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Pregnant after 35
MY STORY and why I am now worried.
My story is long but I will sum it up like this:
I am about 9 weeks pregnant.
I have been battling anxiety/worry/nerves and depression for about 17 years. In the last dozen years, I have always been on some kind of medication as well as counseling/therapy. Last year, after reaching a plateau with my meds, I was switched onto Cymbalta.
I discovered I am pregnant 6 weeks ago and was told by my psych to ween off (taking half of dosage over the next 4 days) After weening off Cymbalta, I bottomed out and suffered a nervous emotional breakdown. The sudden rush of hormones, the shock of my pregnancy (we had no idea it would happen due to my medical history of endometriosis), anxiety just made me a mess.
I went through hell. Disorders like Disassociation and Derealization along with major anxiety and panic attacks followed... I could not function without falling apart. I felt like I was going crazy even though I am educated through experience to know that it is all par for the course with meds withdrawal and chemical physiological hormone influences.
After consulting an OB/GYN who consulted with my Psychiatrist, it was decided to put me back on the regular dosage of Cymbalta immediately. The next 3 weeks I was able to regain function of my thoughts and not dissect every worrisome thought and fear (which from browsing the bump boards occurs naturally with many pregnant women anyway - what a relief!)
I am seeing a counselor weekly who is evaluating my moods and worries and helping me gain some really good insight onto how my brain functions with and without the meds.
Cymbalta is a Category C drug. It's relatively new and not enough research has been done on actual pregnant women to predict fetal outcomes.
I AM WORRIED that because of my illness, this child is going to suffer birth defects, developmental disabilities, etc. Both doctors agreed that the risks of not being on the drug outweighed the benefits so back on the drug I went. My husband has been so supportive and tries to convince me that all will be normal and well...
Now I just am plagued with "What ifs...???" I feel terrible and somewhat responsible and I just know the baby will not be "healthy or normal".
I am sorry I am venting, I just wanted to share my story and why I feel lost right about now.
If any of you are praying women, please, if you don't mind, share one for me and my baby.
Thanks for listening/reading and I hope God blesses all of you with your pregnancies/babies!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MY STORY and why I am now worried.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I admit it's pretty hard to share my story on a public message forum but then I thought if anyone out there could relate in any way, it would be ok.
Plus, I feel safe on this board that nobody will be judgmental or mean....I wish society would see anxiety/depression for what it is - an illness not a weakness.
Hugs.
Cymbalta is a Category C drug. It's relatively new and not enough research has been done on actual pregnant women to predict fetal outcomes.
The one thing to remember is that mental illness is a disease and if we had other diseases, heart disease or something like that we wouldn't think twice about taking the meds that keep us alive..right??
Your docs will find a therapy that will work for you, and that will keep you healthy during your pregnancy.
I quit and refused all medications when I was pregnant with my second son, (now 13). I was also going thru a very painful divorce from the father of he and my oldest (18). My 13 year old is a kind person, but suffers with sincere ADHD and emotional problems. I can't help but feel that it is my fault for not taking better care of myself when I was pregnant with him. Studies have shown that the chemical that the brain releases when stressed, etc do pass to the baby.
Take care of yourself, if baby is to be healthy, then mama must be too. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk, ok??
Oh sweetie, I can only imagine what you're going through and how difficult it is on you. Pregnancy is HARD and does weird things to the mind. With both my pregnancies, I've ended up in counselling, so I can only guess what a struggle it is for you.
I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take things one day at a time, which I know is easier said than done. Also, remember that we're all here for you. I've found the boards incredibly helpful, especially when I don't want to be crying to my DH yet again.
::HUGS::
I have to tell you that I think you are incredibly brave for speaking out on this. Relaying your personal struggle might help someone who is on the fence about talking to someone or considering medication to get themselves on track. I thank you for this mostly because I am still in a great deal of pain over losing someone very special to me because he wouldn't go on medication for his depression and he flat out refused to speak to a counselor about it. Medication probably would have made a difference and he might still be here with us.
Wishing you a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy. Try not to worry about Cymbalta being a class C drug. That only means that there is insufficient data about it.
In my opinion, it sounds like you are absolutely doing the right thing. Hang in there and know that all of us out here in cyber space are here for you!
Just remember that each and every one of us comes here with our backgrounds and our stories. Each one is a little different. Some of us have emotional issues.. others are more physical challenges. Some of us have taken things or done things in our pasts that could impact our pregnancies today.
Depression and mental illness is a very difficult thing to get a handle on in a "regular" situation... so I am sure your fears for the baby are very concerning. I would be feeling the same, if I were in your shoes.
But it sounds like having both your OB and your other doctors working together on this is the best solution. It was clear that dropping the drug regiment would not be the best thing for YOU, so careful monitoring is the best thing for BOTH of you.
God only gives us as much as He believes we can handle. I suspect you are stronger than you think if He is already throwing this much at you!
Please come here often to chat, vent and commiserate, if needed. Yes, we are strangers, but we all have a common bond... a baby (or two) that's on the way... despite the obstacles.
I have tears of joy at reading your responses.
It's proof to me that God gives us guardian angels to help us in our life...even if that means they are mere strangers and friends on a message board.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God Bless All of You and your babies!
xoxo
Hello -
I just want to tell you not to worry. I too am on drugs for depression as I have suffered for many years. I am on Celexa and my doctors told me the benefits outweigh the risks. I am also on a Category C drug called Tegretol for my epilepsy that I absolutely cannot go off of. I can't say that I am not scared of the risks but for us that have pre-existing conditions, you have to take care of yourself.
I tried to go off Celexa once and that was NOT a good idea. With all the emotions and hormones your mental and physical health is the most important. Mental health is just as important as physical health in carrying a baby and you need to care for you.
Hang in there and try not to worry. If you ever need to talk, we are here for you on this board.
Please do come here and vent or share. I would say most of us have been (or should have been) on some form of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds at some point. I know my divorce taxed all my coping skills and I took them while that was handled. It was the smartest thing I ever did (well, that AND the divorce).
I also wish that counceling and mental health were viewed for what it is, a medical condition, just like any other thing that our bodies need "help" with. I, too, think you are brave for sharing your situation and concerns and you may never know who will seek help because of what you have written. So thank you.
We all worry about the "what if's". Granted, I understand your additional concerns, but we all suffer from it to one degree or another and can understand.
thank you so much. i feel ready to give this pregnancy over to God but parts of me still recite worry over and over.
Being on here and getting support from such dearhearted people truly does make a difference and I want each and every one of you to know how much you have touched my life for the better today.
I am so sorry for your struggle. I was on a very mind anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug for a few years. I was taking the drug mainly for anxiety...to help me sleep because I couldn't shut my brain off at night. Last summer while planning the final detials of my wedding, I talked to my doc about going off the meds before we tried to get pg. Even though I was on a very low dose, it took me three months to get off the meds. I was lucky that my anxiety/depression was mild and this was an option for me, but if I was in your shoes, I would trust the docs. Like some others said just because a drug is a Class C drug, doesn't automatically mean that is it a bad thing to take during prenancy, it just means that the drug is too new and there isn't any/enough research available to know anything definite.
(Some of you may find his next part a bit to God focused, but I have strong views on this and feel the need to share....if you don't share these beliefs that's a-o-k) You seem to be quite a woman of faith and that should provide you with some comfort. God is watching after you and your baby right now. He is giving the doctors the wisdom to treat your condition and care for your baby. I would imagine that the docs will be following your pregnancy closely and monitoring everything on an ongoing basis. Take comfort in knowing that God has known your baby since before conception and he knows the outcome. I understand that it is scarey not knowing exactly what is going on, but give it to God and trust in Him. He can do anything including allow you to have a completely healthy baby while you continue treatment for your condition. Pray regularly, read your bible and keep the faith. We are all here for you whenever you need us. God Bless you and good luck!
I am not praying person but my thoughts are with you. I believe you are doing the right thing for yourself and the baby. As pp's have mentioned we all have our share of "what if's" although I understand your concerns are a bit more heavy.
all my best to you and your baby.
I am sending lots of e-hugs your way. Please know we are all here for you to lend an ear and not to bash you in any way. It takes alot for a woman to aknowledge there is a problem and then to actually go and get help and get the treatment that is needed says alot about someone. I really commend you for sharing your story, you may not be giving yourself the kudos you deserve. I may not know what you are going through or went through, but I can sorta relate to you. I had a PPD a few months after I gave birth, I also struggled with being a single mom, and the guilt that riddled me when I couldn't enjoy the 1st year being at home with my baby because I needed to go back to work. I addtion to that, I had anxiety issues post 9/11. I never took any meds(I probably should've of)but I learned to talk about things and started to see a therapist.
I am not the most religious person in the world, but I know the man upstairs isn't going to give you something you can't handle. Having a chance to become a mom, and giving birth is probably one of the most life changing events that can happen to a woman. There are those who choose to take that for granted and those who are not chosen, but if given the chance would be the happiest people on earth. Enjoy your pregnancy, the "what if's" will probably be there until your child turns 18 and wants to borrow the car to go out with friends.
Hugs
Here is some more e-support added to the pile! ?That sounds liek a lot to handle, especially when so many folks freak out about caffeine or too much sugar!
I think you're doing the right thing, though. ?You need to be able to function! ?
I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. I totally understand your frustrations and concerns. Just keep praying for God to keep you at peace. I will pray for you also. We're always here for you!