gah! why do i let it bother me?

Shahlala · May 2009

my exes "fiance" tried to add me on myspace and her status says something bout getting ready for a new addition to their family. idk if that means shes pregnant or if they really think that theyre going to get the baby from me. im so scared.i dont want my ex having custody. hes not stable enough for it.i know i got awhile before the baby is due but still. im nervous. my son or daughter means EVERYTHING to me.i cant lose another baby.

ugh. what do i do? they havent been in contact with me about the baby since we broke up except for twice and last i heard,he was denying that the babys his. why cant he just deal with her and her kids? sheesh. i just dont know what to do anymore..

MrsBeckO · May 2009

Holy Drama Batman.?

Unless they have a valid?argument?against you having primary custody, its not like they can just say the words and the baby is theirs.?

You need to just block her from your page and relax.. take care of you and the baby and cross the custody bridge when you get there. You and the baby don't need all this added stress. ?

?

Shahlala · May 2009

i did block her.

sgrl · May 2009

MrsBeckO:
Holy Drama Batman.
Unless they have a valid argument against you having primary custody, its not like they can just say the words and the baby is theirs.
You need to just block her from your page and relax.. take care of you and the baby and cross the custody bridge when you get there. You and the baby don't need all this added stress.

Ditto. Just assume she's pregnant and try not to worry about the other scenario. Sorry you're dealing with this.

lgurian · May 2009

you may want to see a family lawyer and have something drawn up saying he forgoes any future rights before he changes his mind and decides he does want to be involved. good luck.?

purple_posies · May 2009

If he has expressed doubt as to paternity the courts will probably order a test. If he has not been involved during the pregnancy, I don't see how that is necessarily going to work in his favor after the child is born.

As long as you live in a stable home, have resources available for you and your child, chances are there is no way he will get primary custody of your child. You will have to share visitation, though. You can ask for a psychological evaluation if you are worried about your child's safety; though to be fair, you should sit for one as well, even if you are not court ordered to show you are willing to cooperate.

If you are scared he will try to take custody, don't hesitate to contact a lawyer. Most states (fortunately for you, I suppose) tend to favor the mother to begin with; most fathers need to prove they are worthy before they get anything, really.

I'm on the other side of the equation, my DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. But his daughter's mother has primary custody. We are presently working up to every-other-weekend visitation, etc., but there are tons of types of visitation schedules that you and your ex can work out. You may (or may not) think this is unfortunate, but your ex does have every right to see his child; unless of course he is abusive, etc.

I know it's hard to try and look at him and think he will love you child, especially depending on how he has treated you. Chances are, he's really freaking scared. As for his new girlfriend/fiance ... I hope she is pregnant. Because it is none of her damn business to try to "get your baby" so to speak. As a stepmom, that really infuriates me. I love my stepdaughter, but I know she is not my biological child, and I never pretend she is.

I hope this all works out for you! There are a lot of resources out there for blended families, etc., definitely make use of them.

Shahlala · May 2009

purple_posies:

If he has expressed doubt as to paternity the courts will probably order a test. If he has not been involved during the pregnancy, I don't see how that is necessarily going to work in his favor after the child is born.

As long as you live in a stable home, have resources available for you and your child, chances are there is no way he will get primary custody of your child. You will have to share visitation, though. You can ask for a psychological evaluation if you are worried about your child's safety; though to be fair, you should sit for one as well, even if you are not court ordered to show you are willing to cooperate.

If you are scared he will try to take custody, don't hesitate to contact a lawyer. Most states (fortunately for you, I suppose) tend to favor the mother to begin with; most fathers need to prove they are worthy before they get anything, really.

I'm on the other side of the equation, my DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. But his daughter's mother has primary custody. We are presently working up to every-other-weekend visitation, etc., but there are tons of types of visitation schedules that you and your ex can work out. You may (or may not) think this is unfortunate, but your ex does have every right to see his child; unless of course he is abusive, etc.

I know it's hard to try and look at him and think he will love you child, especially depending on how he has treated you. Chances are, he's really freaking scared. As for his new girlfriend/fiance ... I hope she is pregnant. Because it is none of her damn business to try to "get your baby" so to speak. As a stepmom, that really infuriates me. I love my stepdaughter, but I know she is not my biological child, and I never pretend she is.

I hope this all works out for you! There are a lot of resources out there for blended families, etc., definitely make use of them.

thank you.

when he was living with me, he tried to smother our 2 puppies with a pillow because they were "keeping him awake" when he was trying to sleep.i tried to push him off of them and hit him by accident in the process and he got in my face and started yelling at me. then he told my mom what happened because we were living with her and she works from home and heard the yelling. my case manager from PP thinks that its a good idea for him to only get supervised visits because we fear for the baby if it stays with him overnight....

MrsBeckO · May 2009

I don't know if it varies by state, but around here if a parent relinquishes parental rights then they are no longer held responsible for child support.. and thats not something that can just be overturned overnight.I would think long and hard before asking him "forgo future rights" at this point.. don't let your emotions of the moment cloud your judgement. Perhaps speaking to a counselor would be more beneficial than going straight to a lawyer. ?And as much as you may think he is unstable or a bad person, he does deserve at least some level of involvement in his child's life (unless there is documented physical abuse or drug abuse). ?

purple_posies · May 2009

Wow. That definitely sounds like supervised visitation. Your mother will, of course, need to bear witness to that. Did you report it in any other way? That would definitely be a valid concern.

Shahlala · May 2009

hes a recovering drug addict... i know that much. and he came to pick up his stuff one day and REEKED of marijuana. his brother, brothers gf and his aunt all do drugs like crazy and he spends alot of time with them. but idk. i guess ill just take things in stride.

Shahlala · May 2009

purple_posies:
Wow. That definitely sounds like supervised visitation. Your mother will, of course, need to bear witness to that. Did you report it in any other way? That would definitely be a valid concern.

no, we didnt. who would i want to report that to,though?

MrsBeckO · May 2009

Well with all this other crap going on with him, I guess the best I can say is to document everything, even if only on a calendar.?

The more you have to show what an unfit parent he is, the better for you if he/they try to fight for custody. ?

purple_posies · May 2009

I'm glad you have a case worker to help you document and hopefully help things in your favor. Just be careful.

Shahlala · May 2009

right.

ive lost a son who was stillborn at 40 weeks... im already in a bad position for pregnancy with worrying about losing another baby. i cant do it again. im just gonna keep track of everything....my case manager said not to tell him when i go into labor because he was threatning to take the baby from the hospital so ill get custody fixed up and everything as soon as possible after the babys born. she also said not to include visitation,if he wants it he can petition for it.

i just dont want to lose my baby. thats what im worried about...

purple_posies · May 2009

Depending how long ago it was, you probably could have called the police? I mean, that is animal cruelty. Though I don't know if it is too late now.

But yes, document, document, document! Write down date, time, observances, and try to be as objective as possible. No feelings, "I think"s or anything as that doesn't hold up in court. Like, "May 5, 2:04 PM, John Doe came to my residence in order to pick up his remaining belongings. He smelled of marijuana and exhibited the following symptoms: .... Such and such was said, he left at 2:25 PM."

Shahlala · May 2009

purple_posies:

Depending how long ago it was, you probably could have called the police? I mean, that is animal cruelty. Though I don't know if it is too late now.

But yes, document, document, document! Write down date, time, observances, and try to be as objective as possible. No feelings, "I think"s or anything as that doesn't hold up in court. Like, "May 5, 2:04 PM, John Doe came to my residence in order to pick up his remaining belongings. He smelled of marijuana and exhibited the following symptoms: .... Such and such was said, he left at 2:25 PM."

thank you so much for your help!! i really appreciate it!

purple_posies · May 2009

You're welcome. Just be careful. Your case worker seems to be giving you sound advice.

magdusia · May 2009

relax! they are probably having a baby. why dont you comment on the status "congrats! when are you do?" hoping she replies, if she replies with a date than you know shes pregnant.. if she said, not pregnant, I'd skip the country! kidding! but at least you'd know.

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