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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Donniesgrrl
member
I need to vent ( kinda Long)
Donniesgrrl
member
My H is a SAHD He lost his job in February and for right now it is working out for us.
I understan that DD takes up most of his day and that she is a high needs baby, however when she is napping why can't he seem to clean the bathroom or get some other things done around the house. I understand that it is not an easy job and I would never take that away from him, but if you have time to watch movies and play with your fish tank you have time to get a few measly chores done around the house.
I guess I am just fed up. I ask him to do some things and I come home and they are NEVER done. Unless I *** or get upset they do not get done. I am so tired of having to *** and moan to get a few chores done around the house. I usually end up doing them on the weekend because things need to get done or the house will be in shambles but seriously it isnt like I am asking him to remodel the house in a day.
My thinking may be antiquated but I feel like he is at home his job is to be a stay at home parent and to keep the house up, that is what I would be doing if I was home. My requests are usually pretty simple. Straighten the bathroom run a load of laundry or 2 do the dishes take out the garbage. Nothing exorbitant, and still nothing is done.
I just find it exhausting and frutrating when he has plenty of time to nap and watch movies and tinker with things, but cant manage to find the time to clean a damn toilet. I get frustrated because I work all week and look at the weekends as my time with DD and instead I end up getting up early and cleaning so that it gets done, all the while he is snoozing away becaushe is so tired.
I am damn tired too I am working 60 + hours a week to keep a roof over our head and food on the table.
Ok I am done I feel a little better now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need to vent ( kinda Long)
If this post had been written by a man, we'd all be up in arms over how antiquated this notion was, etc. etc. He's home caring for your daughter; that's his job. Yes, it's not unreasonable to ask and have him do a few chores, but the world is not going to end if things have to get done on the weekends.
Perhaps you two could SHARE chores on the weekends to make them go faster. You both work 60+ hours a week, just in different ways. I don't think all the chores should fall on you, but I don't think they should fall all on him either, just because he is home.
I can't be sympathetic with you. watching my DD is a full time job even if she is napping. while i can manage to MAYBE get the dishes in the dishwasher or wipe down the counters, her nap time is MY time. besides, if he was working your housework would not get done anyway.
all that being said, i don't agree that he should be lying around the house on the weekends. you shouldn't do all the cleaning alone. i do all of our cleaning when DH gets home from work while he spends time with DD.
It will probably get better soon. DS was a very high needs baby till about 4.5 mo. While I was home with him, I couldn't do chores and, when I had a spare minute, I wanted to dedicate it to myself to recharge, not to the toilet. Taking care of a high-needs baby all day is harder than my working all day (that is just me and my job). DH is home with DS and now gets chores done b/c DS is so much lower-needs now. The house will get cleaned. Maybe ask hom to do that on weekends while you spend time with you LO? GL! parenthood is a big adjustment, isn't it?
I could have written this post, I completely understand. I imagine you feel the same way I do, NO problem sharing the chores but they should not all fall on you. I don't think you mean he should be doing everything. I polled some SAHMs a few weeks ago here and they all felt taking care of the house was part of being at home. Not necessarily that they do everything but they do what they can when they can.
I am a teacher and only have two more weeks of work left. I plan to sit down with DH is August and draw up a list of who does what. I understand there are going to be days he can't get anything done and that is fine but I am fed up with coming home to nothing done and then he plays World of Warcraft while I do all the cooking, cleaning, and baby time. Oh and I had my gallbladder removed last week so I am home on medical leave. DH just left for Atlantic CIty. Not that I really mind him taking a day off but I never get a day off.
Thank you for your insight and I understand that my thinking is antiquated.
I think the reason I am upset is because he doesn't offer to help me with the chores on the weekend. I would be far less upset if he did that.
I don't expect our house to be sparkling and I admire him for the patience he has with our daughter and the time he spends ith her, and that he is a wonderful dad. However I feel like I don't get alot of time with DD and instead of having to do all the chores on the weekend I should be able to spend it with her. I dont expect him to do everything nor have I ever asked him to,.
But when nothing gets done and it all falls to me along with my crazy stressful week I get pissed
Working 60+ weeks would kill me!! You must be exhausted!!
All I know from experience is that when I was home with DS I honestly could rarely get chores done (granted, he almost always will only nap when held). Sometimes I could throw some laundry in or run the dishwasher -- but no housework. Taking care of DS full-time was exhausting. There's not always that "mental break" that we can take at work (like the bump -- hee hee). I know our nanny offered to do housework & I told her that if I can't get it done during the day with DS, I don't expect her to get it done during the day. If DS is giving her a break, she has probably earned it & take a nice, relaxing mental break because he's going to be high-demand when he wakes up & she'll need to be ready to go.
I used to get so upset when DH would say that I was "sitting around the house" with DS while he was working. The child is fed, clothed, entertained, cared for, played with, diapered.... I'm exhausted!!!
I would talk to your DH. If he feels like he can do more during the day (or get some quick things done like wiping the counters -- or I just found out how to make folding laundry a game with DS by tickling him with the clothes -- he LOVES it), GREAT! If not, maybe you can discuss splitting up the housework so that you know what to expect from each other. A lot of if just has to fall by the wayside while you have a baby. Could you afford a housekeeper to come in a few times a month to straighten out? You could probably find someone pretty affordable on Craigslist.
I don't know what your evenings look like, but for me, its nearly impossible to get everything done while a spouse is at work. DS takes 2 naps during the day. During the first nap, I try to shower and get ready, which takes about an hour. During the 2nd nap, I will make lunch, eat, and MAYBE sit and watch TV or get on the computer for 20 minutes. DS needs so much attention, its pretty much impossible to get anything done. There are some things I can do when I strap him to me, but most of the stuff I can't.
I think its a little different with dads because at least for me, even though I was home with DS during the day, I was still primarily taking care of him at night (and getting up with him for every feeding). So I never had any downtime. I HAD to get downtime when the baby napped. Your DS might have a different situation if he has downtime when you get home from work.
I also find some things easier to do with DS - I can vacuum (because I strap him to me), but I can't necessarily clean the bathroom because I don't want him crawling around on the bathroom floor or smelling fumes.
I work 4 days a week, and DH thinks the house should be clean and dinner should be made on that day that I'm home. I just laugh in his face. If I can't do it on the weekends when HE'S HOME WITH ME, how in the hell am I going to do it when I'm at home alone?! We split the chores 50/50 and we still don't get everything done on the weekends.
I understand what you are saying and I DO NOT expect him to do that much and I fully expect to share the responsibility however I would give anything to be in his position and stay home and I would fully expect myself to keep the house up if that were the case. I don't expect anything from him that I wouldn't do.