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iris427
member
s/o being alone with the opposite sex
iris427
member
I'm not trying to tell Star or anyone else how to run their marriage.
But to me, it says a lot more about commitment if you can be around others and maybe even tempted to cheat, and NOT do it, than to just avoid being alone with the opposite sex alltogether. The value in monogamy, IMO, comes from the fact that it's hard and that you will find other people attractive and will be interested in other people, but you stay committed to your partner anyway. That my husband and I have both had ample opportunity to cheat and haven't, is what is meaningful to me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o being alone with the opposite sex
I don't find an issue with being alone w/ the opposite sex or having DH be alone. It isn't even a question. We are married & commited to eachother. No reason to worry or be unsure.
I work in a male dominent industry so I'm constantly alone with the opposite sex. I'd be really in trouble if it was an issue.
Well said.
It's not realistic to think your spouse, or you, will never find someone else attractive.
You can try to limit the opportunity -- like not being alone with sexy people for example -- but it's a person's character that makes the difference. I will not cheat because of me - not because of a lack of opportunity.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
DITTO 100%
ETA: Iris I LOVE your Siggy....so cute.
Yeah, I find that approach LESS trusting and confidence inspiring.?
I know what you're saying. We have been alone with people of the opposite sex...especially at work. I posted in the thread that when I said "never' it was an overstatement.
I really think it has to do with "avoiding the appearance of evil" and not even giving yourself the chance to be tempted. For instance, Baptists, for the most part don't drink at all. Why? Because according to their belief's drunkeness is a sin- enjoying a glass or two of wine isn't, but they don't even want to get close to the line. We aren't dying to cheat on each other but can't because of our "rule". We just feel like setting up these boundaries for ourselves is good for us. Do I know that he could cheat if he wanted to, of course. I have to say though, I've never found it hard to stay faithful, and if dh told me that he was tempted to cheat on me but didn't, we'd still be in some serious counseling.
Oh, and the not drinking thing- I don't follow that rule.
i agree. i'll be honest back when dh and i were dating i was in a situation where i was tempted, dh and i were dating long distance and my best friend was a guy who was in love with me. i liked the attention. but i told him i had to break up with dh before anything could happen, and i considered breaking up with him, but at the end of the day i knew in my heart that dh was the one for me. that kid and i stopped being friends, but that was b/c of him not me. he didn't feel like he could be around me. another time dh & i had a friend who was really into me. i've been face to face with people who wanted me to cheat with them and i never would. i would rather end a friendship. now these were before we were married or engaged even, but i know dh trusts me 110% and i him.
i also don't think there is anything wrong with my dh being attracted to other people. i seriously point out a really beautiful girl on the street if i think he should see her!
ITA.
I can see avoiding temptation like not hanging out with ex's or being alone with someone you're really attracted to or whatnot. But never being alone with anyone of the opposite sex ever seems to abdicate responsibility for your own actions.
It reminds me a bit of old school movies where the woman gets all twitter-paited at the sight of a man but knows she should maintain her virtue, can resist his wang-based charms no longer, and as her will crumbles she collapses into his arms and a weirdly aggressive, face-eating style kiss.
We're adults not hormone driven teens who lack impulse control. Remove yourself from the equation at the twitter-pation stage. You don't have to let anyone but your husband eat your face.
I see what you're saying and agree with this viewpoint. I think for us, we trust ourselves and each other not to cheat, but don't want to give anyone a reason to raise an eyebrow - be it each other or anyone else. kwim?
I disagree. I think the value of monogamous in a marriage is in committing yourself forever to one person. Being tested does not make the commitment any more or less valuable.
Not everyone sees it this way, but for many couples protecting their marriage from any possible infidelity is a sign of respect, and an acknowledgment that all human beings make mistakes at times, even if they are a good person who you think would never ever cheat.