Opinions re: When it's time to go to the hospital

Jimsgirl5821 · May 2009

My DH (and I kind of agree) wants to wait until we have the baby or are in the final stages of labor to tell family we are at the hospital. My MIL totally oversteps her bounds and would be annoying. My mother is an extremely nervous person and overreacts to everything, so we kinda don't want anyone at the hospital til everything is all done. If they knew we were at the hospital and said we will call you when she's born to come down, they would still come down early anyway and it would be way to distracting and completely stress me out to have them there while I am in labor. So for that reason he figured, we just wont tell them. As much as I want it to be just us, I'm worried they will all be super pissed. What should I do?

Mrs_mam · May 2009

That's our plan. We don't want anyone hanging out in the waiting area, because even after it's over, we want at least an hour alone with our new baby. So we'll call my family when we check in to the hospital (they have to drive 5 hours to get to us) and we'll tell his family when we're done.

niracess27 · May 2009

I would let them know you are on your way or there, just make sure that the nurses and your doctor know that you don 't want any people in the room other than you and your hubby. Keep your hubby in the room with you and have the parents deal with each other in the waiting room.

hisbabybear · May 2009

doesnt matter if they are pissed. if you and your DH agree on something then i would stick by it.

Aimee&Bill · May 2009

We are not telling anyone until after she is born either. I feel like this is really special for my DH and I and would liek to enjoy it before the mayhem ensues. Hopefully, I will deliver during the night and then won't have to worry about calling and waking them.

jaime5121 · May 2009

I really wanted it to be just me and DH, but now DH is wanting my Mom to be there too. He doesn't like things happening to me. It totally freaks him out to see me get stuck with needles, etc. He's afraid he won't be able to support me as much as I might need. I don't think any of my family would be pissed if we didn't call them till later. GL

Tinkermeg · May 2009

Are you sure your hospital would let them in the room?

Check with the hospital policy. People can come...but they can't see me until AFTER the baby is born.

Also, if you tell the nurses not to let people in...they will respect your wishes.

mavilabride · May 2009

They will all be pissed...until they take one look at your LO.

So my vote is for not calling until the very last minute.

kklickka · May 2009

Do whatever makes you most comfortable. They may be upset at first, but once they see their new grandbaby they'll get over it!

Jenny3 · May 2009

If you know your mom and MIL will react that way, then I'd wait to tell them until you are pretty close to having the baby. Allow you and your DH time to get checked in and labor in private. Once you are at the end (7+ cm), then I'd call. That way they can be there for the birth (in the waiting room, of course!) but not be distracting to you.

Jimsgirl5821 · May 2009

I want to be able to bond with our baby just u,s rest awhile, shower or at least clean up before we have everyone in. I just feel if I know they are waiting, I will feel pressured to rush before Im up to it to let them in...

JillShari · May 2009

One question: Would it really stress you out more to have them all confined to the waiting area.....or worried about the aftermath of not telling them when they wanted to be told??????

I know it is a personal decision, but spur of the moment you may change your mind anyhow. You can definately tell the nurses that no one besides your DH is allowed in, so they would totally take care of that aspect. But, from someone who has had one baby already, it was cool having the grandparents able to see their grandbaby soooo soon after he arrived.

ljlkm · May 2009

I don't think they will be p*ssed. And if they are, I doubt it will last long--they'll be too caught up in cooing over the baby to think about it.

mollymurphy · May 2009

Only you know your situation, but if you really think that waiting to call is the right thing to do (and it sounds like both of you do) stick to your decision! Once the baby's there and you're settled and ready for the grandparents to dote on her, everyone will be too excited to worry about whether you called early enough.

Sugar Honeybiscuits · May 2009

hisbabybear:
doesnt matter if they are pissed. if you and your DH agree on something then i would stick by it.

This! It's your big day...you can do whatever you want.

The New Mrs. · May 2009

I'm planning on calling sister when we go and if we are admitted telling her and asking her to call our mom's to tell them "she's been admitted but don't want anyone to come down until she has her epi - they'll call you guys then." And then once I have my epi, I'll have sis tell the family they can come. But the nurses will know, if I'm done, they need to kick them all out to the waiting room. AND, I'm letting our mom's know ahead of time that this is what we want and no matter how tempted they are to come down, we DO NOT want them there until I have my epi!

If you plan to get an epi - I would wait until at least then to call them. That way you're not being distracted by calls, texts, family walking in during your contractions - you need to really focus to get through the pain. If you call them kinda "half way" through, at least you're calling them and if they ask why you didn't call sooner, you can tell them that between getting there and getting hooked up and having contractions etc, it was a whirlwind and you didn't have time. And if you don't want them there at all and they show up, warn the nurses and have them kick them out!

Heather577 · May 2009

Stand up for yourself. It's a special time and you can never do it over. I'm sure any feelings of being pissed will disappear once they hold the new baby anyhow.

CalinsBride · May 2009

Who cares if they're super pissed? This is your first major parenting decision. Your baby does not need to be passed around to a bunch of people seconds after the most stressful experience of his/her life. Your baby needs its parents immediately after being born, and that's it. If that's how you feel, then that's what you'll do, and they'll just have to understand. Too bad.

VintageSpirit · May 2009

Mrs_mam:
That's our plan. We don't want anyone hanging out in the waiting area, because even after it's over, we want at least an hour alone with our new baby. So we'll call my family when we check in to the hospital (they have to drive 5 hours to get to us) and we'll tell his family when we're done.

This EXACTLY.

With DS, MIL was supposed to stay at our house with SS until time for school and then stop by. Instead, she brought a 6-year-old to the hospital and camped outside the delivery room. MIL and SS were in my room minutes after delivery and she even had the balls to try to hold my son before I did. Our DCP has offered to take both the boys when I go into labor, and I will gladly pay here whatever she asks!

showcow · May 2009

I'm in the same boat or at least I was until they scheduled my induction. Dont' worry about people being upset they'll get over it. I don't want a bunch of people there either but I'm not going to get that. I made the mistake of telling my grandma what the induction date is (felt they should know) and she is now going on about how now they won't miss it because it'll be after my cousins wedding. Also how they will be in the L&D room when I told her only 3 people at a time then she said oh will daddy, momma, & grandma.

If you feel uneasy don't say a word! Learn from my problem.

heidismith · May 2009

I would just wait to call until baby is here. They will all get over it once they see the baby!

staycee · May 2009

who cares if their pissed. I'm sure they'll all get over it.

logansmommy71 · May 2009

My MIL is like that. The whole time I was pg we said we werent gonna call anyone til it was over, but for some dumb reason we decided to call and say 'were at the hospital, we will call you when its done to come down'. one hour later my MIL was calling my delivery room from her cell phone downstairs to ask me how to get to my room. (well you got my room number obviously cant you figure it out?) i was kinda pissed but at that point i had to focus on my labor and the baby. I figure the best way to prevent this is 1. dont call them. and 2. when the admitting person asks you if its ok for you to get phone calls and for them to tell people where you are, say no. If people get mad at you for not calling them right away, whatever, its your baby, your delivery. screw them

Blackvelvet · May 2009

I'm not telling MIL untill it's all done. She doesn't even get to know what hospital we are going to since she called and harrassed the nurses when my SIL was having her baby (MIL didn't get an answer at the house and just started calling hospitals to see if that was where they were)

I will call my mom she has at least a 12 hour drive to get here so I will have time before she makes it.

MattysGirl81 · May 2009

Both of our families live out of town, so have visitors descend upon us at the hospital isn't a concern (thank goodness!) That being said, we haven't really thought about when we'll tell people that I'm in labor. I figured I would give my family some notice - my mom is going to come out for a week to help, so that would give her the opportunity to find a flight.

newbeachbride · May 2009

Both of our parents live about 2.5 hours away so we will be calling after we are in the hospital and know we are staying for sure. DH and I were thinking we will probably let me labor a little bit before he calls them just to give us a little extra time that we aren't worrying about them sitting in the waiting room. I know the last thing my DH wants to do is be back and forth from my room to the waiting room giving updates since we know they will all probably drive him crazy and that's the last thing we want.

Also we have also decided that no one is coming in the room until I am moved out of L+D to my normal room and am cleaned up. I figure this is our baby and they can get pissy if they want but this is what we want and thats all that matters.

I am worried about what to do if I am induced and we know in advance since they will all want to be here waiting the whole time. We were thinking of not telling them until the day of or something like that.

MrsEditorJax · May 2009

I will be letting my family know we're at the hospital -- my mom will be in the room with us -- but we won't be letting his parents know until afterward. They are largely uninvolved and uninterested, and don't want them raining on our parade.

blairsgirl · May 2009

We will be calling my parents. We don't mind if they are there. We are on the fence about whether or not we will tell MIL and have a conversation ahead of time saying you are not welcome until we tell you to come up. Or, because knowing that she always does what she wants to do anyway, we may just wait until they are here and wait until we are ready for visitors to call and say come up. Probably the latter. She wont be happy, but she is overbearing, doesn't listen, and will try and talk to my dr's and nurses and the babies dr's and nurses. She feels that being a grandmother entitles her to knowing everything about our lives. Sorry.......doesn't work that way.

Pesky · May 2009

Do yourself a favor and don't call them until you want them there. First, all will be forgiven once you lay their GC in their arms. Second, you have a perfect built-in excuse -- it all happened so fast, we were so busy trying to get through contraction after contraction, etc., didn't even think to call and then the dr said to push! You can lay it on pretty thick. They'll never know that you laid around watching tv with an epi in for 6 hours unless you want them to know.

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