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Stay at Home Moms
if you had a career before baby....
Hello--I'm usually on the "working moms" board and I'm seriously, seriously considering leaving my career to be home with my other much, much more important "career"--my daugther. She is 20 months this week, and she goes to daycare currently.
I'm really having a hard time jumping--mostly because leaving my job means having to sell our home, move out of state, put loans in forbearance, etc. It would be a HUGE change all around--not just cutting a few expenses. It would mean leaving my law career and my paycheck (and I HATE the thought of not having my "own" money, even if it only goes toward paying the mortgage and daycare, I still am very proud of the money I earn and how hard I work to earn it). I'm afraid I'll snap having to try to sell the home and move to a completely different state to be able to barely make ends meet on one salary. Plus, my husband would have an even longer commute (close to two hours each way) to make this "plan" work, and work longer hours--and it's only a somewhat viable "plan" if we can even sell our home in this economy....
All of those issues aside, I hate leaving my daughter each morning. I HATE it. She's in good hands, and is thriving at daycare as evidenced by her confidence, the fun I've seen her having there, the social skills, etc. But I can't stop beating myself up over it despite the evidence that my working outside the home obviously isn't hurting her in any way. I feel that my daughter deserves me, full time. On the other hand, I'm really afraid I won't be a great Mom if I'm stuck at home, no money, no family or friends around, my husband working longer hours, two hours away etc, b/c my staying home means my having to move to a different STATE!
All of this is a really long way of asking for your advice based on your own experiences--if you moved from a full time, demanding career and a good salary to staying with your child full time, (and had to make big life changes as a result)--are you honestly happy with the move? How did you make the jump, and why? Is there anything you would have done differently? Do you feel it was worth the jump--as in, do you feel your child is happier and/or are you?
I'll very much appreciate your responses!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: if you had a career before baby....
I left a career that I loved. I too hate being dependent upon DH's income. I like feeling like a FULL partner. I truely miss it.
And I truely love being a SAHM. I love raising my child the way I want to raise her. I love being there for all of her "new accomplishments". I love snuggle time.
BUT - I would never had done this if we were not financially able to do so. And I would never put my entire family through such crazy stressors to do so either.
Being a good parent is doing what is best for the family, not just the child. Will your daughter really be better off having to live through all of these changes on top of Mommy and Daddy's stress (driving two hours each day does not make a happy daddy)? Will your daughter really be better off by not having Daddy around as much just so she can see mommy more?
So why not think outside of the box. Instead of doing it all at once, ease into it. create a budget and cut out everything you can to save a good nest egg and/or pay down as much of your debt. Downsize the house before you quite. Then, see if you can work part-time somewhere.
Then you will have the best of both worlds.
I wouldn't trade my medical sales career for being a SAHM any day..I love being at home with my D.
But it does get tough sometimes and I do imagine being back in the field and how good the professional interactions would be if I'd be working.
You both have an easy but difficult decision to make. ?Working is tough on you emotionally yet you are tied to your ability to have extra money and thrive professionally. ?
Some questions--are you going to have more children? ?When? ?Since your D is 20 months...she's going to be going to preschool and K in a few years and then you'll be not at home with her all day either.
Does moving away out of the state mean that you'll be back where you or your DH used to live? ?Or are you moving to get out of a HCOL area?
Financially speaking, it is a little bit of a financial restraint on our household to allow me to stay at home, but with the "time" I have being the SAHM, I am able to menu plan, cook and clean the home (without having a housekeeper or use a lot of takeout places to feed us...) and keep our home in an organized, happy manner. ?When DH comes home, the baby is fed, the house is clean, and dinner is ready. ?He loves it and I love to provide that for our family.
Is there a way you can work part time? ? Even 4 days a week? ?That might be an option so you have the ability to still stay at home and then work and keep up your career.
Sorry for the rambling...just thought I'd throw out some questions. ?In the end, it is your and DH's decision....we of course on this board would highly recommend staying at home but we don't know your personal situation as much as you do. ?
GL!?
I became a SAHM after a great career with a lot of potential starting to sprout up because DD is special needs and can't go to daycare. It's been a tough road for me, and like you, I prided myself on having my own money to contribute to the family. I HATE asking DH for money now...not that I have to ask, but more tell him so we can balance the checkbook. Ugh- it's the worst feeling.
On the other hand, being home has been fun and has really taken a lot of that work stress out of my life. Dishes are done and dinner is cooked so at night we have true family time. I do the groceries and a lot of other stuff during the day so DH can be home at night and helping/playing with DD.
If I were in your shoes, instead of quitting altogether, I would find something that is more part-time. I'm sure that's difficult in the law field, but it seems like a more reasonable 'next step' rather than making so many life changes and finding out it's really not for you (and trust me, SAH is not for everyone...like me!). Plus, that way you can really assess whether of not SAH is for you. It is pretty mundane and if you really thrive on using your brain in an intellectual way it may not be the best fit for you...or it may! GL with your decision.
Have you explored any part time options? I was able to keep my current job, but job-share with another mom working part time. It's not a ton of money, but it's enough to pay for part time daycare and give our budget a little cushion - plus I'm not entirely out of the loop and can go back to full time if DH lost his job.
I definitely had issues about not making money. When we got married we kept seperate accounts as well as a joint account because of my issues. It did take some time to get used to not making as much as DH. I make it a point to not just let him take over the finances, keep our spending down and contribute however I can. But I have to say that having that little bit of money from my part time work helps a lot too.
I left my full-time very demanding but well-paying career and am now a SAHM. Temporarily only. (While we're overseas, I'm able to SAH but will have to go back to work when we go home.) I absolutely love it - there's not one second where I miss working. I might miss the paycheck, but our situation is a little different than yours; our living expenses are paid here, so we don't really need my salary. Anyway, I love being a SAHM, love every single day with her. But I HATED my job, and DD has always been a really easy baby/kid, so this was a pretty easy transition. I'm sure others have had more challenges than me.
FWIW, when I did work, DD was in daycare, and like yours, I had no qualms about her care there. I loved the center we had her in, as did she - she thrived there. And I have no doubt she would do the same here; the benefit for me SAH now is truly just for me, and I guess DH and DD benefit a little via home-cooked meals and a cleaner house.
I guess I'm not really clear on why you want to stay home. You say your DD thrives in daycare. You don't really mention whether you're unhappy with your career. So I guess it's tough for me to offer anything other than my own experience. I'd challenge you to really make sure you understand WHY you want to make this change, because it's not really clear to me. GL with your decision!