed that I was pregnant before I said I was and that we got married because of the pregnancy.

phillyandashley · May 2009

I remember the looks I would get. I look really young, and it was always the same path...belly, ring finger, then my face...Don't worry about it. Love your siggy pic by the way! Yes

SAMANTHAGP · May 2009

I'm not married and we have the same plans. I feel that if we can survive (without marriage holding us together) through the baby, then we have a great chance at making it as a family. Divorce is rampant in this country, we could make it if we could make it through baby.

People definitely judge and that's fine by me. Even without him, I have a good job, I'm would be able to provide everything for this baby on my own. There's many married women who can't say the same thing.

christina627 · May 2009

I'm married, but it must be hard. I took off my ring yesterday bc of swelling and I was thinking today that people might do that to me. My DH and I look young (well we are sort of young...not teens but young twenties) and so people would easily think we're unmarried. DH doesn't wear his ring bc he doesn't want to lose it at his two jobs and it's a bit big.

LadyNikon · May 2009

if you dont want to get married why feel guilty? let them judge you.. you can't stop people from thinking what they want.. but you can stop yourself for feeling guilty about what they think.

I am getting a divorce and remarried. I never wear a ring. I guess I am too much of a b!tch to care

TimsMayBride · May 2009

Suddenly I want a Twix and some spaghetti!

I haven't worn my rings in a few weeks - let them wonder!!!

beth thacker · May 2009

*raises hand* not engaged either. Me and my BF have some issues to work through before we get back to that step. We were but some things happened. We don't intend on getting married just because we are about to have a baby. That's not what marriage is about. I don't need a ring on my finger to be a good mother anyways.

byrne15 · May 2009

i got pg while unmarried and in college. i used to get look all the time...oh well! let 'em look!

sam19 · May 2009

I could honestly care less about what complete strangers think of me and the state of my love life. Me and H got married while I was 21 weeks pregnant and many people thought it was because I got pregnant but I was planning the wedding before that. I don't really care if they talk because me and H are the only ones that matter. If you are both comfortable with the situation and have a solid relationship then other people's opinions mean nothing.

Kaytee1087 · May 2009

FI and I already had a wedding planned for Sept. 2011. We wanted to wait until he was out of school and we had a handle on the finances. Then, SURPRISE! First question out of everyone's mouth? "Are you guys getting married?" "Well, yea, eventually, but not like tomorrow." People are dumb. I'm happy with my life and although I didn't plan this way, I'm not sure I'd change it if I could. I'm having a daughter with the man I love. Although, I do wear a big fake ring, just because I was tired of the stares. Plus, it's SUPER pretty, and I'm thinking of when we can afford a real ring, getting one made like it.

mavilabride · May 2009

I was engaged three months before my BFP. My wedding was originally scheduled for October this year. My vision was 15 people at this beautiful church, a late lunch/early dinner, and then club hopping all night. By the time October rolled around, it was 175 people and nothing that I wanted was happening and it was everything I hated about weddings. It was a nightmare and FI and I were so frustrated with the whole thing. We decided to just put the wedding planning down until 2009 and bam?baby. LOL I know how you feel but so what. If people want to judge, let them judge. There are so many people in this world that rush into marriage especially when they find out they?re having a baby. They don?t take the time to just think things through. Your baby will not know that mommy and daddy are not married. You will just be mommy and daddy. In the meantime, you take things one step at a time and figure out your path together. FWIW, I don?t even wear my e-ring anymore. It?s too tight lol

thequeeenbee · May 2009

Everybody is just looking for a reason to judge, it's ridiculous.

I am married, but still manage to get the look because I will be having the baby around my 20th birthday. Yes, I am young, but have always been the girl who had her crap together, and knew how to work hard, and find success early in life. I don't need people judging me. Plus, my little brother, who is 15 is having a baby the same month as I am, and people throw us in the same boat. I'm sorry that my brother is a dumbass, and I completely agree that he is.... but remind me what exactly that has to do with me?

Getting pregnant is no reason to rush off and get married. DH's parents did that, and 20 years and 4 kids later ended up in the nastiest divorce on the planet stating that "neither of them really loved each other, that they only got married because of DH."

twixx89 · May 2009

byrne15:
i got pg while unmarried and in college. i used to get look all the time...oh well! let 'em look!

yea, I was in college too...and it just happened. Oh well, can't turn back time and I wouldn't even if I could.

My bf and I are completely happy with our lives right now and that's all that matters.We don't need a certificate to prove anything.

Thanks though...I guess sometimes it's just good to know others can relate.

kima76 · May 2009

I am not married either. Though we live and act like it. The only thing missing is a ring and the actual wedding.

We are going to get married, but we are waiting to have the baby, take time to bond and I want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Our parents want us to go to the court house and make it official than have a big wedding later... but we want to do it the right way.

The only thing that bothers me is not having the same last name as my baby. I have an 11 year old already and it really sucks that neither one of my children have my last name. I don't even have MY parents last name. It is all about feeling as though I belong somewhere.

Oh well..

gwenadella · May 2009

I felt it was important to be married before having children. If you are willing to make the commitment to have a child together---getting married isn't much different. You are making a life long commitment to one another either way. This is just my opinion though and how I choose to life my life. Everyone is different!

NewLerma · May 2009

I had to take my rings off this week again from the heat and I dragged the kids shopping with me, that was fun. I just laugh because secretly they're judging me when they don't know that I have a DH at home or work.

That being said, I'm sooo against getting married just because you're KU that's just NOT smart in my eyes. Get married because you're in love with that person and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them not just because you're carrying his spawn lol!

LadyNikon · May 2009

gwenadella:
I felt it was important to be married before having children. If you are willing to make the commitment to have a child together---getting married isn't much different. You are making a life long commitment to one another either way. This is just my opinion though and how I choose to life my life. Everyone is different!

Yeah but having a child together doesnt mean that you INTENDED to have the child. It just means you had sex and wham here comes little LO. Realistically speaking. It just means that you decided to take care of the child together. There are tons of wonderful single moms/unmarried moms out there. Besides to me marriage is just a peice of paper, benefits and a tax break. You shouldn't need a peice of paper to say that you are in love and want to be together. Yes I do believe in a perfect world where you dont need legalities and there are no evil husband and wives out there that wil l try and take you for all you got! .

lindzed · May 2009

I'm married but my DH is deployed so I will be having the baby by myself. I also have gone to all the classes and doctor's appointments by myself. It is amazing to see the looks people give you. I feel I really don't owe the nurses, instructors, other soon to be Mom's any explanation, but I do always think they would feel really bad being so judgmental if they realized my DH was simply away fighting for their freedom. It is amazing to me the things people say.

thequeeenbee · May 2009

lindzed:
I'm married but my DH is deployed so I will be having the baby by myself. I also have gone to all the classes and doctor's appointments by myself. It is amazing to see the looks people give you. I feel I really don't owe the nurses, instructors, other soon to be Mom's any explanation, but I do always think they would feel really bad being so judgmental if they realized my DH was simply away fighting for their freedom. It is amazing to me the things people say.

That is so messed up.

I really hate people sometimes. They can be such judgemental assholes.

God bless you and your husband.

amy&tim09 · May 2009

I am not married either, and we are planning on getting married sometime after the baby is born. People want your life to fit into this made up time table where you meet, fall in love, get married and have kids. The thing I had to try and get people to understand is that just because my time table doesn't look like that doesn't mean its not right for me and my SO. I feel people look at me differently when they find out I am not married. But let them judge. My SO's mother was very insistent on us getting married and I finally had to tell her to back off. We are happy with our situation. Our relationship is better and stronger than it has ever been, and I don't think that us being married would have made that any different. I think as long as you bring your child into a home where his or her parents love them and care for them, and respect and care for each other, that is all you can ask for. I know people who are married who are unhappy with their relationships, lie to their spouses, cheat, etc. I am blessed to say my life is not like that, even though he is not my husband.

I think is is smart and very courageous to decide not to let the baby be the reason you get married. It proves that you want to make sure this is the right relationship for you, and the right situation for your child, not just something you HAVE to do because you are pregnant. Be strong and know that some people are ignorant!

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