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Adoption
Does the wait get easier?
So, I'm a lurker coming out of hiding...
DH and I have been in the book officially waiting for about three months now. I jump every time the phone rings and check my email constantly. Our agency doesn't send out updates or anything. We don't even know if our profile has been shown at all. Maybe knowing would make the wait harder, but I'm not sure. Please share how you are passing the time.
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Re: Does the wait get easier?
Easier? Honestly, no, I don't think so. We waited about 5 months, and each month was harder. Looking back, that wasn't very long at all. But I sure jumped at the phone and checked my email constantly.
As for passing the time, take a vacation, work on the baby's room, dine out (a lot), spend time with your DH doing things that will be hard once baby arrives.
I can tell you that the wait was worth it. Our baby isn't here yet, but we adore the baby's birth mom and her family, and have established a wonderful relationship with them. Maybe it wasn't the fastest route, but it does feel "right". Good luck and hang in there!
I'm sorry! I know how you feel! The 3 mo. mark was hard for me, too. Our SW tried to "encourage" us at the beginning of our wait saying that we're young, educated, own a house, have a dog, etc.... all the "perfect" qualities, so she didn't expect our wait to be long. Also around the 3 mo. mark, we had a situation come up that didn't work out, so that added more of a challenge to trying to be patient.
It is so hard to keep living your normal life when you know that anything could happen at any moment... but it's really what you have to keep doing. I kept busy at work, got away for the weekend w/ DH when we could, went on a LOT of walks, shopped in the baby aisles when I was feeling depressed, spent endless hours on adoption-related message boards, read every adoption book I could get my hands on, blogged... and sometimes when the wait became too much, I cried and sobbed and complained and laid in bed and felt sorry for myself. The truth is that when you have that deep desire to be a mom, nothing really quite fills that void.
The only thing I can say is that, once your wait is over (and it WILL be over, eventually), every moment of this will have been worth it. Not that I look back on that time as "fun" or something I'd love to do again -- but that if that's what we had to go through for our daughter to become our daughter, then it was unquestionably worth it. As bad as waiting is, being a parent is that amount of good and more.
Can you check in with your agency at all? Ours sent out monthly updates -- I lived for those things!
I will also say that it was MUCH easier not knowing when we were being shown than when we did know, even though it's nice to know SOMETHING is happening. Our agency told us that when they called to ask for more copies of our profile, that's when we knew we'd been shown. This happened for us about halfway through our wait.
The best use of my time while we waited was learning about adoption ethics, rights of expectant parents, open adoptions, adult adoptees, etc. I KNOW that time in our life was used for the purpose of changing our perspective on adoption in many areas, and I am truly, truly thankful for that today.
I'd also say that if you aren't journaling this time, START NOW! I love going back through things I wrote during that time. It's amazing to see how far God has brought us, and it's a good way to remember details I've forgotten now.
Up until recently, I only kept a list of milestones of our journey. Now I am keeping a journal and it feels good to get my thoughts and feelings out..even though I'm the only one who reads it. Maybe I'll post in online one of these days...
The baby's room is all ready! We have bought a few newborn outfits and we have a pretty good supply of diapers going. I'm trying not to buy any more clothes since we don't know if our baby will be a boy or girl. I have started collecting children's books too. Buying baby stuff is so much fun!
Thank you for the ideas of how to pass the time. I really stay busy with work during the week, so the weekends are harder. I think a vacation is just what we need.
Sorry for your frustration.
You and I are close together in waiting--- around 3 months too.
I find that some days are better than others. I daydream alot!
I do get a monthly update which says names of women we were shown to and their decision. Clearly none of picked us! I don't know if the update is helpful or not.