Friends making me feel worse.

easjer05 · May 2009

They are trying to be supportive and take a tough love approach, and I appreciate that they care and want me to be healthy and happy and not anxious and depressed.

But I'm still spun up after last night, and will be until the beta comes back. I didn't sleep well at all; all night long I had bad dreams and disturbing thoughts about a low beta and another miscarriage.

I know that the course is set. I know I can't change the events at this point. I know that there is every reason to be hopeful at this point. None of it matters at all. I'm so scared and I feel so worried and helpless and even though I know worry doesn't change the outcome, I can't seem to shut it off.

And to make it worse, I feel like I'm just annoying my friends and that they aren't really helping me. What I need is for someone to say it's going to be ok, and no one can do that. No one can promise me that. I don't know how women get pregnant and think they are going to have a baby and just believe that and have faith in that. I don't know how to do that.

gallerygirl · May 2009

I don't know how they do it either.

Just try to take it one hour/day at a time. Luckily, I was really busy weeks 4-8 finishing up my final paper for grad school. Staying that busy and stressing about something other than baby saved me.

I still go through it, but each day it gets a little bit easier. Try to meditate or visualize positive thoughts. It sounds cheesey, but it really can help.

Most people and friends do not and will not understand. They have no idea unless they have been through it themselves. It sounds bad, but now is not the time to lean on them, they will only make it worse by not understanding.

easjer05 · May 2009

That's the thing, several of my friends have miscarried or have gone through IF treatments and are doing close monitoring. They just seem to have this incredible ability that I utterly lack to be positive and optimistic about things. They had moments of worry, but nothing like the fear I'm feeling right now (or they hid it very, very well).

kmtfu · May 2009

Big hugs to you.

I totally understand what you're saying. Even the doctor last night told me that it's time to "move forward." I was astounded and felt like I was slapped in the face. I mean, I understand "every pregnancy is different" but until I have that baby in my arms, I'm not sure how I'm gonna ever "move forward."

It kills me because I feel AWFUL for not being more excited and giddy. I mean WE SAW A FLICKER last night! The doc confirmed a viable pregnancy! I should be walking on air... but I can't. And that saddens me immensely and it hurts my heart.

Sorry to go on and on; just wanted you to know that I do understand where you're coming from.

gallerygirl · May 2009

easjer05:
That's the thing, several of my friends have miscarried or have gone through IF treatments and are doing close monitoring. They just seem to have this incredible ability that I utterly lack to be positive and optimistic about things. They had moments of worry, but nothing like the fear I'm feeling right now (or they hid it very, very well).

Then I am really sorry. I cannot understand why they would not offer more support. The person I can get the best support from has had 2 losses of her own.

If they dwell on the negative, it is time to shift your focus for a while and get some positive support. You need to put you and your LO first right now. This board has helped me, we have all had serious moments freaking out- so settle in and hopefully you will get the kind of empathy you need right now.

It is easier to say than believe, but your past does not dictate your future. I say it over and over again... I still don't believe it but it has helped me get by some tough moments.

:::hugs:::

Tonya_G · May 2009

easjer05:

That's the thing, several of my friends have miscarried or have gone through IF treatments and are doing close monitoring. They just seem to have this incredible ability that I utterly lack to be positive and optimistic about things. They had moments of worry, but nothing like the fear I'm feeling right now (or they hid it very, very well).

Honestly, they probably just hid it very, very well. I have had more than just moments of utter freaking out this pgcy, but no one, outside of DH, has known it. I've put on the happy, everything will be ok face for everyone else, basically because I guess if I act like it's true, it will be, or at least that's my hope.

I wish I could be the one to tell you that everything will be ok- really the only way you're going to know that is when your beta's come back. Freak out all you need to, and hopefully, it's all for nothing, and everything will be fine!

jennstacy · May 2009

I am going through the same exact thing. Sometimes the fear is just paralyzing. I was 100 percent sure last week that I was going to have a miscarriage....I would have bet a million bucks on it. Then to my utter shock, my betas came back so great. I kept thinking they made some mistake. I think sometimes we try and protect our hearts, so even when everything is fine we are trying to prepare ourselves for the worst because of what we have already been through. You are strong, you can do it. The time will pass and until then, try really hard to picture all positive things in your mind. I feel so terrified for my ultrasound, but I keep trying to picture a little flickering heart on the ultrasound machine. Even though I am so terrified. I hope this helps a little. Take care of you!

sgrl · May 2009

((HUGS)) luv ya, babe. It's hard, I know. I know that feeling of wanting someone to tell you it's going to be ok so, so well. I think I said almost those exact same words to Scott during my first trimester, several times. There just aren't any guarantees and that's the hard part! Now I'm going to go read your beta post and I'm hoping it's good news!!!!!!

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