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TTC After a Loss
Bride2b2004
member
9w pg announced to you
Bride2b2004
member
Does it annoy anyone else when an acquantaince tells you they are pg and they are in the first tri?
I went to a playgroup yesterday and it was the first time I met most of the people. There were 4-5 mothers there. One of them was saying she had the baby and a child in school... and a baby on the way. Oh? Congrats, you are so thin! Well, we are 9w now... 
Huh? Why would she tell me, a complete stranger, so early? I literally had to bite my tongue not to respond with a comment that would be better left unsaid (e.g., "wow, you are sure announcing your pg early, hope you don't end up losing your baby like i did the last two times, and regret telling everyone.")
SIL and BIL told us as soon as they found out... sure it is always bitter sweet to hear someone else's good news and anything under 12w, gives me a pang of anxiety that they may have a loss... but telling family is one thing... I totally don't feel comfortable hearing first tri news from a total stranger (even if they seem to feel comfortable telling it). Anyone else feel this way?
Fortunate to be a SAHM to my 3 musketeers (5/2006, 5/2010 & 12/2011).
Soy & dairy free for the 3rd and final time.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 9w pg announced to you
Totally.
edit: After readying Kelin's post I need to clarify. I am happy for her, so I bite my tounge and wish her well. I say "Totally" because I see the naiveness in these women, and jealously sometimes want to scream at them.
To be honest with you, I don't feel the same way. When I had my first pregnancy I was busting at the seems to tell people. I had no idea that the rate of m/c was so high and that I would loose my baby. So I told everyone! I was so proud and excited.
But now that I have learned of this whole "underworld" of M/C and P/L I feel differently. Now I won't tell anyone except DH until after the first tri. But when a new expecting mother tells me about being KU and they are early on, I just can't help but smile and hope the best for them. I don't want them to go through the same pain I did. So in short, I don't blame women for telling people - I have been in their shoes.
I guess I am somewhat cynical, but I knew that the miscarriage rate was around 15-20% for all pregnancies right from the get-go. ?We told parents very soon, because we would've told them even if we had a loss. ?Plus, my mom guessed that I was pregnant before even I knew, so she was really the first to know.
But we told extended family around 13 weeks and friends around 20 weeks.
I think next time I'll wait until I have a five year old before telling non-parents. (kidding...sort of...)?
Doesn't bother me at all. Actually, I'm really happy for them!!!
Since we lost ours at 40+ weeks... I do get a little scurred for them - but still very happy that TODAY they are KU.
Summer 2011
The jury is still out for me on this one. With my last pg we were SO excited and told people early. I'm also horrible at keeping a secret about myself. But if we had waited until 2nd tri to tell, it wouldn't have mattered because we lost our baby in our 2nd tri.
A part of me is kind of like, why wait if you're excited and the risk will always be there, you know?
I think your last sentence about covers it.. not sure I could really explain to you why it bothers me. No, it isn't her confidence in the pg. No, it isn't that I "bother being irritated." If you don't feel the same way, you probably wouldn't understand an explanation. Another person's feelings are probably something you understand or you don't. That's why my question was asking if anyone else felt this way, I'm not trying to convert those who don't! BTW, I also had a first pg with no problems whatsoever as well. Pg first cycle, perfect pg, etc... that doesn't really have anything to do with it. Also, you mention telling close friends and family. I am talking about a total stranger.
Kelin- of course I smiled and made all the usual chit chat. Yes, new mothers are bursting with the news, but don't all the baby books and doctor handouts explain potential risks? I never in a million years thought I would be one of those, but I wouldn't say I was oblivious to it.
Side note: Funny enough, another mother there overheard our conversation and actually made a comment that I secretly wanted to make...and they even knew each other before that day... so I guess I am not the only one who felt uncomforable.
Telling a complete stranger does seem kind of early but she was probably just overjoyed about the whole thing. It was hard for me not to hire a sky writer when I first found out. It is just so exciting. The best thing to do is smile and wish her the best.
I think next time I will tell my family early. I really wanted their support during my loss but they never knew.
Summer 2011
I'd be happy for them on the outside while praying on the inside that it ended great.
we started telling at 9weeks to everyone but next time, I may be waiting until my child enters kindergarten.
I also shared with close friends and family very early. I was just having this conversation with my SIL the other day... her and BIL waited both times until they were in their 2nd Tri to tell everyone, even the parents. I am terrible at keeping secrets and I know that we will tell family again next time. The amount of support that we got from them adn the close friends that knew about our pg was immeasurable (sp?). I can't imagine going through another loss, but more than that I can't imagine going through it alone!
FWIW ours wasn't an early m/c, we were 13+ weeks and the friends that didn't know yet we had just told 5 days before we got the news that our baby had Trisomy 18...
My reaction when I hear a pg announced before the point when I would announce mine is a stab of jealousy. I assume that they are not going to have any problems, and they won't regret telling so early, and I see that as unfair.
It's a bit irrational, I know, but it does bother me. So, yes, I agree with you.
I've joked with my husband about not telling people until after we have the baby. I'm only half-kidding about it ;-) I know there are some people we'll tell right away the next time, but I'm seriously considering not telling others until well into the 2nd tri.
With the 1st we told our parents, because we had to. I didn't want to tell anyone until I made it to an u/s. I was terrified for no real reason. Except instict maybe?
The the 2nd I told my IRL bff and a my bff at work. Well, and DH.
I often joke that no one will know I am pg next time until I am 9 months. Its really not that I am kidding. I will hide it as long as possible. I will still tell the same people as #2 but I can't handle putting our parents through it ever again if I can avoid it.
It does hurt me when I hear the early announcements. Partly out of jealousy and partly out of fear that they won't have a good outcome. I know my perception of pg will never be the same ever again.
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. -Eleanor Roosevelt
After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.
Round 1: Femara + Ovidrel +TI = BFP! EDD 2/20/12
2IF does not always equal 3IF...Surprise!
I see both sides. My cousin and his wife just announced and they JUST found out. I don't blame them for being excited, but I also wonder if they are prepared for the reality of a mc.
But, I'm a hypocryte. We only waited until 8/9 weeks to tell extended family, and had a 13 week mc. We would have told at 12 weeks at the latest, so no matter what we chose to do, we would have had to untell people.
We've also decided to tell family when we do get pg again. Probably as soon as we see a hb. We didn't get an early u/s last time. I know that mc's still happen after a hb is seen, but, we really needed the support that we got last time, and I assume that if we have another mc, we'll need the same if not more support.
No. I think people have the right to be happy about their pgs.
Just because we lost our innocense, does not mean they should be more careful... Just my opinion but I wish I was naive like that again.
mrs.amandamm- Hi! How are you doing?!
That's part of it too! She lives in my development, so chances are I will end up bumping into her again and hopefully I see a big bump, or I will keep quiet...b/c asking "how is the baby?" to someone who m/c would be the worst! Especially if you barely know the person! Oh well. Here's hoping I don't see her again until it's all obvious... like she is carrying a newborn!
Yeah, totally agree!!
I am doing good
How about you? It has been FOREVER!