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need advice! how much help did you have?

hi ladies, i guess this is a btdt question.  how much help did you have when your twins came?  dh is taking 3 wks off when they come home.  after that we don't have a definite plan.  my mom lives far away and would come for a 2wk visit (staying at a hotel as guest bed is now nursery).  mil is about 40min away, and has offered some help.  how much will i need/want???  how many days a week?  how many hours at a time? 

if you are still pg, what kind of help do you expect (or hope for)?

i've heard with twins that you'll take whatever help you can get... what about that singleton notion of bonding w/babies? 

thanks!!

jan

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Re: need advice! how much help did you have?

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    Zeidy01Zeidy01 member

    I was stupid. I got offers and I never took them. If anyone offers you help, take it!!!!

    My mom also lives far and came for 2 wks, my DH took 3 wks and MIL helped but I wanted to be SUPERMOM. I was so tired that some times I fell asleep while BF. If you have someone that you trust, like a friend and they offer to help for 1 hr, take it. You have 1 hr to sleep. ?

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    How much do you NEED? IMO, you can do it by yourself from the get-go. How much will you WANT? As much as people offer! lol

    My mom came for 2 weeks after the babies were born, but she was strictly on "Kaylee duty"..She didn't change one diaper for the boys, or do one feeding (I was BF anyway)..or anything..I think she only held them a handful of times, to be honest. After she left, it was just me and MH, and he didn't take any time off work. Bottom line, you CAN do it on your own. But if you have help, I would take it..It would be nice to sleep..lol 

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    I am hoping for lots. I had a really hard time with just DS when he was little. He would cry if he wasn't held ALL.THE.TIME. so I couldn't get a shower or eat or go to the bathroom without someone there to hold him (or let him scream which was awful, but I'm more inured to that now).

    My mum is moving closer and will be working part time so I'm hoping she'll come over for a couple of hours each day either to mind the twins while I get a meal and a shower or to play with DS while I'm on twin duty.

    DH was great last time, he was home for 3 months, but he won't get that now with his new job so I can't count on more than 4 weeks with him home.

    As for me - bonding schmonding... I think that's rot. They're your kids and you will feel soooo responsible for them, what's to bond? That is enough to be going on with. Just 70s psychobabble imho.

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    Maybe our kids were just super easy, but I had no problem handling them by myself.  Don't get me wrong, it was a lot easier when DH was around to help with feedings.  Other than a few visitors here and there and my MIL staying for a week when they were a month we did it totally by ourselves.  They sleep SO much in the beginning, I would have gone crazy and been really bored if we had someone staying with us for longer than a week (my Mom offered and was on "standby" in case we needed help).
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    We have done it all ourselves. I do it alone while DH is at work, he couldn't take off time when they got home as he was a new hire. When he is home he helps 50/50. We have had MIL babysit a few times but that is it. The first 3 1/2 months were really tough but you can do it!
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    We have three pretty easy babies! They were in the NICU until they were three weeks, so DH worked two of those weeks, so he had 3 weeks when they actually came home. (4 week paternity leave).
    My mom lived right down the road, so she came to check in on us every 2-3 times per day, and did help with some night shifts.

    I was like a PP, I wanted to be supermom. Got very tiring after awhile, but once they sleep through the night, gets SO much easier!! I do take care of our three every day while DH works.

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    I had alot of help in the beginning due to my severe PPD.  DH was off for 5 weeks, when that ended I was at my IL's every day (for like 12 hours!) Then I would go home & my father would stay with me until DH got home from work.

    Now I don't go to the IL's very often.  I work in the morning & then I take care of them alone in the afternoon.  My dad will come over at night for 2 hours to help (which I love).  Could I do it without him?  Sure, but I don't want to, I need the extra set of hands, plus my babies adore my father so it's cute to watch.

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    I think i'm probably in the minority here.  Our babies were in the NICU for 3 weeks.  DH took off a week when they came home and my mom was here to help us during that time.  My mom was supposed to come back the following week but she was sick.  My options were to have my MIL help or try it on my own and well...i decided to try it on my own and have been doing so ever since.  Of course there were some trying days but it just worked best for us.  We did really appreciate the meal help (MIL filled our freezer ahead of time) and when my parents come i usually ask them to dust or vaccum a room or two.  Everyone said that the first 3 months would be so difficult.  We think we must have scared ourselves to death because the first three months were nowhere near as trying as we had thought.  The hardest part was getting both preemies to take to the breastfeeding but once we got that situated we were good to go!
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    DH went back to work 3 days after we were home, my Mom stayed for the  1st 3 weeks then I was on my own.
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    My girls were born on a thursday, DH went back to work that monday.  My mother came for 10 days.  Then I was on my own for 3 days until MIL came for a week, then I was on my own.

    For me it was a godsend to have my mother there for the first three or four days home from the hospital, when I had lots of new-mom questions, like "how exactly am I supposed to clean these babies", "is the poop supposed to look like that", etc.  By the time my MIL came I really didn't need the help at all with the babies, but it was wonderful to have her because she made all the meals while she was here, we definetly ate much much better while one of our mothers was visiting.  It is definetly possible to bond with the babies while someone else is there, it is actually maybe a little easier because you can hold and cuddle with one baby at a time, which is nice.

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    My DH just started a new job, so he will have virtually no time off with us.  My mom lives close and will come over M-F during the day for the 1st 2 weeks and then after that 2-3 days a week here and there for another 2 weeks...our sisters have promised a couple hours a week after work here and there for baby holding so I can maybe get in a shower or a nap...I am sure whatever help we do get will be great.
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    After their 13 day stay in the NICU, they came home to just me while I was on my maternity leave. It was hard, but I managed.
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    For the most part I have done most of it on my own.  I say on my own with no dis respect to DH.  He leaves the house by 8 am every morning and is home around 630 - 700 pm each night.  The boys are getting ready for bed while he is walking in the door - he sees them maybe 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.

    My IL's came down the week that I was in the hospital to take care of our then 20 month old daughter.  I came home on a Saturday and they left Sunday afternoon.  They live 3 hours away.

    I made my husband work that week since we lost a week with my daughter since I was in a full week during her delivery.  This meant when I came home I had his help for a full 2 weeks.

    I got a lot of offeres for help while I was pregnant - but once the babies showed up - no one came around.

    I had several friends who showed up about 1 day a week for a couple hours to let me get a much needed shower and help with some house work and one very generous friend who made us several dinners each week for a month.

    But I am proud to say that I am here every day in the trenches with 2 - 5 month old boys and 1 - 2 year old girl.

    The first 2 months were really rough and I thought I would lose my mind - but I didn't.

    I think I had/have super mom complex - sometimes it sucks being a women!

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    krstyqtkrstyqt member
    I agree with CMW my babies were pretty easy to take care of.  They stick to their schedule well.  I loved having the help but I think if you have to you can do it by yourself.
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