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Parenting
DallasHorn
member
Anyone think/planned for 3, but after having 1 boy and 1 girl changed their mind?
DallasHorn
member
in Parenting
I've thought for a while that I wanted 3. Both DH and I come from very large families yet we each only have 1 sibbling. As such, I always wanted 3 (4 seems too much).
Now that said, as some have said "we won the genetic lottery" - 1 girl and 1 boy. People would often comment when I was pg w/ #2 that I must be done since I have one of each and it never made sense.
Fast forward...I'm starting to wonder if there is something to the logic of having 1 of each. Not sure if I'm just over thinking, over analyzing, etc.
Anyone else in the same boat?
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Re: Anyone think/planned for 3, but after having 1 boy and 1 girl changed their mind?
I've been thinking the same thing. We've always wanted 3, but now I'm thinking we are done since we have one of each,and financially it makes more sense for us to stop here,but yet there's a little part of me that cannot let go the idea of having 3.
?
Aggiecouple: your reasoning for having 3, is why DH wants to have 3 kids.
Personally, I find it kind of offensive when someone suggests that one of each is the perfect family and there's no reason to have a 3rd. ?But maybe that's just because I have 2 boys and people assume that I'm having a 3rd just to have a girl. ?
FWIW, I think plenty of people stop earlier than they originally planned just because they feel their family is complete. ?I originally wanted four, but I think we're done after this one. (And it's another boy!)?
I always wonder why people are offended by this --- "Personally, I find it kind of offensive when someone suggests that one of each is the perfect family and there's no reason to have a 3rd."
I think having one of each IS a perfect family.
You obviously feel that having 3 (or maybe 4) kids is the perfect family. I'm not offended in the least that you obviously think 2 kids is not ideal!
I see your point, Jodi, and I probably shouldn't be so sensitive about it. ?I just get tired of people projecting their own desires onto me and assuming that I'm just dying to have a girl and that I would have the perfect family if I had a girl.
I realize the OP wasn't implying this, though-- that she was really just talking about her own family.?
It's interesting because I think of winning the gentic lottery as having two healthy, living, children, but I guess it just depends of your experience and circumstances. That's a really annoying sentiment though, about having two children, one of each sex. People are dumb.
Well, sure I guess we all have our own definition. After my experiences with this pregnancy to me a perfect family is a healthy family.
I always wanted 3.. but after having such a difficult time already with this pregnancy, I think I'm done. ?DH has always said he just wants 2 and I'm thinking I'm going to be done with 2, too.?
I'm kind of with the pp who said it's a little offensive when people say "perfect family" with 1 of each.. I have no idea what this baby is, but if it's another girl, I'll still feel like it's a "perfect family" KWIM?
---> absolutely no offense Jodi! ?I completely understand what you're saying too with everyone having their own opinion of what the perfect family means. ?
It's too late now...but all the sudden I have doubts. ?I am sure they will pass.
?We haven't announced our pregnancy to everyone yet but we are nervous about a few because they have the mentallity that we have "the perfect family" now without the new addition....?
I always saw myself with three though?
I agree with this although we want more than 3 and just because we like having kids. But I have definitely taken this into consideration. I have a friend I've known since we were little who lost her sister to cancer (only sibling) when she was a freshman in high school and her sister was 13 years old. I still wonder to this day what her life would be like if she hadn't lost her sister and/or she had other siblings. Oh and we have one boy and one girl and have also had a lot of people think we were done because what we have is "perfect".
I've gotten kind of annoyed when someone assumes we're done because we have one of each. I would never want to consider any number of children perfect per se because that implies that one child, etc. wasn't good enough. I feel like having our son was perfect, then adding DD gave us a new perfect. I think assuming that someone is done having kids because it's "perfect" is weird. Having our boy and girl is perfect for us because that's what we have. If we would have had two boys or two girls that would have been perfect too because that's what we would have had. I'm starting to think I'm not making any sense and I'm rambling but that's how I feel about it.
A friend of mine had a boy and then a girl, and told me many times they were "definitely done." However, her daughter is now almost 2, and suddenly she's thinking of having a third. So I would just caution you that your feelings could change as your kids get older!
We have a girl and a boy, but we're still having a third. I think it's neat to have one of each just to see the differences between them, but I also think it would be nice for at least one of them to have a same-sex sibling. And with more kids in the family, they'll have more kids to play with, a better chance of having a good relationship with at least one of them as they get older, more people to turn to...etc. Plus I like the idea of big holiday get togethers when the kids are grown, and more grandkids!
DD, 1/7/05 * DS #1, 1/25/07 * DS #2, 11/11/09
Baby #4, EDD 11/11/12
m/c 7/30/08 at 12 weeks (blighted ovum, emergency D&C)
My perfect family has no kids under 6 in it, so in order to get to that...I kind of have to go through a very non-perfect LONG endurance test.
I don't mind so much about the gender though DH and I both would like a girl. We'd always wanted a girl, and I want one slightly less now that I know more about raising boys but he wants one slightly more I think than before DS. It was never about 1 of each, if we'd had a girl I think he would have been very close to one and done. I would have probably thought about #2 just because I wouldn't want an only child.
The other thing about 3 is that all the 3-kid families I know IRL have awful middle-child syndrome. Hope our having twins minimises that but who knows?
I don't think there is any perfect size, there's just what you think you can survive. I do not think I can survive any more infancies after this double-dose coming up. I might think it would be nice (not perfect) to have 4 or even 5 kids when they are teenagers, but I couldn't cope with that many as infants/preschoolers.
I kind of think its silly to talk about a perfect family at all. No family is perfect. If they look perfect, that's kind of scary and almost certainly delusional.