Unhappy, need advice

septmommy2be · May 2009

Hi ladies. I am just looking for a bit of advice. I am VERY happy about my pregnancy... I've always wanted to be a mom and I can't wait for my little girl to get here. My problem is my BF. We had not been dating that long when I bacame pregnant. Both of us were happy. We moved in together a couple of months ago and I am miserable. I really don't think he is the person for me. He really wanted a boy, and made his disappointment in a girl very obvious. He says that he is happy about it now, but I'm not so sure. He says he wants to be involved in everything, but last night I felt the baby move with my hands on my tummy- I was so excited. He didn't act like it was a big deal at all. His mom called and he was much more concerned with talking about his Vegas vaction next week than telling her about the baby- and this is a frequent thing. He is constantly moody. He brings me flowers one day and act like a total jerk the rest of the time. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being unhappy. And I want my daughter to grow up in a happy home. I guess my question is do you think that this is a normal "growing" phase for a relationship, and if not, when do you call it quits? I never imagined myself as a single mom, but as I said earlier, I want her to grow up in a happy home. I have prayed about all of this and I haven't really got an answer yet. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks so much:)

janice74 · May 2009

It kinda sounds like you have your answer already. ?Do you live with him? ?Maybe you need some space from each other for awhile. ?I wouldn't make any rash decisions while you are pregnant, but whenever I was in a relationship I wasn't sure about, space really helped bring me clarity.?

HeyyRed · May 2009

Move out or kick him out. Save yourself the hassle. If you aren't crazy about him and him you and both of you on the same page about the road ahead, it won't last.

FutureHardings · May 2009

My FI and I have only known each other less than a year, and we have some of the same problems that you mention. BUT, I do love him and we have more good days than bad.

We have gone to see a counselor (I am a counselor in training) and it has really brought up a lot of issues that we never saw ourself, and helped us out immensely in the end. That is something you could think about.

Making a rash decision while pregnant is something you want to avoid. Whatever your decision may be, make sure you have thought it through and you are happy with it.

No one can tell you to stay or leave, only you can decide that for youself. Good luck!

wisc.bride · May 2009

I would talk to your BF about what you're feeling. I actually think the phase you're in is more of a "half way through pregnancy phase" than a "growing new relationship" phase. Obviously if you're really not happy than leave- but if the root issue is that he's not showing as much excitement about the baby than try to work through it. I don't know many guys (okay, no guys) that are waiting for someone to ask them about the pending addition. You feel and live what's going on every moment of every day- he can easily forget it.

kp28 · May 2009

It sounds like this was a quick thing getting pregnant so early in the dating relationship. True? I mean was the kiddo planned or a blessed opps? And we all have gone a little too far too soon in a relationship-so I'm not judging. Just wondering if you are ready for all of this right now-especially by yourself. What I'm getting at is that you said that you want to do what's best for your child-could that be adoption?

Smtih&co · May 2009

Talk to him about it and see if you can work through this. If you can't or he isn't willing, move on.

Genevieved · May 2009

Maybe try living apart and see how it goes. I don't know if I would do anything crazy while pregnant. However if you are not happy that is no way to live your life. You may want to look back to before you were pregnant and at that point was this a person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with? A baby is not a good reason to stay on a relationship if you are not happy. I hope your answer comes to you.

Starlette1983 · May 2009

janice74:
It kinda sounds like you have your answer already. Do you live with him? Maybe you need some space from each other for awhile. I wouldn't make any rash decisions while you are pregnant, but whenever I was in a relationship I wasn't sure about, space really helped bring me clarity.

I agree. And about the gender thing, I think that a lot of guys react that way at first and then they come around to the idea of having a girl. They can't relate to girls so they're totally unknown to them. Maybe your BF is just freaking out a bit because a lot is happening at once? I think you should look at how your relationship was before you got pg, and just remember that you have to look out for both you and your daughter now!! GL!!

GiniMcGlothin · May 2009

DH and I had made the decision for me to get off BCP and start TTC, so we are ready and wanting this baby, and he's not into it as much as I thought he would be. But only you know your situation and only you can know what is best for you and the baby, but I will keep you in my prayers.

And you BF is not the only one who will be/ was disspointed about the gender. We can all say we just want healthy babies, but I will tell you that DH wants a boy (I already have a SD) and he will get over it, but if this is a girl he will be disspointed at first.

And I would second the reccomendation for counseling, it can't hurt.

joellaclar · May 2009

I don't know if this helps or not, but my husband has gone through the same actions during my pregnancy and we've been together over four years already. He wanted a boy so badly that when the tech said "it's a girl", he actually turned away and cried... and had to go out with the boys that night to compose himself. And when the baby starting kicking to the point where he could feel it, he was either too busy watching tv or tried to tell me that I was somehow making my stomach jump by myself. Don't get me wrong, this was a very planned and wanted baby and he STILL acted this way. But as the weeks progressed, he slowly started showing his excitement about having a girl, and he now tries to feel her kick all the time and actually kisses my belly goodnight and talks to her. What I'm trying to get at is that it sounds like the problems that your bf is having is the normal "guy having to realize that this is real and learning to grow up" feelings. I think that whether or not your relationship will be able to endure this will probably show up in other ways, but I honestly don't think that this is it. GL;-)

sgrl · May 2009

My husband and I went through some tough times when we moved in together and the first part of our marriage. I think it's a huge adjustment. You guys have a huge motivation to make it work (or you do, anyway). Why not try some counseling? It saved our marriage - and helped us to be very happy together.

karelaorange · May 2009

Agree with all the above posters. I think it's good to remember the very overused expression that women become mothers when they find out they're pregnant, whereas most men don't become fathers until they meet the baby. This is a lot of life change for him all at once; moving into together, having a baby, a serious relationship. It's possible he just needs some time, but you should really talk through these things.

oregontechmom · May 2009

IMO, it sounds like your relationship has developed BECAUSE of the pregnancy. Staying with someone or getting married or even moving in together BECAUSE of a pregnancy is a terrible idea. Like a pp said, you have your answer. You already know that you're unhappy. No one here can tell you more than you already know.

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