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I just need a shoulder to cry on...
First, let me say that DH 110% stood by/up for me....
My mom demanded that we get our stuff out of her garage so we rented the storage space. It was taking up her entire foot path in there, so I do understand. We told DH's mom that's what we did today. She wasn't pleased and said that I really need to cease all contact with my mom (because she still thinks that my mom promised us a roof over our heads when we moved back to the area last year, which there was no promise only a let's see how it works). DH and his mom just had it out. She is mad that we don't do more to help out like cook and clean. They don't like my cooking and flat out called it too spicy and strange/weird tonight. I also only occasionally clean things because I never do it the way they want nor do they leave me a list of things they'd like done so I never know what to do or what needs to be done. I've offered even numerous times to do their laundry which they complain about being behind in ALL THE TIME but I don't do it their way so they always decline.
They also fought with him over the way we are raising DS. Attachment parenting apparently isn't a good way to raise a child. They think DS is behind because DH's and DH's siblings all did things really early. So they attribute that to the exclusive bfing that I did. They don't think he developing the way they think he should. They also don't like that DS rarely eats what I offer him at dinner except the fruit and carbs. They think he should be eating a miniature of our dinners. I also should not be bed sharing with him and that he should be in his own bed/crib. And that he should be working on potty training right now.
But, I am DH's wife and am at the root of our problems in their eyes and possibly the cause of. I am at a loss. I have no one else to talk to right now because I bear the risk of being overheard. I want to cry so badly right now, but I know if I do that will cause more anger in DH at his family and mine. I never wanted to be an inconvenience to anyone. I'm sorry I got laid off and then DH got laid off numerous times. Had I known that we would be such a burden to family and generally unwelcome we would never have come back home.
They also in the course of the argument threatened to throw DS and I out when DH leaves for basic at the end of the month. I don't know if this threat is serious or out of anger. But, now I'm faced with the possibility of six very uncomfortable months here because I don't fully know if we get BAH or how much to possibly afford a studio even especially since we've been without work for the better part of the past year (and not for lack of trying) or of trying to find somewhere to go but being in transition for a short period of time. I just can't believe that people feel that I am a failure who doesn't deserve any credit and that I really am not considered to be a part of anyone's family other than to just DH and DS. I knew that I didn't belong to begin with, but this really just took the cake. And there's nothing I can do. I really feel like this is all my fault. It's times like these (which are not frequent) that I feel bad that DH got involved with me, because I am obviously a nothing that isn't a good fit for his family or anyone elses. Thanks for letting me vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I just need a shoulder to cry on...
Mother's Day, 2011
I am so sorry. BIG HUGS! God I wish I could smack them for you.
Ugh. I wish I could say more. The whole situtation straight up sucks.
I will say this though...you are MORE then welcome to cook any stange or spicy foods at my house anytime you want! I'll even provide the ingredients and the wine.
TTC #2 since 9/09 --- mild PCOS; Endometriosis
IUI x4 = BFN
IVF = sometime in 2012
ugh. i am so so sorry you are in such a sucky situation. i'm very glad your husband is sticking with you though-that is the most important thing in the world at times like this.
what branch is your DH going to? you will get a housing allowance while he is in basic, but it can take a while to get set up (his regular pay shouldn't take long though!). however, if that's the case, you do get back pay too, which means you might get one nice big check to help cover a deposit and moving expenses, if you need to do that. and BAH is based upon where you are living, not where he is. if you just google "2009 BAH rates" you'll find a download that gives you the rate by zipcode.
another thing i wish we'd known when DH joined was just how little those checks are at first-they take out all his uniform/toiletry/food cost and there just isn't much left. a little, on a consistent basis though, is better than nothing. and maybe you can follow him to his school after basic-that might help things all around.
Hippi, I would be glad to cook. DH even used in his argument that the things I make are things people pay good money in restaurants to eat! I enjoy cooking and I don't know how to cook bland to be honest. I wouldn't even be able to tell if it's done without seasoning.
Nluv, DH is going National Guard for now. He's going to try to obtain a conditional release once he's able to after AIT. And am I not going to be able to make our car payment or car insurance based off what you're telling me? I know what the BAH payment is based off his duty station, but I just don't know what percentage that we'd receive since they said that "the soldier is clothed/fed/housed the soldier's family is left to their own devices to make things work."
I'm just so frustrated. We've been back here with family for a year, not because we want but because we need to. The only thing we've asked for is a roof over our heads and occasionally a meal. I try to do a lot of my own cooking because I know that no one else other than DH will appreciate my way of cooking and they REALLY don't like the healthy or vegetarian meals I come up with. The funny thing is that I always mind my manners and try their food, much of which I don't normally eat (like pork, beef, lamb) and they rarely every reciprocate the same courtesy. I really just can't wait for the time when we are back on our own. And I promise that if DS should ever find himself in this same situation when he's grown that we will not handle it the same way.
(((hugs)))
I completely understand the not being wanted part... You & your DH & DS are in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so sorry. ::hugs:: You have my email so shoot me one anytime. You will get BAH for wherever you're living while DH is in basic so don't worry about that. Here is a link to find out what it will be based on zip code and DH's rank. Use that to help figure out if you can afford to live in an apartment. I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much stress. Parent the way you think is best, you're the parents, his family is not.
ETA: you will get BAH based on your zip code, the zip of the dependants while he's in training. The only time you'll get BAH based on his duty station is if he is stationed OCONUS (alaska, hawaii, europe, etc). Yes the checks will be small at first, but you'll def. get back pay and that will help. You can look up his pay based on rank as well. Just google it.
(hugs) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this - it sounds like your DH loves you tons - good for him for standing up for you. It sounds like he is more than happy that you two did get together - don't feel like that was a mistake because of your IL's feelings - they are not your husband, and frankly, do not know or decide what is best for him, or his family.
Your IL's have no right to critique your parenting choices, and I know you have more than tried to help out around their house. I'm sorry that your relationship with them is so strained. I hope that after he does go to training you can get the housing allowance/pay to find a nice place away from your IL's.
Please feel free to vent any time. Think of us as your extended family!
(hugs)
I am so sorry for this
People can be so cruel and ignorant sometimes.
I am very happy that your husband stood up for you though
I wish there were a way for you to get out 
They should not be allowed to treat you that way. I can't even imagine 
I wish I knew something to say that would help
(((hugs)))
I am so so sorry (((hugs))) I'm crying just thinking about your situation. No one (especially not family) should be treating you like this. I feel so terrible for you that if I knew you lived in my area, I'd be offering you a room stat. You could happily cook turds in a bowl for us anytime
!
Everything that everyone has said has been great but I'll add a few things. Your ds is pretty much exactly Noel's age and his eating habits are the same. I did everything right in terms of feeding him. I made him his baby food and gave him a huge variety of foods that he loved. He tried everything, asparagus, cauliflower, quinoa, basil, eggplant then as he got to table food he continued to eat great and even ate stuff like my tomato, mozzerella salad with me. Then he hit this point a couple of months ago where he wont' eat anything. He went from a variety of different foods, to cheerios, katchup, macaroni and fruit (bananas being a staple). It's the age. They're hitting that point where they want to show their independance and food is one area they can do it. He can eat nothing I give him all day and still turn his nose up at dinner. This might not mean anything to your il's but I hope it makes you realize that your childs eating habits are not your fault.
And I'm sure you know but all kids develop differently and the choices you've made to cosleep and bf is not slowing him down. My ds did everything early but at over a year and a half he's still not talking (at least not anything real). And a good friend of mine did everything right according to your inlaws. She ff from day one and never let her son into her bed or practiced any sort of ap and he didn't walk until almost 17 months. Every child is different. Some will do everything early, some everything late and some will be all over the board. This does not make you a bad parent and do not let them make you think that about yourself.
You are not a failure as a person and your husband is not worse off having gotten together with (as it seems he realizes). Do not let your inlaws make you think this. You may be stuck in this situation right now but don't let them get you down any further. You are a wonderful person and don't deserve to have people treat you this way. Maybe once he leaves for basic you can find a way to scrape by outside of their home. It might make things ridiculously tight but it sounds like it would be worth it in the long run. Remember a good mom is a happy mom and you need to be away from this to be that.
(((hugs))) again and I'll be saying prayers that your situation improves.
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