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death/baby shower

avakatesmamaavakatesmama
in 3rd Trimester
so i posted here a few nights ago about whether or not to push a baby shower in the family back due to an impending death. ?My uncle died today, and the shower was planned for saturday. ?They had to push back funeral preparations due to the holiday weekend, so the funeral won't be until tuesday, with the first wake on sunday. ?Initially my mother (whose brother died) said we should go ahead and have it on saturday and now she has mixed feelings. ?I feel like it's a little disrespectful, but at the same time it was already, i'm really on the fence about it and could go either way. ?Nothing funeral related will be going on that day, but i just don't know what to do!?
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Re: death/baby shower

  • SmellygirlSmellygirl member

    I would have it.  I'm sure your family could use something to celebrate despite your loss.

    And I am very sorry to hear about your uncle.

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  • Deirdre18Deirdre18
    Just my opinion I would cancel, push it back one week.
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  • kbryan03kbryan03
    Awkward, i'm sure.  My first baby shower was a few days after my grandfather's death, and everyone seemed to be grateful for the distraction.  Especially my grandmother, who i really didn't expect to come.
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  • PuppyMommyPuppyMommy

    I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. I know it was expected, but if I remember correctly, he was just diagnosed with cancer, right?  I am sorry.

    I honestly don't know what I would do. I would say to go on with it b/c I bet that's what your uncle would want.  Then at the same time, I'd say put it off until the funeral and everything has passed. I just don't know.

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  • mavilabridemavilabride member
    I would cancel or at least talk to your uncle's immediate family to see how they feel about it (his wife and kids).
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  • sallysands1sallysands1

    I say have the one day to celebrate life and then have your day to mourn the death. Both are a huge part of life. If your mom is willing the I say move ahead as planned. If she just can't maybe reconsider. But again i say celebrate the life about to enter the world and then take the following days to mourn the death of the family member.

     Sorry to hear about your uncle. my condolences.

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  • sjusju
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss.  I would cancel it. 
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  • margeincharge2margeincharge2

    Is the shower just for your family or are other family/friends invited? If it's just your family, it's easier to postpone.

    This is a tough call. I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I like the idea of talking to his immediate family to see what they would want. If they say go ahead, then I would go ahead with it this weekend.

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  • JasonsMauiMamaJasonsMauiMama

    If you can move your shower to the following weekend, I'd do it. Everyone will understand.

    There's a certain pall over people before a funeral or wake, whereas after the funeral, people are better able to enjoy themselves a little. It will be nice for the family to get together for a happy occasion.

    My deepest condolences to you and your family.

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  • LadyNikonLadyNikon member
    I would have it.  In my family a celebration both times are a celebration of life.  One is bringing a life into the world.  The other is a celebration of the persons life who has moved on.  No need to cancel it.  It isn't disrespectful at all.
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  • MaliaMouseMaliaMouse member
    I am sorry for your loss, My Gramma died 2 days before my baby shower and for what it is worth, my father (it was his mom) seemed so grateful for the distraction and to have life to celebrate. 
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  • tuxcattuxcat

    I think you should push it back one or two weeks. Most people invited will totally understand, and make sure that your uncle's immediate family knows that you understand if they don't make it.

    My second (?) cousin's baby shower was the weekend after my dad's funeral, and we didn't go. They totally understood when I mailed our gifts to them... and we rec'd a lovely sympathy card thanking us for thinking of them during such a horrid time. 

     but of course, every family is different... talk to your mom, your uncle's family, some of your guests... let them know your dilemma and see what they think of pushing it back... I don't think anyone would tell you NOT to have it, but they may be very appreciative if you push it back!

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  • mAnYaShamAnYaSha member
    what would your uncle tell you to do ?

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  • howa0155howa0155 member
    We had a family member pass away right before my bridal shower. We went ahead with the shower and people found it to be a good distraction.
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  • erino&chrisherino&chrish
    I would still have it, as long as you don't feel like you'd be upset.
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  • jolis_petits_bijouxjolis_petits_bijoux

    imageLadynikon:
    I would have it.  In my family a celebration both times are a celebration of life.  One is bringing a life into the world.  The other is a celebration of the persons life who has moved on.  No need to cancel it.  It isn't disrespectful at all.

    This.

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  • BabyTilley09BabyTilley09

    i would have it.

     a soul leaves the earth so another can be born. thats just me though. if you're too upset about it then i would postpone, but otherwise i wouldn't worry about it.

    im sorry for your loss!

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  • kima76kima76

    imagemAnYaSha:
    what would your uncle tell you to do ?

     I am with her...  

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  • pillowblingpillowbling

    i'd still have it. my bridal shower wound up being the day of my cousin's wake. he was shot while trying to help a girl being attacked on the street, so his death was sudden (23 years old).

    however, we knew the shower would be over before the wake started, and only about 5 people invited to the shower knew him (he was from the other side of the family). as soon as the shower ended, my neighbors packed up and took all the gifts to my house and my family spent the rest of the day at the funeral home.

    yes, it was sad but in a way it was nice to "distract" ourselves for a little bit.

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  • grinsandgigglesgrinsandgiggles member

    What kind of family is yours, is the question I would ask yourself.  Some families aren't up for conversation after deaths let alone a baby shower and others are all about spending time with family, seizing the moment, etc. 

    Also, are you going to feel awkward?  Will that be all everyone is talking about and not so much baby?  If so, I would move it to next week...it will give people time and they won't be thinking about the upcoming funeral.  The last thing you want is people talking about funeral preparations, etc.  And...will there possibly be feuds about what people get (money, estates, etc.)?  I hate to mention that, but sometimes times get rough around family deaths...

    I personally think it would be the elephant in the room and not be a happy time....I'd personally have to have it the following weekend if it was me.

    I'm sorry about your loss. 

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