Given advice to lock my toddler's door

guidancegirl · May 2009

For some reason locking the door is the only advice I've gotten but I'm not willing to do that.

DD (2.7) makes bed time into a game (she's been doing it for about a week). She doesn't want to stay in bed. She had a long day (napped for an hour) and is pretty tired at the end of the day. She thinks that getting up time after time is funny. The second time she got up I told her she would lose her princess clothes for a day if she got up again. She did. The third time I told her no TV the next day if she got up again. She did. the fourth time I told her no play ground if she got up again. She did. I've been sick, tired and frustrated and the last time I put her back in bed I sat down on her floor and cried (certainly didn't plan that). That time she stayed in bed.

It seems like she's willing to give up anything because she enjoys this game so much. It's wearing me down and my husband works late and isn't home to see it. His idea was a later bed time, but the fact that she went right to sleep when she saw me cry tells me that she was sleepy (but the game wasn't fun any more).

Any tips or advice will be greatly appreciated!

Sigh. . . . .

SpartanGirl · May 2009

Have you ever seen SuperNanny? She has a method for this. The first time she gets out of bed you say "It's time for bed" and put her back in bed. Every time after that you don't say a word, but put her back in bed. You keep doing that until she stays in bed. The key is to not talk to her at all. Then the "game" is lost to her. She's no longer getting you worked up or upset.

I've never tried it, but have heard from others that it works.

Good luck!!

ali-1411 · May 2009

I would go with the pp idea.

But I read someone on here somewhere....with the idea that you give your kid 3 tickets every night. Every time they get out of bed they give you a ticket. But if they keep their tickets, they get a reward when they have 10 tickets. Or something.

DevonPow · May 2009

Two things that I have read time and again:

1) Put back to bed with no eye contact, no words. They are looking for a reaction, and even the negative reaction is something. Plus, toddlers are so impulse control lacking that I think a threat of punishment the next day (no park, etc) probably isn't that effective. The first night may take 50 times, but it will eventually work

2) Give her some type of "pass" for getting out of bed. The example I read was making 3 popsicle stick flowers, or something. Those 3 (or 2, however many you think is appropriate) things are her "pass" to get out of bed - get a glass of water, give you a hug, whatever. After all passes are gone, she can't get up anymore.

If all else fails, you can put a gate up in her door.

DevonPow · May 2009

Ha ha - looks like I should have read the other posts first! I have nothing new to offer

lilone_06 · May 2009

I think you've gotten some really good suggestions. I like the no reaction/no talking idea... in fact, when DD was around 12 mos we had similar problems - waking in the middle of the night - and I used this approach. For a couple of nights, it seemed like I had to go in like 10 times and put her back down, but eventually it worked. Granted, she was only a year old, but I think the general idea - that they get no response negaitve or positive - is the same. GL! (And good for you for refusing to lock her door. My sister did this to her DD and I thought it would be so terrifying!!)

beachinjune · May 2009

we had this problem. what totally worked for us was leaving her door cracked. I never thought this would work b/c her bedroom door is right off our den but it totally does. She was having a terrible time going to sleep- getting up etc. We leave her door cracked and as long as she stays on her bed, the door stays open. If she gets off her bed, the door closes. Only one night has she had her door closed and that was a few months ago.

WilyRed · May 2009

Zachary did the same thing -- we called it "popping up." If he pops up after bedtime, we just keep putting him back with no words. No threats, just walking him back. Yes, there was one night it was like 10 times, but after a few days he stopped.

jen_k2 · May 2009

DD did this when we moved into a new home when she was 3. I had a rough few nights. This is what finally worked. The first time out of bed, I told her it was bedtime & put her back in the bed. The 2nd time out, I just put her back in the bed. Then I sat outside her door & held the handle so she couldn't open the door. It's not as cruel as it sounds. After 30 seconds she gave up on trying to open the door & went back to bed and fell asleep. after that we had no problems.

MrsL1022 · May 2009

I agree with all te pp's ideas. I also think if you put a gate up at her door that is off the ground enough so she can't crawl under but can't climb over and try the other techniques then if all else fails you gate off the room and ignore her attempts to get up. You might have a few nights of her falling asleep on the floor of her room but then atleast the 'game' will be over to her b/c she didn't get any reaction.

heckhappiness · May 2009

my 4 year old step daughter did that for a while... b/c she knew that my fiancee would let her push his as far as she possibly could. I however have a limited tolerance for her not listening... OVER AND OVER. But i dont get mad. I think like she does. I decided to camp out by her bed. So this way she didnt' have a chance to try to get up to get our reaction when she came into our room or ran into the living room. It really worked. B/c she saw me there and knew that she wouldn't be able to get up. So she gave up.

cannapeppers · May 2009

I would try a few of these pp...passes...nanny method...even the gate...but I would never lock my child in his/her room. Hope something works for you soon!! GL.

Rocknmama · May 2009

I have also heard and sometimes use (though her playing games is not an issue for us) the no eye contact no talking method. You put her back in bed and walk out, closing the door behind you. Do not interact or engage with her...it sounds like thats what keeps her going. It may be exhausting the first night or two till she really realizes that it is no longer fun(for her). Good luck!

p.s. I would definitely not lock the door, I would not be comfortable with this. What I do do is put a gate up in the doorway, which I am fine with b/c our bedroom is literally right across the hall.

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