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Baby Showers
ctana
member
DH's family at shower...need opinions (sorry long)
ctana
member
in Baby Showers
My mother and my sister are planning my shower. I have a big family and since I had a very small intimate wedding she would like to have a host a large baby shower for us. To that end, it was her intention of hosting one large shower for both families, and our friends (ladies only).
Sis and mom reached out to DH's sister to gather names and addresses for his side and were told that they would have something on their side since the main/larger shower is about an hour away from the majority of DHs family. This was about two months ago.
So I have organized my guest list and got it ready to send to my sister and DH sees it, and notices no one from his family is on there. He asks, I tell him what happened, and he gives me an odd look and says that doesn't sound like something his sister would do (organize something for their/his side). States that sister is disorganized and typically doesn't "host" anything. Apparently sister has said nothing to him about this so it's a complete surprise to him that she would be doing anything at all. Nor has she asked me where I am registered or started throwing out the fake dates or anything.
My only concern is that the invitations for my shower (that my mother & sister are throwing) will go out and IF there is nothing planned on their side, no one from his side will be invited. If no one wants to come or cannot come due to distance that's one thing, but they should be invited to something. This is my mom's concern...that no one is inadvertantly snubbed because of this. She will be hosting a very nice party and would love to have his family there.
Am I worrying over nothing? DH offered to talk to his sister, and I don't want to stir up any drama so I am having him hold off for now. Thoughts? Should I just wait and see what happens??
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Re: DH's family at shower...need opinions (sorry long)
but they should be invited to something.
I have to ask this- why? Why "should" they be invited?
This is my sticking point about showers- they are GIFT GIVING events. It's about giving the guest of honor gifts. Now, I do realize that there are people who get offended to not be invited to shower, but there are just as many people, if not MORE, who don't care and who don't feel "Un- included" to not be.
Whenever I see people say "Oh- but I want them to know they are included", I'm like "Wow, great. You thought of me - you thought of me to buy you a gift!".
My point in saying all of this - you all shouldn't feel the need to make sure his family is "included". If his sister actually doesn't do anything and his family asks about why they weren't invited, all you say is "Oh- it was my understanding that SIL was going to throw a shower. Obviously it turned out she didn't, but based on the information we had - we didn't want to invite people to two showers.".
However, your DH could also just ask his sister about this. And if she says "no", she isn't throwing one, then invite his family! But if she says she still plans to - then let it go.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
There are showers I have not been invited to (but felt I should have) and just sent a gift with my DD who WAS invited. I'm usually not hurt...but just figure they didn't have the $$ to invite more people. I don't look at it as a gift grabbing event, although it would look strange if someone showed up without one. I look at it as a chance to celebrate the upcoming birth of a new life and to "show you care" about the mother-to-be.
I would definitely have your DH talk with his sister and find out what is going on if anything. He can tell her that you are finalizing the guest list and wanted to make sure you didn't leave anyone off that should be invited (like your MIL and SIL).
BFP#2 ~ 8/2/11, EDD 4/11/12, D&C 9/12/11 at 9w5d
BFP#3 ~ 4/15/12, EDD 12/21/12 ~ DD born 12/22/12
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
I would but both of my DH's parents are deceased.
When someone who is throwing you a surprise shower invites you to dinner or something else vague as a decoy. In other words, she has not invited us to anything this summer at all that "could" be a shower. HTH
Thanks for all of your suggestions, ladies! I will let my DH address it directly with sister.
Thanks. I'm not in the northeast where they have this surprise shower business. But how is it a surprise if you know about it? Maybe they really are surprising you?
Surprise showers just take way too much energy. I threw one once for a friend who I thought would lvoe being surprised.... what a total PITA it was. NEVER ever again. (But she was surprised, at least!)
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think some people like to think they are successful at keeping something secret and there's a thrill in "getting you off guard". I agree they are a PITA.
Well I think to be able to pull off a TRUE surprise shower, it depends on the frequency you get together with the person throwing a shower for you. If you see someone a lot, then the concept of stopping over someone's house on a Sunday afternoon would not faze you.
Whereas if you see someone maybe once every few months, like we do with my SIL, doing something on a Sunday afternoon is not the norm. She lives 2 hours away, and get togethers with DH usually involve lots of notice (he's a planner). And so far, nothing has been mentioned at all about getting together one time this summer. And because of the distance and logistics, a call a few days in advance to get together that weekend would seem highly unlikely.
You should have your DH talk to his sister to see what is going on and if she isn't doing it then have your mom invite them.
I say let it roll as planned. if someone from his side complains that they weren't invited, I'd say that you talked to SIL and she said that your DH's side was doing something on their own and not to invite them... not your issue if she's a jerk or lazy.