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LGBT Parenting
2brides
member
Why we have our own board
2brides
member
When TTC
we are often treated as infertility patients, even though we aren't
technically infertile. We often don't have insurance coverage (even
when mandated by the state) because we don't have "husband's sperm."
Our biological families and our friends are often opposed/curious/uninformed about GLBT TTC
issues/parenting. The feelings of the non-biological parent are very real and not similar to those of a father. It forces us to "come out" in our workplaces even when we don't want to for safety/fear of being fired.
As a parent, 80% of parenting is the same as the hetero world. We all worry about what our kids are eating, how little sleep we are getting, how to balance work/family, how to be a good SAHM, how to potty train, etc. The similarities are endless. And yet, LGBT parents have to worry if the other parents at the playground will let their kids come over for a playdate when they find out s/he had two moms/dads (not that we flaunt it - but when someone asks what my husband does, I am not going to lie in front of my child.), we have to make sure we have legal paperwork set up so our long lost cousin doesn't come out of the woodwork and try to take custody godforbid if something ever happen to me, and if we are lucky enough to live in a state that does second parent adoptions (were the non-biological parent adopts the child and is listed on the birth certificate) we have to submit reams of paperwork, go through an invasive home study, get letters of reccomendation from friends verifying that we'll be good parents, and pay thousands of dollars for an attorney/court fees.
And we do this all because we want children in our lives more than anything in the world. This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why we have our own board
Very well said.
~Kennedy
I sincerely hope that you soon have the same rights that hetero couples take for granted. It boggles my mind that in 2009, gay marriage and families with same-sex parents are STILL not considered an "everyday" part of our lives.
As a fellow Virginia resident, I was saddened when voters selected "Yes" to the amendment to basically take away any legal rights for same-sex couples. WHAT MANY "YES" VOTERS FAILED TO REALIZE is that they also voted to take away legal rights for ALL co-habiting couples that weren't legally married.
All this being said, so long as you are a good stable parent, I got your back
This is so beautifully written - thank you.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Very well said, except for the first part about being infertile.
If I am perfectly fine, but my DH has no sperm (I think this is called azospermia?) - then WE are an infertile couple. Technically, you are infertile because you cannot conceive without assistance. Just like me! Two women, lacking sperm, are also infertile.
And I must say, as 2 women, you have a reproductive edge. You have 2 uteruses, 4 ovaries. Much better odds at having some good eggs and a happy place for them to land. All you need is sperm - and the good news is that sperm is pretty available!
Please don't take this to mean I am belittling your unique challenges at all. Of course there are so many more challenges for a gay couple to conceive and parent. But fertility wise, generally 2 women have better odds at conception success than us hetero couples.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Keep in mind that 2 women doesn't always = a reproductive edge. My wife, for example, had to have a hysterectomy. So we're dealing with 1 uterus, 2 ovaries (and PCOS to boot).
One last comment-- Sperm is definitely "available", but it's not cheap! And since many insurance companies don't cover fertility services for same-sex couples, quite a number of us are entirely OOP, even when we have a type of insurance that would cover fertility services if we were a male/female couple (like mine... grrr).
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
Correct, Christine. I was treated an infertile even though there was no evidence I couldn't get pregnant as long as I had sperm available. Which while somewhat readily available (sure, I could have gone out and cheated on my wife with a guy in a bar or asked a guy friend to donate and then worried if he was going to try to sue for parental rights.) Or do what we did and purchase it. And we did. We spent $7200 on sperm alone.
And like Christine - my partner wasn't an option. She is significantly older than I am and has uterine fibroids that would prevent her from getting pregnant. This of course was an added stressor in TTC since she desperately wanted to give birth to a child and never would be able to.